How do you fight hopelessness?

DroneLore

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 8, 2009
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What do you do when you feel alone, like you want to cry, like you don't understand what you want out of life and like no one understands how you feel or what you're going through? What is your best line of defense against lieing to yourself?
 
This is a tough one for me because I felt the same way for a long time... what I found gave me hope was changing things in my life... going new places, meeting new people, going back to college helped a lot... dependency issues compounded my problems and becoming dependency free also played a big part in realizing my strength as a person... even though I was depressed "pre-dependencies"... perhaps it was the first true goal I set only for myself and attained all by myself and gave me the confidence to love living and love myself... if you want to be loved, I've found that the best way to get that is to give people something to love about you... I used to always make excuses and blame others for my problems... when I started making changes to make thing work instead of making excuses as to why they won't or can't, I found the meaning of love... :)
 
Really honesty? I think everyone experiences negative emotions in a different way. Although they might feel similar, we are always reacting in the moment in different ways which effects how we feel.

Like this. Could not sleep for even 5 mins last night. Am tapering opiates and got a bit too cocky which happens some times. Sat up about 5:30am when it was still dark out. And because my bed is right by a window I opened the window, layed back down, and just stared outside like I was frozen in time, listening to the sounds/trying to see if any of my neighbors were up (not sure why).

I sometimes get these odd bouts of depression especially in the mornings. And although they wear off quickly today was pretty fuckn bad. I've overcome my depression I'd say about 90% from what it use to be back in the day, but this morning just reminded me of what it use to be like when I would wake up everyday basically wanting to be dead.

Anyway I've noticed over the years the way I react in the moment to depression has changed drastically. I can almost literally appreciate being in that type of mind state now. Maybe because its not as consistent as it use to be, but I was genuinely tearing as I was looking out the window, but smiling at the same time. Its hard to explain what kind of mood I was in but I think I was simultaneously accepting the depression as it was happening. I felt horrible, and down, and hopeless, but at the same time it felt neccessary, it felt natural, and it felt like "the bitter before the sweet". Like I knew to some degree eventually it would go away, and although it was effecting me, it doesn't effect me anymore like when I use to be younger.

When I was younger (in my early 20s) depression use to feel like a trap or a prison. I'd always think "this is unfair, this is bullshit, I hate the world, I can't escape this" and now its more like "oh.. that time again, ok, lets see if we can not fight it and try to actually accept it". I found to some degree you CAN seperate yourself from your own emotions. And even though they still effect you, you don't feel so connected to them anymore or trapped.

Depression has definitely changed with my age. I never use to smile at the same time I'd be tearing up, but something just makes me at peace with it now. I think what honestly happened is I've faught it for so long, tried to kill myself twice already, and have learned to some extent you really can't fight depression. It only drains you more and makes you feel more and more imprisoned in your thoughts. When you accept that its natural, it seems to not tigthen its grip so much, and just feels lighter overall.

It went away when I redosed and now I feel normal again. But as far as depression I don't fight it anymore, when it comes I understand its just a natural phase my brain has to go through for w/e reason, and I do my absolute best to accept it. I don't exactly welcome it, I just be at peace with it when it does happen.
 
The biggest thing for me has been learning to accept the things I can't change. Everything is fucked, and I can't do shit about it. Its a hard concept to wrap your head around. I want so badly to fight back, even if I know that it wouldn't do any good. I'm only fighting myself. I've pretty much given up on everything except ME. Every time I trust someone with anything, even something insignificant, they fuck me over and over and over again. So you know what? Fuck 'em. I can't blame them for taking advantage of me, when I let them. No more expectations. No more trusting friends to help me out when I'm in a jam, no more fucking girlfriends. I'm better off alone. If someone is in trouble and I can do something to help them I still will, I can't change that about myself. I'm done putting emotional investment into people who aren't family, though. If they don't want my help, then they can eat shit and die for all I care. I'm just gonna rage on, because that's all I got left.
 
