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How do we prevent our kids becoming addicts?

J

justme6263

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Joined
Nov 5, 2012
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197
I am really wondering how people think we do this? I am an addict, my Dad is an addict, my Mom's Dad was an addict, my Dad's Dad was an addict, Mom and Dad;s aunts uncles and sisters and brothers addicts, my brothers an addict and my cousins addicts....

How do I stop the kids I have in my life going down this road? I can't be authoritarian because that will send them the other way but I worry about this no end.


PS I am not speaking about my own children, I don't have any, but my Niece and Nephew.
 
my approach is radical honesty. I tell younger folks specifically and realistically what is the most damaging, why it is fun, why that fun is short lived, what it does to your brain, how downregulation works, how if you enjoy something, doing it repeatedly ensures you no longer can, i show them my arms and my ruined veins, i talk about the dead friends and psychological damage. I just give a really real, full picture and let people know: IV drugs, serious ethanol abuse, serious stimulant abuse and opioid addiction are all roads you can't undo. while there may be benefits, the price is heavy. I can't change what someone is going to do, but I can make them more aware of the bargains they are about to enter and the risks they run. I have seen this approach actually deter some younger folks from behavior, and at least seen people come around more quickly because they can name/identify the mental changes that are happening.
if you know beforehand that repeated ope usage downregulates receptors, and makes the world seem "shitty" without opioids, leading to more opioid abuse you at least have an awareness of the cycle. I think that's a potent tool. other than that - give them a good environment, support and honesty.
ime people make better choices when they have more support and good role models.
 
I think that minimizing the trauma in their lives and instead ensuring that they have a nurturing and supportive environment throughout the entirety of their childhood is crucial.
If kids have people around them who show them that they are loved, encourage and support them, and help them discover interesting passions, they are less likely to use drugs and DRASTICALLY less likely to abuse and/or get addicted to drugs or alcohol.
It doesn't take much time hanging around any harm reduction or addiction support community to see that most addiction and substance abuse stems from trauma and/or shitty childhoods.
Depending on the study, in clinical populations with opioid addiction about 40-50% of them have or have had PTSD. The majority has often experienced some form of childhood abuse/maltreatment.

For my personal story:
I grew up with parents who heavily abused me physically and emotionally (and in other ways to a less frequent extent), spent more time screaming at me or hitting me than saying that they loved me or were proud of me, etc.
While I'm not and never have been a drug addict, I have struggled with heavy video game addiction and some other behavioural addictions.
I still struggle with social media/Internet addiction (though it has been improving significantly since I uninstalled most social media from my phone a few months ago), as well as severe CPTSD and a cocktail of other mental illnesses that is often debilitating at times.
I feel like I'm squandering a lot of the potential that I had at times, solely because the people who were supposed to love, care for, and encourage me instead heavily abused me and made me feel completely worthless, useless, and generally awful about myself.
I live my life walking on eggshells at times and I constantly feel exhausted and overwhelmed by trauma responses.

Why am I not addicted to drugs?
Probably due to sheer stubbornness and knowing so many current/former addicts.
I've watched people I grew up with destroy their lives with drug addiction, and I know some incredible people like @cdin who have somehow gotten out of some very deep holes through overcoming immense trauma and the tons of awful shit that happened in their lives.
I honestly feel like behavioural addictions can be worse, at least in the medium and short term, since with some light drug addictions you can still function and go to work and get things done while on drugs if you have enough self-control.
But after seeing what I've seen, I will NEVER let myself get addicted to drugs or even touch hard drugs.
 
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Give them factual information about drugs and their possible harms. Scare tactics generally don't work, especially once they've smoked their first joint and notice it doesn't turn them into a drug-crazed maniac. Also warn them about using substances to cope with unpleasant feelings or situations, or thinking you 'have' to have say, alcohol or ecstasy at every get-together because 'otherwise it's just not fun' , because this reliance is where the danger of addiction lies.

Whatever you do don't tell them they've got 'the addiction gene' (there's no such thing) . Just because a load of your relatives are addicts this doesn't mean you're somehow pre-destined to developing the same problems. Same goes for saying one single hit of such-and-such will inevitably 'make' you an addict. I'm saying this because a huge part of why I myself became an addict was my unquestioning belief that I WOULD BE one and I just resigned myself to that 'fate' ; it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
A lot of the time it's trauma. Gabor Mate talks a lot about this and I think his work is really good. He has a video you can hire to watch by donation, which is literally any amount you want or can donate (no one will be turned away by lack of funds so 1c is enough) and it goes over a lot of the overlap.

I experienced long term CSA from my father which only ended as an adult, and a childhood of emotional abuse and neglect, some actual neglect, and long time threat of physical violence. I started drinking at 12 or so and everything else came afterwards naturally unfortunately.

I am extremely psychologically addicted to opiates due to having pain caused by trauma in my body, like immense physical pain. The other drugs are used as a form of avoidance, or self punishment.

ACE scores show that the rate of substance use disorders, and especially injection drug use multiply thousands of times if your ACE score is too high.

So for me, addressing trauma, and reducing ACE scores is a big part of fixing the issue of addiction.
 
Speaking from the perspective of someone that started doing drugs regularly before I was 8, you can't. Logic won't help. Telling them the consequences won't help. People do what they want to always. And even if you try to keep them from it eventually they'll be an adult and come across being not sober one way or another. You can try radical honesty and realness, we can hope for the best but at the end of the day having the kind of relationship with your kids where they can come to you when they fucked up is more realistic than keeping someone from being an addict.
 
