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How Do You Get A Mans Attention

There has been some good advice here already. A marriage counselor seems like the best advice. Try the counselor thing yourself. explain to your husband "this is NOT working out right now. I am NOT happy in this relationship but I do love you ... but we need some help working things out". If he won't do anything to make you happy then divorce is something you should possibly consider. I don't want to recommend it but if he won't help your relationship and you're unhappy then why should you have to stay with him forever??

I definitely do NOT recommend sleeping with someone else though. If you're going to do that, get a divorce first.

I'm not sure what you do outside of work. But perhaps go out more. Pick up another hobby. You said you're gaining weight - maybe try the gym or an exercise class or something. There are often fun classes like yoga or zumba or something like that. Go to a couple classes per week. Focus a bit more on yourself as well.

Try and see a counselor though, I think that would be best. good luck! <3
 
I'm with Max, but I think a daily walk or something similar will do the trick.

Moderate movement may be easier for you to quickly incorporate into your daily routine.
 
Thank you for the advice.

Indeed there is a bigger picture but i am probably not getting it all out right because i am not sure how to even decribe it and because i am angry and annoyed.

Sometimes it is helpful for me to ask something like this to people who do not know us or have anything to gain or lose by giving an honest response....also sometimes i feel like i do not react to things properly and i have to see if i am the one being unreasonable. I want to make sure i am not making a mountain out of a molehill.

I do love him, and i know he loves me. I cook and clean and busy myself partly so i dont have to deal with things. This is probably the same reason he buries himself in video games and tv. We have a lot of trouble disagreeing....both of us are pretty nonconfrontational so things generally are ignored until we have a huge problem staring us in the face. Our son causes a lot of stress. I am upset with him for quitting school. Both of us want him to move out if he is not going to go to school but he does not want to. He managed to buy a new car by manipulating grandma into cosigning, without our knowledge. Now he has this brand new car and cant afford it if he moves out...I guess. He spends a lot of money on beer and fast food. I know both of us are irritated about this situation, as well as our daughter/his sister is quite annoyed. There is tension in the house from this. Of course this is dealt with in the usual fashion...dad plays video games all day, and mom cleans the house like crazy and drinks and/or gets high.

Both of us work...we are together all day owning a business. We are having troubles at the business (as many are) due to people not paying their bills....then i cant pay MY bills. I am cashing in an annuity to float us til we get busy again. I am really pissed off about this, it is not something i want to do, but we are going to end up thousands of dollars in the hole if we dont, unless a miracle happens. I also work a second job. I would say to some extent both of us are workaholics, but i am definitely worse about it than he is, because i am so tense i cant sit still all day and mess around on the computer. I will watch tv a while, be up running around doing this and that, sit back down for 15 minutes, etc etc etc.

You might say i am a very tense high strung person. Suprisingly, meth chilled me out. Unfortunately, it made me insane.

I am diagnosed with depression and ADHD, he surely is depressed but will not go to the doctor.

I guess it sounded mostly like i just want to get laid and that is not it so much, i mean it is part of it, but what i really want is for my husband to pay attention to me. I do want sex but i want it from him.

He is not constantly mean to me, in fact we are good friends and have a lot of fun together, we have alot of similar interests. But we dont communicate well, and if i try he gets mad or avoids me or yells at me and says "I dont know what you want!" which i actually believe is true...he might know if he would listen though. Even though neither one of us is very forceful i am moreso than he is.

If me sucking his dick or trying to engage him in sex where i do all the work is the only way i can get laid, i have to do what i have to do. Because i am dying to be touched and loved. I know it isnt fair, and it pisses me off, but I dont know what to do. I havent even done that in probably 3 or 4 months, and we probably havent had sex for at least 6 months. In fact, we dont normally have sex more than maybe 10 or 15 times a year, and the last few years its been like 3 or 4 times.

It went downhill ALOT when he hit 30. Its gotten worse since he hit 40. But even in his 20s, we were not screwing as much as a lot of our friends were....I mean a couple maybe 3 times a month, if i begged. LOL

And I LOOOVE porn. I am a horn dog. Its probably a throw back to my tweeker days.
 