Dronelore: I often fall in despair/depression and have done since I was about 11. I hoped it would change after teenage years and although it did somewhat, I still get bouts of depression, anxiety and all that other wonderful stuff! 8)
I'l talk about this from a Spiritual perspective here however there is also rational means to be considered; such as eating right, excercising moderatly, resting/sleeping etc

I think to tell yourself that you have to let things pass through you is very important in not denying your feelings and also not indulging in them. When they inhabit you it is so easy to identify your Self with that feeling(s). Though they are a part of you and are trying to tell you something(albeit dramatically and overwhelmingly so) I really think this is their purpose. So bearing that in mind, it is important to treat yourself with as much care and respect during the episode(s).
Think of a creature shedding its skin/shell. It is a vulnerable and dangerous time but a necessary transition for the growth and evolution for that creature.
I really believe we are no different. We are trying to deal with the change(s) in ourselves and our life. :)

Councelling has helped somewhat insofar as I actually did something for myself to mark the reality of what was going on for me. More times than not though, unfortunately I have found the majority of councelling didnt actually alleviate the symptoms but did provide me with some needed support. Being on your own and ashamed of how you are feeling does perpetuate the problem and personally, I find it very difficult to share my true, dark feelings with friends as it has usually been belittled in the past.
The company you keep is very important. Finding people who are understanding, genuine and respectful to you and only surrounding yourself with those is paramount. If they are not to be found again, councelling, self help books and or any media that has a positive influence on you is paramount.

I find being true to yourself in the moment probably being the most effective way to 'come down' from the intensity of despair. Repressing emotions, denying them and judging yourself harshly can only prolong and exhaserbate the whole experience IMO. However you obviously dont want to dwell on negative feelings but release them and therefore release their severity.

A good cry and shout ,scream roar is always so important! If things need to come out, let them come out in a safe setting where you can express your feelings secure in the knowledge that you are not losing control/face.

Give yourself some space for yourself; space to feel vulnerable(as we all are), to accept the hurt you are going through and ask yourself what, why and say 'fuck you' to the world!
Do this all with the intention of healing yourself-healing yourself is not a pretty looking experience, there is alot of snot, growling, sobbing, face contorting into what resembles a smaked arse, wailing of the mantra 'what the fuck is wrong with me!?' and so on. Anger and vulnerability go hand in hand alot of the time. Let yourself feel angry and express it in whatever way isn't harmful to yourself or another, dont deny it!

Listen to music that comforts you and surround yourself with natural beauty-go for a stroll in nature;nature has a serene and productive way of just 'being' it has none of the conditional bullshit that our species seems to hang on to.

Last but certainly not least, having a good laugh at anything is a fabulous way to boost your seritonin levels and re-connect with yourself after the draining experience you have gone through, dont forget to reward yourself, you deserve to mock the hilarity of the human condition as it is and always will be a big gigantic paradox that doesnt make alot of rational sense but we are all in it together; whether we admit it or not!

~All this may sound a little hippy-dippy for your liking but I really think that a catharsis is much more rewarding, long term. There is meaning to your sadness hun; your own meaning and it is up to you to find it in yourself. Keep your head up in the face of your pain, it will pass on and with time, hopefully, leave you with a new sense of who you are and how strong you are.
<3
 
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Yeah, I scream a lot. I kinda think I might even have some kind of mild tourettes or something since I have some minor muscular tics as well. It used to weird out my co-workers because it would happen a lot when I was stressed. I worked in back, so they would just hear me scream and be like "Everything alright?" and I'd be all "Yeah, I'm good now". I can control it when I'm not overwhelmed with other shit, but if I hold too much in I'll have a panic attack. I guess everyone needs some kind of release though. Exercise helps a lot.
 
What about understanding the fact that you cant control the universe but how you react in to it. It has helped me a lot when I figured that out.
 