CFC said:
I couldn't agree more. I've been reading a book recently called The Trauma of Everyday Life (by Mark Epstein). Does a good job of expanding on the point, well worth a read.
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I actually lent my GP (who has helped my addiction more so than anyone else in my life, he absolutely kept me alive these years and I'm the only patient he prescribes ORT to as he doesn't want to become known for doing it, breaks all the rules for me, and suspected my CSA history etc before I told him, just said he didn't want to bring it up in case it set me off. And when I asked him how long he knew, well I thought I was subtle and no I was not. 'Usually when people are that messed up it's something big and it's usually family right?' Right) 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel Van Der Kolk.

I brought it with me and sort of was like 'hey uh I have a book if you want you can borrow it to read I just thought (cause he had helped me through a bunch of fucked shit the last couple months) it would help you understand more but if not that's okay I just figured like -'

And he interrupted me and asked me to take the book out and when I said what it was he was like 'Oh, cool I've wanted to read this book for ages! Thanks Eli.'

Like no lie, I have never met a GP who has that much interest in learning more about addiction and trauma and how to improve his own skills as he says he has more patients coming in who clearly have trauma histories and he wants to learn how to be a good GP for them.

I mean Ive only ever had others who made me feel like shit for self harming and crap versus him being reassuring and kind all the time but you get my point.

Having people who don't judge me for what I do - drugs, cutting, burning etc mean that when it happens, I don't spiral into shame and misery and do it over and over again.

And while for me the obvious starting point is trauma, it's undeniable for me, that isn't the case for everyone. But Can Der Kolk, and Gabor Mate are both men with trauma backgrounds, who have become world renowned trauma researchers and use their lived experience in practice. I think the world could learn a lot from them both.

I might check out that book you mentioned and see if it's on Audible.

I know something I didn't consider for a long time was how much being trans (as in suffering discrimination, physical and sexual assault etc) contributed to my cPTSD over time and I just tried to bury that. I'm only now looking at the ways in which I have suffered over time and how much that has affected me.

Minority stress is a very real thing, as anyone who fits into a minority group will know.
 
You rear them when it's necessary. Say your child is burning plastic from the liter that's yours. You whip them and I fuckin guarantee they won't do it again. Then you hug and hold them. Gently tell them why that hurt you more then them. Tell them they will grow up to be someone great. Be there at all times. Trust you'll know when a drug is being used. Tell them horror stories but not to the point they are traumatized.


I have three kids. 1 baby boy and two others I love just as much as Johnathan. Me and my ex broke up. I look back and see all the mistakes. I have dreams that I'm with them only to wake up and I'm sick to my stomach. It was doomed before it started. I'll tell anyone that if you're internet dating be careful. Not saying my ex was bad. There was just thing I didnt expect.


I told her if we break up I'm done with relationships. Because I told myself I have to focus all my time to ppls souls. Even the worst person needs love.

When you can forgive the man that molested you 3 yr old. That's when you achieved what Christ was talking about love. Love your enemies. Pray for them that they wake up.

I'm not saying those things should be overlooked. That's why we have judges who let the hammer down hard on them. If you harbor hate a lot of times it causes cancer. I've noticed it so much. There is always something similar w all of them. There was hatred there. Love your children. I haven't seen my baby boy since last year. A dealer was trying to set me up to get shot. He caught wind that I told my therapist that I did coke. I said no names but the fuckin hippie doc fucking ran her mouth. I will take her license. Fuck it I'll let God do what He does best. Vindicate me in a way either they end up dead or openly humiliated. The dealer who sold me coke died two weeks ago today. No One threatens God's child. Every person who has threatened me has ended up dead.



Anyways I'm sorry 4 going off a rabbit track. Just love them. Tell them as often as possible because tomorrow is never promised.
 
sonicwhite said:
You whip them and I fuckin guarantee they won't do it again.
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I really hope that you are joking.
It doesn't take looking at the decades of research there are (which say the same thing and worse) to know that physical discipline is profoundly damaging to children and a horrible idea.
Why not just have a rational conversation with your children about why they shouldn't do that, instead of treating them like idiots and beating them when you would get thrown in jail for doing the same thing to an adult?
 
Fuck that. You want them to burn the whole God blessed apartment. No. This is why children rule their parents. Read the Scriptures it's all there because of this. I've only whip my son once cuz he kept doing it. I will not live with him on my conscience that I could of saved his life. Go ahead and believe that bullshit. This is why this world is on tbe verge of collapse.

What's sad is most here don't even see it.
 
sonicwhite said:
Fuck that. You want them to burn the whole God blessed apartment. No. This is why children rule their parents. Read the Scriptures it's all there because of this. I've only whip my son once cuz he kept doing it. I will not live with him on my conscience that I could of saved his life. Go ahead and believe that bullshit. This is why this world is on tbe verge of collapse.

What's sad is most here don't even see it.
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You didn't address any of my points.
 
Looking back I'm so thankful my dad beat my ass when needed. So I wouldn't do stupid shit and die.
 
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sonicwhite said:
Fuck that. You want them to burn the whole God blessed apartment. No. This is why children rule their parents. Read the Scriptures it's all there because of this. I've only whip my son once cuz he kept doing it. I will not live with him on my conscience that I could of saved his life. Go ahead and believe that bullshit. This is why this world is on tbe verge of collapse.

What's sad is most here don't even see it.
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Be careful talking about "scriptures" in the same breath as calling other concepts "bullshit."
 
Pharisaical Christians are those who are rebuked. I love God more then my life itself. Just because I don't agree you call me a hypocrite. Wait for the Judgement we will see everything you have ever done in secret. Judgemental much
 
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