Noodle said:
Really mia?

Could you be more unhelpful and trite?
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The hell is your problem?

I'm not a fucking marriage counselor. I don't think wearing higher heels or dying her hair blonde is going to make him want to throw her on the bed. Obviously these people have serious problems and I don't think I have anything helpful to say except: get a marriage counselor. I don't know if he's cheating on her, has a medical problem, there's serious financial problems. I DON'T think this is her fault.

I'm sorry I didn't use your brilliant advice and telling her to take a fucking walk. I just thought it would be more helpful to tell what seems like a nice woman that she can probably do better and it ISN'T her fault, and to have some self respect and not give the man head anymore. But I guess according to you if she takes a walk or "moderate movement" everything will be fine, huh? God, it's so simple!
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
The hell is your problem?

I'm not a fucking marriage counselor. I don't think wearing higher heels or dying her hair blonde is going to make him want to throw her on the bed. Obviously these people have serious problems and I don't think I have anything helpful to say except: get a marriage counselor. I don't know if he's cheating on her, has a medical problem, there's serious financial problems. I DON'T think this is her fault.

I'm sorry I didn't use your brilliant advice and telling her to take a fucking walk. I just thought it would be more helpful to tell what seems like a nice woman that she can probably do better and it ISN'T her fault, and to have some self respect and not give the man head anymore. But I guess according to you if she takes a walk or "moderate movement" everything will be fine, huh? God, it's so simple!
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If you want an independent opinion, which by the sound of it is unlikely, then I personally have found this post ^, and your last one, wholly unnecessary too.

You seem very angry, and your advice is terrible. It's also the most assertively stated in the entire thread which is probably why it was commented upon.
 
Hi there Jokergirl, I am sorry to hear about all those problems. Maybe you can write what you are feeling down for your man and than have a deep heart to heart with him and let him know how dire the situation is. I understand its just not about getting laid, you want to be treated like a woman, a beautiful woman which I know doubt know you are. It sounds like he might have something physically wrong too or psychological, especially if he is ignoring such a loving, beautiful wife. I think you 2 should read self help books on the subject, get professional help like a counselor and just some good old fashion communication. That my 2 cents, I hope it helps.
 
I NUK3D U said:
If you want an independent opinion, which by the sound of it is unlikely, then I personally have found this post ^, and your last one, wholly unnecessary too.

You seem very angry, and your advice is terrible. It's also the most assertively stated in the entire thread which is probably why it was commented upon.
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You may not like my advice, but I don't remember giving it to you. I remember giving it to the OP. And I don’t need you permission to post in this thread or anywhere else. So I don't really care what you think. About anything. If the OP doesn’t like my advice, she can ignore it. And that’s fine.

I don’t see in what world suggesting two people see a marriage counselor is “terrible” advice. There is a serious problem in this relationship and if they want to stay together I think they need professional help, not "porn" and an "ultimatum" as you so smartly suggested. And yes, I am assertive. I don’t respond to every thread on this board. If I respond to one, it’s because I have a strong opinion about the post. I think the OP’s husband is treating her badly and she sounds like a sweet woman who doesn’t deserve it. I have a strong opinion about that.

And if you want to talk about unnecessary posts...well, maybe you should stop criticizing my posts and focus on responding and helping the OP instead. This is her thread, remember?
 
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jokergirl, what an incredibly stressful situation! I have to agree with others: marriage counselor. You both are nonconfrontational, so I bet there are some things both of you aren't saying that needs to be said. He HAS GOT to know that something else is up. I'm sure he's as stressed about your son quitting school and the business struggling too. This is probably causing him to be secluded. Nonconfrontational people (as you know) tend to do things instead of talk, and since you're both the same way, you're both doing your thing and it's affecting the marriage. You guys need to get it out.
 