Dronelore: I often fall in despair/depression and have done since I was about 11. I hoped it would change after teenage years and although it did somewhat, I still get bouts of depression, anxiety and all that other wonderful stuff! 8)
I'l talk about this from a Spiritual perspective here however there is also rational means to be considered; such as eating right, excercising moderatly, resting/sleeping etc

I think to tell yourself that you have to let things pass through you is very important in not denying your feelings and also not indulging in them. When they inhabit you it is so easy to identify your Self with that feeling(s). Though they are a part of you and are trying to tell you something(albeit dramatically and overwhelmingly so) I really think this is their purpose. So bearing that in mind, it is important to treat yourself with as much care and respect during the episode(s).
Think of a creature shedding its skin/shell. It is a vulnerable and dangerous time but a necessary transition for the growth and evolution for that creature.
I really believe we are no different. We are trying to deal with the change(s) in ourselves and our life. :)

Councelling has helped somewhat insofar as I actually did something for myself to mark the reality of what was going on for me. More times than not though, unfortunately I have found the majority of councelling didnt actually alleviate the symptoms but did provide me with some needed support. Being on your own and ashamed of how you are feeling does perpetuate the problem and personally, I find it very difficult to share my true, dark feelings with friends as it has usually been belittled in the past.
The company you keep is very important. Finding people who are understanding, genuine and respectful to you and only surrounding yourself with those is paramount. If they are not to be found again, councelling, self help books and or any media that has a positive influence on you is paramount.

I find being true to yourself in the moment probably being the most effective way to 'come down' from the intensity of despair. Repressing emotions, denying them and judging yourself harshly can only prolong and exhaserbate the whole experience IMO. However you obviously dont want to dwell on negative feelings but release them and therefore release their severity.

A good cry and shout ,scream roar is always so important! If things need to come out, let them come out in a safe setting where you can express your feelings secure in the knowledge that you are not losing control/face.

Give yourself some space for yourself; space to feel vulnerable(as we all are), to accept the hurt you are going through and ask yourself what, why and say 'fuck you' to the world!
Do this all with the intention of healing yourself-healing yourself is not a pretty looking experience, there is alot of snot, growling, sobbing, face contorting into what resembles a smaked arse, wailing of the mantra 'what the fuck is wrong with me!?' and so on. Anger and vulnerability go hand in hand alot of the time. Let yourself feel angry and express it in whatever way isn't harmful to yourself or another, dont deny it!

Listen to music that comforts you and surround yourself with natural beauty-go for a stroll in nature;nature has a serene and productive way of just 'being' it has none of the conditional bullshit that our species seems to hang on to.

Last but certainly not least, having a good laugh at anything is a fabulous way to boost your seritonin levels and re-connect with yourself after the draining experience you have gone through, dont forget to reward yourself, you deserve to mock the hilarity of the human condition as it is and always will be a big gigantic paradox that doesnt make alot of rational sense but we are all in it together; whether we admit it or not!

~All this may sound a little hippy-dippy for your liking but I really think that a catharsis is much more rewarding, long term. There is meaning to your sadness hun; your own meaning and it is up to you to find it in yourself. Keep your head up in the face of your pain, it will pass on and with time, hopefully, leave you with a new sense of who you are and how strong you are.
<3

i really like your response:\

OP thanks for making this thread. i feel like imma benefit alot from the responses<3;)
 
Wow lots of great wisdom in this thread!

I've been going through a similar period and I've found that I need a balance between internal/external change. I've always tried to change who I am, fix myself, figure out what I wrong with me etc. It is easy for me to get caught up in a perpetual state of wanting to change myself more and more. But the more genuine I allow myself to be, and the more accepting I am of what it is that I become aware of, the more peace I have. So this isn't necessarily changing anything but my perception and acknowledging what is already there.

When I allow myself to do this then external change seems to come on its own, rather than being forced and based on a lack of acceptance.

Like Bo said you can feel like complete shit but be accepting and at peace with it. Emotions are just drug-like states that come and go, there is a peace beyond them that is accessible if we do not let them control us either by suppression or getting too caught up in them.
 
How do you fight it? Build an ego. How do you do that? It varies from person to person. Im hangin' by a thread also; but not really haha. Challenges build self, we all face them; those who persevere despite the odds are extraordinary indeed.
 
^Maybe you could add some of your own wisdom.

ithinkiwill;)

IME the best way to fight hopelessness is to put on some dubstep and practice gloving. i love the feeling i get when the bass drops and ive accomplished some move that ive been working on forever. (if that makes any sense) ive noticed that if i have too much time on my mind that it only amplifies the hopeless thoughts.

i guess thats the point of a hobby though right?
 
call or meet a close friend... sometimes just talking to someone who understands, can change your mood completely.

listen to music.

do something you enjoy doing.

sometimes ill go to a meeting.

being around positivity or positive people.

