I’m pretty sure it was fooodmpoisoning but I also did something really stupid. I found a rig I had staged apparently that was loaded already but I hid it in my used needle container. It had a cap on it but idk how long that had been there and likely it was from this week but hell coke have been a year old for all I know and the drug addict that I am I shot it. It was all clear but didn’t feel any effects and I didn’t miss.
So it could be from that but I think more likely it was food poisoning.
I’m thru with all drugs as I see now what’s in store for me in the future if I keep it up.
With all due respect man (and I do have that for you)
The ritalin binge, followed by the reckless bacon-eating (when you knew full well it was almost certainly gonna harm you), and then the shooting the unknown into yourself...all on the back of the incessant multi-fuck ups recently...all when you are in full knowledge of the serious chaos and repeated exact-same failure to learn from the last few months...sounds to me like you are in need of professional help/rehab of some sort. It's not working for you without external input, that much is clear.
It's not so much the future you need to take care of , it's the present - right now.
You have zero impulse control right now, and that's clashing directly with your conscious desire not to consume, which in turn is imapcting further on your self esteem, and then making it even more likely to use again. And round and round we go
I feel such a sadness and anxiety reading your posts that I just don't really anymore. There's no judgement here -
my response is because I've been in the exact same scenarios where any and all intention is smashed to pieces when the stimulants are consumed, (so it can be quite traumatic for me to engage with)...and then increasing to whenever they are even potentially available (however remotely...we'll make it happen won't we)
I'm aching for you brother. You're gonna HAVE to find other ways of coping with your adhd. It can be done, I've seen it over and over again. You know, we know, we all know...it's impossible to have any sort of wellbeing as an older stimulant abuser. Too corrosive/damaging mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually too if you like. In all ways.
Big love man, brother hugs. Inbox always open to you friend.