Well things arent improving around here idk what the hell im going to do...ive tried to get him to be loving toward me several times in the past week and a half. I cant get him to snuggle with me, I cant get him to talk to me about it. We are platonic friends and that is all.

Even in his sleep if i am touching him without realizing it he will push me away. I dont mean like in a sexual way...i mean like if any part of me like my leg or something is touching him. Apparently i repulse him. We continue to go through the motions of working and stuff, but i can tell he dont want me any more. All i am is the maid and cook and my income is needed.

I tried to be flirty earlier and texted him and he never responded, then i got on facebook and asked him to come to bed cause i was horny and he says "whatever".

He wont tell me what is wrong, he wont go to a counselor with me.

Fuck it. Im done.

I started going to NA. If i have to live in an intolerable situation, where i am nothing but someone to cook and clean and vacuum and work, where i can be treated like an object even by our son....then i am going to find a way to change my response and reactions to it. Because my love affair with white powdery substances isnt going to work.

He is supportive of me going to NA and we have talked about it. THIS is something he will talk about....MY problems.

OK so i have put on weight, but im not morbidly obese...i mean i see guys checking me out when we go out to eat or at the store. Im not a size 5, but im not a freaking cow either. Im not any bigger than i was before the meth. Im not 20 anymore but i dont think 40 is exactly dead. Ive looked at myself in the mirror and i can honestly say that on a scale of 1-10....im not a 10. LOL. But if i was a guy, i'd fuck me.

I know i am going to talk to my daughter about making sure she understands that this is not the way it is suppose to be in a family. Mom is not supposed to be ignored and abused, and mom is not suppose to get drunk or high in response to things like that.

Im very sad but i accept it i guess. I dont really have much choice lol.
 
I'm really glad you realize you deserve better because you absolutely do.

It sounds like you might be too accommodating and if he has no consequences for how he's behaving, it's unlikely he's going to change. If he is unwilling to do what it takes to resolve this, there really isn't anything you can do to force him so if he's not going to consider what you need and want, YOU are going to have to otherwise you'll just keep suffering as a result.
 
I honestly believe that using your sexual energy and putting it toward self-image-improvement will drastically change things; rather than attempting to get a quick fix in the bedroom.
 
this sounds like a tough situation and i'm not qualified to give any real advice.

however, i have similar relationship issues with my gf, so this is from the other perspective.

My gf complains that i'm distant and cold, i don't like touching/cuddling at all. She got into a fight with me because she tried to snuggle up to me and i pulled away just instinctively. The reason i am like this is from stress/anxiety. I avoid sexual contact most of the time because i feel gross, skin feels like it's crawling and too many things on my mind. Even while sleeping if she puts her arm around me or anything i feel trapped and like i can't move and i get uncomfortable and have to sleep farther away. I can't help being like this, I try to be affectionate and caring but my anxiety is just over the top and i don't want to be touched or touch at all. I still have a sex drive but i don't enjoy any intimacy. IMO, he is likely really stressed out, especially since you mention some of the stressful circumstances you are both going through.

I don't agree with the advice to go out and find someone else, that would destroy my relationship. I also don't think you should just get a divorce, this can be worked through. Alleviate as much stress as possible, talk things out, don't get caught up in blame or guilt. I can relate in so many ways, i refuse to hang out with my gf's friends, or even go anywhere or do anything. I tell her she can go do things on her own but she doesn't want to and ends up resenting me because we never do anything. I don't know how to fix myself other than gobbling down pills and i'm not even sure if i'll go back to normal some day or if the whole relationship is fucked but don't give up yet, at least wait until there's less stress on both of you.

I was also once a 19 year old college drop out who had to move home. The stress my dad put me under to either work or go back to school caused me a great number of issues. I eventually went back to school but only after a year and a half mental torture session. Your son is lost and confused and needs help finding a way out, at least that's how it was for me. I just needed time to grow and mature, i wasn't ready the first time i went to college. A good motivator for your son is absolute freedom/fun, maybe if you can equate school with freedom/fun/experimentation your son would happily go back, i know i would, 4 years of no responsibilities and non-stop hedonism is far more appealing than living with your parents.
 
