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How High Are You? V. Dude Where's My Bar?

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CoastTwoCoast said:
I'm glad you're still here. When I was in my 20s I got into an argument with my mom. I was very impulsive, grabbed a bottle of wine and a bunch klonopin and took it. Apparently, I called my b/f at the time slurring and I even wrote a suicide note before I passed out. My mom knocked on my door to check on me and found me.
I woke up in the hospital with family surrounding me. No recollection of being taken out of my bed or being in the ambulance. I would've died if she hadn't found me.

The enemy tried to take me out many times after that too. If you're thinking about suicide, consider the fact that you could get it wrong and end up in an even worst situation: brain dead or in a coma, a vegetable, unable
to take care of yourself. It could be much worse.

If you had someone who hated you since birth and wants to take your life, why give them the satisfaction? As soon as you kill yourself, they will be celebrating. Keep waking up day after day and make that motherfucker angry!

We are all here for a reason. Please don't give in @Captain.Heroin
I can really tell you're hurting and I'm sorry. Stick around. You will pull through.
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Yeah I tried the last time with 60x10mg valium and bottle of vodka. I was found by some old ladies dog that was roaming free And then run up to the bench i was laying passed out. He kept licking my face and barking till the owner got there and then saw something was wrong and phoned ER services. So i was basicaly saved by a dog, weird how the universe works.

Either way, hang in there Dr. H. I know you can do this
 
Coffeeshroom said:
Yeah I tried the last time with 60x10mg valium and bottle of vodka. I was found by some old ladies dog that was roaming free And then run up to the bench i was laying passed out. He kept licking my face and barking till the owner got there and then saw something was wrong and phoned ER services. So i was basicaly saved by a dog, weird how the universe works.

Either way, hang in there Dr. H. I know you can do this
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That's a perfect example of how God makes a way where we don't see a way.
If He did it once, He will do it again!
 
Smoked Weed and took Bupe.

Supposed to be getting some really good Coke later and im gonna be an anxious mess until i do honestly. Some bullshit happened where i have to get my pay this week in person which is a massive pain in the ass cuz its like a hour away. Super stressfull in the life of the druggie.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
I've had the exact same thoughts about myself so I get it. We're all in this together. Take it one day at a time. 💓
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I woke up. Had a dab. Took a self-inventory. Still pretty un-feeling. Not sure but cessating benzos while upset is probably a *bad idea* even if you don't have a withdrawal you are not going to be sure how to feel or something stupid.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I woke up. Had a dab. Took a self-inventory. Still pretty un-feeling. Not sure but cessating benzos while upset is probably a *bad idea* even if you don't have a withdrawal you are not going to be sure how to feel or something stupid.
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Yes, benzos can numb your emotions too much. Try to cut back on those. I don't want you in deep withdrawal. What do you take to boost your mood? Does the dab help with that?
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
Yes, benzos can numb your emotions too much. Try to cut back on those. I don't want you in deep withdrawal. What do you take to boost your mood? Does the dab help with that?
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Shatter is the only thing that helps. I don't know what is going to help me "feel again". At this point time is my friend and enemy. I have to pilot through this carefully. :|

Like none of the hard drugs or rx's would work at this point, I'm pretty sure.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Shatter is the only thing that helps. I don't know what is going to help me "feel again". At this point time is my friend and enemy. I have to pilot through this carefully. :|

Like none of the hard drugs or rx's would work at this point, I'm pretty sure.
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You're right about going through this carefully. Try to relax tonight. Don't put pressure on yourself.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
You're right about going through this carefully. Try to relax tonight. Don't put pressure on yourself.
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I feel more physically relaxed but mentally numb/indifferent and if my brain would just match my body it would be really cool. That's how I know 1 more day off benzos will probably help. :|

I've lost so much this year. If this year gets any worse I'll probably mentally collapse entirely.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I feel more physically relaxed but mentally numb/indifferent and if my brain would just match my body it would be really cool. That's how I know 1 more day off benzos will probably help. :|

I've lost so much this year. If this year gets any worse I'll probably mentally collapse entirely.
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See if you feel better in a day without benzos. Keep posting here and letting us know how you're doing. Reaching out helps. We all love you. I'm glad you're not giving up. All we can do is keep going. *HUGS*
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
See if you feel better in a day without benzos. Keep posting here and letting us know how you're doing. Reaching out helps. We all love you. I'm glad you're not giving up. All we can do is keep going. *HUGS*
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Honestly at this point it would probably be wise to go back on it for a day or two but I'm not going to.... ugh... I guess I'll feel better tomorrow. I'm eating, sleeping, still able to go on with life.

I might have like one dose tonight to get to sleep but I should likely not need it. I will likely have some tomorrow :| ugh

What I'm experiencing/going through may not be from no benzos but from 6 really bad things this year, the last of which I'm still doing this over: 8(
 
About 72(ish?) hours without benzos. Definitely feel light symptoms. Not sure why I'm even writing this out, knowing how the power of the mind can be. Any chance to initiate/exacerbate negative head space is to be avoided.

45mg methadone
40mg amphetamine XR
(Just ate and showered to lessen potential comedown)
2 × 24oz 5.9%abv beers
2 bowls of decent buds

Watching the Celtics vs Raptors. Maybe Xbox after if in the mood, but definitely staying posted in front of the TV for the night.

Hope everyone's having a satisfying Friday evening 🙃
 
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