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How Do You Get A Mans Attention

jokergirl

jokergirl

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 22, 2011
Messages
23
Location
usa
Been married a long time, got kids who are teens.

Hubby wont have sex with me, claims he thinks i am still sexy but seriously we've hooked up like once in the last 6 months and it was only because i pushed it and was begging for it.

Im not unnaturally horny but i would like to get it at least a couple times a month.

Sometimes he claims we are going to but then when i try to get romantic with him, he gets all pissy cause he wants to watch tv.

All he does when we are not working is either watch tv or play computer. Today he played computer 17 hours in a row. And we had company. We wanted to go and do something but he threw a fit and was like well you just go, it isnt any fun for me. But i know better if id have went there would have been hell to pay.

He claims he is not depressed neither, i dont know what to do for him. I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. He still isnt happy i think.

The only sex he will have with me is if i (hope this isnt TMI) suck his dick. He dont want to reciprocate that though and he dont want to actually have sex. Once i was so sexually frustrated that when turned down AGAIN so he could watch tv i pulled out the vibrator and put on a huge show jacking off, screaming, moaning, and clawing the sheets....he just watched tv....lol.

I love him i am just so horny, i dont know what to do with him. He is in his 40s and i just turned 40. I know he is not cheating on me and neither am i. OMG how do i get him to give it up, he wont talk to me.
 
jokergirl said:
All he does when we are not working is either watch tv or play computer. Today he played computer 17 hours in a row. And we had company. We wanted to go and do something but he threw a fit and was like well you just go, it isnt any fun for me. But i know better if id have went there would have been hell to pay.
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There are some things (the quoted part in particular) that concern me. I think the lack of sex in your relationship is just a result of some other, more complex issues.

I recommend that you try and convince him to go with you to see a marriage counselor or similar. He may also benefit from seeing a psychologist on his own..

I won't speculate or elaborate further, as I don't know enough about the situation. What I do know is that your relationship doesn't sound healthy, and neither of you seem happy - the lack of sex should probably be the least of your worries right now, and I strongly suggest you work on your marriage on a deeper level.
 
The best way to get a mans attention is to ignore him. Cos then we want to know why and start to pay you more attention.
Wouldn't hurt to try it. Good luck in your quest to get laid.
 
This sounds like a very one-sided relationship. Do yourself a favour and stop giving your dickhead husband blowjobs. How much reward does this asshole need? When are the kids grown? I'd be planning on a split. There are much better men out there who will appreciate and reciprocate your charms.
 
I see nothing wrong with seeking sex outside the relationship and not telling him even if you feel really guilty about it. The guilt will go away the more you rationalize it and do it, but then again, I'm young, don't know the situation, could quite possibly have different morals and upbringing than you, and so on, but it doesn't seem fair at all what you have to go through and don't know why you'd feel obligated to remain in such a soul-crushing situation with such a whore of a human being. Whore in this case meaning someone who gets all the instant gratification he wants, and doesn't know how to share or give love. He's a loveless person.
You say you love him, but you could be wrong, you know...

This really is my honest opinion, and it's what you get when you post a thread on a forum. I'm not trying to be an indirect and faceless homewrecker, but I don't see why you getting your desired fill should wreck anyone's home any more than your dickhead of a husband is already wrecking it. If he feels that his "working" is more than enough to justify the relationship then he's obviously a complete retard when it comes to being a family man...you wouldn't really be wrecking much other than an emotionally abusive relationship.

Ok there's that, now that's out of my system, maybe just try lingerie and getting him hard with your hand, then disrobing him and insisting that he take care of you. Maybe try taking control in the bedroom more and telling him to do stuff for you. Maybe have him massage your feet while you make the big show of using your vibrator. That way he can watch tv while still being a little sensual, and you can get off. Maybe join a gym or a yoga class to get in better shape. Maybe try jumping him in the shower. There's many possibilities. Just keep your mind open.

EDIT: And I hope you're not my mom, because my mom's in the same situation. I really hope my dad isn't making my mom suck his dick and then never returning the favor. Your situation sounds so similar to my mother's, she claims she's at the point where she doesn't even care if he cheats on her as long as he's happy. That's kinda fucked up sounding, especially since she does EVERYthing for the family short of bringing home the bigger of the two paychecks. uggh I gotta get outta here....
 
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Wow, jokergirl. This sounds so unhealthy. I'm with Coffee: I don't want to be a homewrecker or like Mell22 said, I don't want to speculate, but something is wrong here. 17 hours playing games? Ummm, yeah, not healthy. Does he work?

This is one of the few times I think if he isn't going to get off his ass and contribute to the household and the marriage, that I would not fault you for straying. I've heard stories like this before from friends, and they try and try and try to save their marriage, but what can you do? I always think you should break up with the guy first, but I know it isn't that easy in a marriage with kids. I don't agree with it, but I understand why people take the cheating path in a longterm marriage when you're stuck in this situation.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's not right, and it sounds like you're backed into a corner.

I guess I'll ask a question I think others might be thinking but don't want to say: Is it possible he is getting sex somewhere else? If he's hooked on video games, I'm not surprised he spends 17 hours playing games and never goes out to get sex. Know plenty of those types. lol But, I think you should look at all reasons with a clear head before you make any rash decisions.
 
Mel22's post is the only necessary one in this thread: this is marriage counselor material, not SLR material.

In any event, it sounds like a bad situation all around, and I'm sorry you're going through it. :(
 
You are right this really isnt the place for a question like this and i wish he would go to a marriage counselor with me but he wont talk about it.

