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Advice How do you decide whether to have children or not?

bongdong said:
@Bicycle Tripper Well, I don't have and won't have children. My genes are not worth passing on, so in that sense it was/is not really an 'open' decision, more like 'finding out'. I just can't justify (or live with myself) creating life and pushing it into this sort of situation/dilemma, ..the state of the rest of the world aside.

I recommend reading Better Never to Have Been - The harm of coming into existence (David Benatar)
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Thanks for the recommendation, I have definitely felt that sometimes I would rather not have been born. I also feel that any of my children would have a pretty high chance of taking after me and ending up depressed.
negrogesic said:
But my greater concern these days is: how wise is it to bring a human into existence given the state of things? Most specifically, environmental conditions, but also geopolitical. How rosy will things look in the year 2080? I am not optimistic unfortunately. Food, water and energy scarcity could make this place pretty hostile by then.
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I feel the same, not much seems positive about our future, although there have been plenty of times like this in the past and people have had kids then. It does seem unfair to purposely bring someone into a world where things are about to go tits up. The human race wouldn't be around long if everyone thought like that though!
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
It was more said in jest mate. It's true I didn't used to want kids, but now I've got them I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Thanks for explaining. I thought maybe you were serious at first? I know people who have children, did not want them, and basically disowned them, abandoned them, etc.
 
I doubt I'll ever have children. I avoid it from happening and have never come in a woman even if I've fucked without protection a time or two. I guess as a millenial (born 1983) I'm less likely to have kids anyway so that's good
 
Wow !!
I have always wanted to be a father, and I am, to a wonderful young man 23. It has and always will be a tremendous amount of work, but I have not recieved anything in life that has given me close to the joy of teaching and seeing him succeed and help him up when he fails.
Yes I have done a great deal of work on myself over the years to not allow my default settings of Selfish, Self-centered and Egotistic run my life.
It has worked out well
 
Iceman1216 said:
Wow !!
I have always wanted to be a father, and I am, to a wonderful young man 23. It has and always will be a tremendous amount of work, but I have not recieved anything in life that has given me close to the joy of teaching and seeing him succeed and help him up when he fails.
Yes I have done a great deal of work on myself over the years to not allow my default settings of Selfish, Self-centered and Egotistic run my life.
It has worked out well
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Thanks for your insights Iceman
 
I’ve lately been thinking about having another kid. Despite it being 10 years since the last one and the fact I have no girlfriend. I see what I did not do well in raising my first two and still desire the full tight knit family experience and the project of raising kids right to take on the contemporary world.

I’m sure it’s just at the level of fantasy. But you never know. May dating range starts at about 35 so it’s not impossible I could meet someone who wants one.
 
we have two girls neither was planned. and my wife was on the pill for both of them and they are 7 yrs apart. i can imagine life without them but would not not to be without them. weather it's planned on not it depends on how well YOU step up to the plate and take care of them. my parents didn't want kids and had 5 , it showed in their attitude towards us. my wifes parents wanted kid they wanted at least a dozen. and you could tell how they treated their kids. both my parents are dead now. in 37yrs of my life with them , never once said they loved me, proud of me no hugs or getting tucked in at night. the only way i knew i wasn't in trouble i wasn't getting screamed at or getting the leather strap. my wife had it completely opposite. they wanted kids.

my advice get a dog first not a cat a dog they need more taking care of than a cat.
 
Atelier3 said:
I’ve lately been thinking about having another kid. Despite it being 10 years since the last one and the fact I have no girlfriend. I see what I did not do well in raising my first two and still desire the full tight knit family experience and the project of raising kids right to take on the contemporary world.

I’m sure it’s just at the level of fantasy. But you never know. May dating range starts at about 35 so it’s not impossible I could meet someone who wants one.
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Don't you feel getting another kid so that you get a do-over is a bit, in lack of better words, selfish?
Isn't it better to take care of the two you allready have, and fix what you know you didn't do well?
 
tubgirl.jpg said:
Don't you feel getting another kid so that you get a do-over is a bit, in lack of better words, selfish?
Isn't it better to take care of the two you allready have, and fix what you know you didn't do well?
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Yah. I think that also. I’m doing a pretty good job fixing what I didn’t/t do well though. Al least for my second one.
 