Tell myself, just let go and let god. some things in life you just cannot control, you have to let go, and let everything fall into place, the way its supposed to. whatever will be, will be. everything happens for a reason. lets the chips fall where they may.

taking a drive. getting out in the world can at times help my depression.
 
I felt like that for a long time. For years i felt as if i had no hope and nothing to live for. I didn't think i would make it till 30 because i thought i would kill myself or end up overdosing or something. I would sit down all day chain smoking and popping whatever pills i could. Of course none of that helped and the self loathing made everything worse still.

But things started to change slowly at first then pretty damn quick. I found something to live for and i felt like i had something to look foreword to. I went from feeling majorly depressed, suicidal and totally hopeless to feeling like the luckiest cunt on the face of the planet in a matter of a few days once.

Now i know i have alot to look foreword to and i am not really depressed anymore at all and i certainly don't feel hopeless. But you really have to have something to live for as you cannot live for nothing but existence. It could be going to a university you want to go to, traveling to a place you like, going for a job you want, going out with some woman/guy you basically dream about ;) or anything at all.

Basically if a miserable cunt like me can pull himself out of the pits of despair anyone can :\ . As little as 3 years ago i was contemplating suicide almost everyday and all the time wishing for death. Now it's been a long ass time since i have even thought about it in any serious manner. Also im now 29 years old and i'm actually looking foreword to my 30's believe it or not. My 20's where a chaotic manic-depressive mess of ups and downs. It was both the best of times and the worst of times. This applies especially to when i was 28. So yeah i'm looking forward to things just being mostly the best of times =D

Nietzsche once said "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how". Personally i think he was right :)
 
/\ I hear yah on the 30's comment. Although I'm still a drug addict and addicted to opiates I was a complete utter fucking mess in younger years. I mean I had absolutely 0 impulse control for everything in my life.
I would smoke meth all day long no matter where I was. Never had to worry about buying it so I basically did it whenever I wanted to, and that was like every hour or so. But it was the meth psychosis I remember the most. The intense paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, still almost can't believe I did that to myself.

At this point of my life I notice I've just gained a lot more self control. And I also started accepting responsibility for a lot of my actions. Like if something goes wrong or I have a bad day I don't blame drugs anymore, I blame myself which allows me to understand I can also change my life by simply changing my behavoir.
Its not exactly simple changing behavoir, but I do see myself cleaning my life up a great deal in these upcoming years. Theres no addictions left to have, I never enjoyed any of them, and theres really nothing else left to do but get clean for me.

So I'm also looking forward to my 30's. I'm 28 now, my birthday is the end of June, and maybe I'll be clean by then, maybe not, but I'm sure some aspect of my drug habit will have improved by them. Guess we will see.
 
It seems many posts suggestions involve setting a self improvement goal and being able to accomplish it.... I fully agree :)

I wish you the best in your journey to happiness, and to the rest of the respondents, I also found your input to be interesting and understand respectively. :)
 
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"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how."
- Nietzsche

He's absolutely right..... and he did include the caveat "almost" ;)

and he also said;

"....when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."

I know well enough how deep the abyss goes..... and it's far beyond the limits of my vision.

The void can be many things; painfully beautiful infinity, terrible deep cold, or a black mirror that can be a tool to look into ourselves.....
Despair is brought by the fear of emptiness, and hopelessness by the cold which the depths contain.
But hope is a carrot dangled on a string too easily cut, so keep your hopes close enough to grab.
 
I would have said your all full of shit to some extent or another 4 years ago... now I totally agree... nobody could reason logically with a person in denial... I mean this only as an observation of myself and that being the most significant factor in my change for the better...

@dronelore: it sounds like you do understand that your not happy and want to be, excellent advice has been given by all respondents, and we will be here for support and questions and anything else... it is up to you wether you choose to take us up on our offers :)
 
observation is worthless, unless something is learned from it. otherwise we might as well be sheep.

be the badger.

badger_1.gif
 
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