Yes he works full time and i know work is stressful for him, but it is for me too and i dont act like this. Any time he is not at work he is either watching tv or playing video games on the computer. I think he is addicted to tv/video games because he wont do anything else in his down time.

Im sure he is not cheating i just think he has no sex drive. I dont know if it is stress or what. Unfortunately, even stressed out, i get horny.

We are having a lot of issues with family, there has been a recent divorce and there is some issues with the kids that i know are driving him (and me) nuts.

Im not sure how to bring up marriage counseling, i know when i was going to a counselor for a while, they wanted him to come in and he threw a fit and wouldnt, said he could not get away from work. Finally he did but he said nothing and was very unreceptive.

I do not really know how to deal with my marriage and life problems and i did drugs for a while, i dont know if he harbors some resentment toward me for it. Im desperately tempted to do it again and probably would if i had a hookup...im sure i can make one or more again but i am afraid if i get back into the meth i will never be able to quit again. Ive been drinking a lot more than i used to and i know it pisses him off but i dont know what to do i cant just sit in the recliner and be quiet so i dont interrupt his game or show, and im tired of being a maid. Our kids are 17 and 20, our son recently quit college and moved home, and that has also been stressful and pissing me off.

Both my husband and i work full time, both of us have elderly parents. I no longer have many friends because i just want to be alone a lot. I am so lonely i think is a lot of the problem. I know i should get a hobby but i cant get interested in anything. I spend a lot of time staring at a wall, or laying in bed crying. I am a pathetic excuse for a human being when you get right down to it.

Maybe it is because i have gained weight. I dont know it dont seem like that big of a deal and he has never said anything about it, but maybe i am just not sexy anymore. I lost a lot of weight when i was doing meth and then when i quit i gained weight, i tried to not, but i was so hungry.
 
I wouldn't stress too much about the sex driving having anything to do with his attraction to you specifically. So many things can affect it. Still is enough to do that. And if he really is dependent on video games then that could certainly create a loss of interest.

Personally I'm not a big fan of having outside relationships with other people unless that's the type of relationship that it is. But I would predict that would create even more of a divide between you two rather than help the situation.

Issues can be discussed (which admittedly I'm terrible at), but they don't usually just go away on their own. If you can open up the dialogue that may be helpful and prevent you from having to speculate.
 
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Belisarius said:
Mel22's post is the only necessary one in this thread: this is marriage counselor material, not SLR material.
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Not necessarily.

I'd go with Coffeedrinker's advice too...but tell him you did it, and you're going to do it if you don't get some answers soon.

You can't stay together for the kids if it ain't working - so find a way to make him want it, you're a woman - shake what ya mama gave ya!

On reading your last post though - sounds like you should focus on yourself a bit more, and getting things you're interested in again in your life, and getting to a healthy weight - maybe he's just not attracted to you anymore, and that's not good is it? You can change that, if you really want to...it sounds like you don't really want to at the moment though, you just want sex..

You've had drug problems, and now have a "sex" problem - compulsiveness makes me think YOU're the one who's depressed.

So chin up, and get your life back.
 
The tv/video games are an escape from reality and are a symptom, not a cause.
 
Mel22 said:
There are some things (the quoted part in particular) that concern me. I think the lack of sex in your relationship is just a result of some other, more complex issues.

I recommend that you try and convince him to go with you to see a marriage counselor or similar. He may also benefit from seeing a psychologist on his own..

.
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Exactly, I think its more complex thing, has anything change from before, when u did have a lot of sex?
 
no sex is a symptom of bigger issues and un-happieness within yourself. you should start eating a raw vegan diet and meet with a therapist.
 
He sounds like a dick (or a man without one). Get a marriage counselor, or better, a divorce lawyer. And don't give him head anymore. He doesn't deserve it.

I'm sure you can find a much better man who will want to jump you so much that YOU'RE going to be the one saying "I'm tired... can we just watch TV?" ;)
 
jokergirl, this sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. It's hard to give advice, because there are so many issues and pieces to it that one answer just doesn't seem right. It just doesn't seem right to me, though, that you should be forced to be unhappy with the current situation. I was only married for 5 years, and when I wanted to go back to school and stop making all the cash, my husband was incredibly unsupportive and I basically got out not long afterward. I have no tolerance for that kind of behavior. I am totally against any man treating a woman like she should be stuck to cooking and cleaning and taking care of kids and doing her womanly duty to stay in a unhappy marriage. To me, it sounds like he has this attitude, but I only have your couple of posts to go off of and I realize I am missing a lot of pieces.

You need to work on you, IMO. Your kids are grown (well, 17 is almost grown). The 20 year old is making a mistake, but he's 20 and probably has 0 idea of responsibility. He will either go back to school or go the wrong direction. I realize that you have to be there for both of your kids, and the selfish part of me wants to see you do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Only you can really answer that. Both of your kids are old enough to understand that mom needs a life too. They aren't toddlers who can't understand divorce.
 
jokergirl said:
i am afraid if i get back into the meth i will never be able to quit again. Ive been drinking a lot more than i used to and i know it pisses him off but i dont know what to do i cant just sit in the recliner and be quiet so i dont interrupt his game or show, and im tired of being a maid.

Maybe it is because i have gained weight. I dont know it dont seem like that big of a deal and he has never said anything about it, but maybe i am just not sexy anymore. I lost a lot of weight when i was doing meth and then when i quit i gained weight, i tried to not, but i was so hungry.
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Don't turn to meth, it will only make matters worse. You should consider good ol' exercise. It would reduce your stress levels, help you lose weight, and get you out of the house. Three birds with one stone. It's hard to get into it, but if you sign up at the local gym and get into a good routine the endorphins will keep you coming back in no time. :)
 
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