I never wanted kids.
when I was younger everyone would always say to me... oh just wait til you’re older, you’ll change your mind.
The older I got, the more I didn’t want them.

Now, I could say I’ve made the responsible decision to not bring children into #junkielife
But let’s be real, there’s no responsible junkies- just selfish ones.
 
I can feel the biological side urging me to have children as I get older, but I never will. Lucky I'm gay so there will be no accidental kids, no "let's not pull out just this one time." I've never understood how people "accidentally" have kids aside from a condom breaking or something. If you bareback at all, you're basically asking for a child. My sister did this TWICE and both times claimed she thought her reproductive system was so fucked that she would never get pregnant. The first time, OK, I can sort of accept that -- the second time? Give me a break. Anyway /rant

Reasons why I don't want kids:
- I can barely take care of myself
- Too many health problems that would impede my presence as a parent
- I'd need a partner and stable male-male LTRs are next to impossible
- My genetics suck (diseases) and so does the male line of my family, so I'd rather just let it die with me
- I've seen enough of my friends get duped into the promise of parenthood to know that it's actually hell
- The only way to make child rearing somewhat tolerable is to have money and I don't have that
- Your selfish "me" life is basically over and you don't get a real break until they are adults
- Children under 5 y/o are annoying AF and I can't stand to be around most of them for more than 5 minutes, let alone the idea of living with/being responsible for one
- The intrigue that people have with children is a trick of nature to get you to rear them -- children are not really that interesting to me
- I hate the way the world is, especially the institutions that would be forced upon my child that are beyond my control: the schools, the medical establishment, the hostile capitalist environment, the endless bullshit of the government. I feel that not adding another human being to their cannon fodder is a form of protest.

Things that make me reconsider every now and then:
- What else is there to do in life if you don't have a solid career or raise a family? There's not much.
- The opportunity for self-learning through the child.
- The opportunity to have one of the most intimate relationships you can possibly have with another human being.
- Kids get you out into the world and into new experiences
 
I'm glad and we plan to have more kids in the future. I'm 38 years old. It doesn't seem crazy to me anymore to have another when I'm 50.

Kids are the best.

Some people say they have pets instead of kids. I've always been an animal person, but (after the birth of my daughter) I realize how poor a substitution that really is.

Human beings need other human beings. We are designed to socialize and we are designed to reproduce.

Being a parent is really hard, but it's also really magical.

The hardest thing about being a parent is accepting the fact that life as you once knew it is over. It's the next chapter. You need to be ready to move on.
 
birdup.snaildown said:
The hardest thing about being a parent is accepting the fact that life as you once knew it is over. It's the next chapter. You need to be ready to move on.
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I think this may be something I struggle with, I feel like I haven't really accomplished all that I want in this chapter yet, and it feels like any opportunities after kids arrive are going to be limited.

Maybe I should try and figure what I want to accomplish and get on with it.

Thanks all for your replies
 
My sister got all the way to age 39 saying Nope. No kids ever, no chance, zero interest.
Suddenly one day she wakes and decides all that has changed, she wants a baby.

The shitfuckery to conceive later in life though?
It was freaking painful to watch, I was rap relieved when we finally saw that positive test.
My advice. Don’t think about it. Stop using contraception and let life decide for you or youll take all the fun out of it putting pressure on.
 
Yeah i dnt agree with not wearing contraception if you dont want children at the time.

Peoples lives/situations change. I commed some people who hold off having children till their ready.

After all we were just children once anyways. Everyone needs to mature. And that doeant just mean going through puberty and being 18. Everyones situations differ..
 
birdup.snaildown said:
@Meth novice 79

There's definitely a lot of women that change their minds around the age of 40, but I disagree about throwing out methods of conception and letting "life decide".

Surely there's a middle ground?
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You’re probably right, I’m still just traumatized from 4 years of agonising waiting, she fell pregnant only 11 weeks ago and we’ve now gone from ‘WE WILL NEVER CONCEIVE’ to ‘ITS GOING TO DIE IN UTERO’

Planning this shit is legit fucked up lol
 
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