I've got a couple idea's the first one would be demand an answer lock you and him in a room and demand that he talk to you what has he said. I mean who doesn't want sex he doesn't want it or to talk about it or watch porn. Is he not open-minded at all ? I need a little more info tell me about the drug use and if you are both open-minded I would maybe recommend swinging.Also does he have a lot of anger ?
 
i think the best way to get a man's attention is to flirt with another man. it will provoke him in to saying something like why are you flirting with that man, and you could say because you never give me any attention anymore. then he might stop and think, maybe i should listen to my wife's needs and desires, worth a try honey.
 
RobotRipping said:
this sounds like a tough situation and i'm not qualified to give any real advice.

however, i have similar relationship issues with my gf, so this is from the other perspective.

My gf complains that i'm distant and cold, i don't like touching/cuddling at all. She got into a fight with me because she tried to snuggle up to me and i pulled away just instinctively. The reason i am like this is from stress/anxiety. I avoid sexual contact most of the time because i feel gross, skin feels like it's crawling and too many things on my mind. Even while sleeping if she puts her arm around me or anything i feel trapped and like i can't move and i get uncomfortable and have to sleep farther away. I can't help being like this, I try to be affectionate and caring but my anxiety is just over the top and i don't want to be touched or touch at all. I still have a sex drive but i don't enjoy any intimacy. IMO, he is likely really stressed out, especially since you mention some of the stressful circumstances you are both going through.

I don't agree with the advice to go out and find someone else, that would destroy my relationship. I also don't think you should just get a divorce, this can be worked through. Alleviate as much stress as possible, talk things out, don't get caught up in blame or guilt. I can relate in so many ways, i refuse to hang out with my gf's friends, or even go anywhere or do anything. I tell her she can go do things on her own but she doesn't want to and ends up resenting me because we never do anything. I don't know how to fix myself other than gobbling down pills and i'm not even sure if i'll go back to normal some day or if the whole relationship is fucked but don't give up yet, at least wait until there's less stress on both of you.

I was also once a 19 year old college drop out who had to move home. The stress my dad put me under to either work or go back to school caused me a great number of issues. I eventually went back to school but only after a year and a half mental torture session. Your son is lost and confused and needs help finding a way out, at least that's how it was for me. I just needed time to grow and mature, i wasn't ready the first time i went to college. A good motivator for your son is absolute freedom/fun, maybe if you can equate school with freedom/fun/experimentation your son would happily go back, i know i would, 4 years of no responsibilities and non-stop hedonism is far more appealing than living with your parents.
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Listen to this guy. I'm 31 and I have been through times where I felt the same thing. My stress levels were through the roof at the time, and I had issues with contact with anyone, even my GF (now wife). That dude needs a vacation, and not like a few days off of work, he needs a few weeks away from everything with no stress.
 
You could have sex with women, thats not cheating. My girlfriend has sex with women sometimes. You can even let him watch. Your husband couldnt possibly play video games while you are fucking a woman in the bed next to him.

Your husband could possibly be gay, and so not much turned on by a vagina, in fact some gay men are repulsed (so Ive heard) by vagina, maybe offer him anal sex, or even a MMF threesome. Would you be interested in watching him with another man, then maybe 'have' both of them at once?

Perhaps he is asexual, has very little interest in sexual things, and just prefers your company rather than sexual intimacy.
Hormonal problems perhaps.

Maybe he uses opiates, like nurofen plus OTC tablets, does he say he has lots of headaches or other body pains requiring him to take daily does of pain meds?
Does he abuse any drugs that you know of, or could he be without you knowing?

If its just sex you want then you could probably just have affairs, even with his blessing if you talk to him about it, some men like the idea of their females having sex with other men (see sperm competition theory).

Obviously I cannot diagnose him, but these are possibles you might consider.

Most likely it is treatable, not related to you personally, and you need to go to health professionals to find out exactly what is wrong.
 
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