How can I help my boyfriend quit/drink less alcohol? Does he even have a problem?

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Like others have mentioned, he is an alcoholic and he has a problem.

You can't make him quit. If you try to, he's just going to resent you for it in the long run, which is evident when he claims you made him quit smoking.

He says it is because of work and stress, yet you reply saying that you're stressed from work too and know what it's like to "have a tough job". Try not to approach it like that, because it is almost as if you're minimizing his issues by bringing in yours. What you can do as a girlfriend is be supportive, listen to him, and encourage him. Listen objectively, without judgement, and without complaining about your job too. This is about him and the relationship now, not you and your job.

You mention that he can be violent - this may not have to be said, but if he gets violent toward you, or if you feel threatened in ANY way- then it's time to leave and not look back.

Best of luck to you.

I don't compare our jobs. I always listen to him for HOURS (5am-8am) after just waking up listening to all his problems. His boss is an asshole; well, talk to another boss about it. Customer complained; redirect it to your boss. Stuff like that, he said it annoys him when I give him solutions and whatnot but I'm just trying to make his job easier since it's the same problems every night. And don't worry, I have been nothing but supportive (got him promoted, a raise, parking!) + redid their entire menu (for free).

Hey, when I was a bartender at school and uni, for about 6 years, I'd drink at work - at least 10 - 20 units a night. I think it was a combination of my addictive tendencies and the fact that I basically hated the job. I also LOVED the fact I could get pissed as a fart without anyone else noticing. It was a big game. Hell, I'd pour and down drinks while talking to the owners of the place, making like it was lemonade or ribena.
Working in a bar is very stressful, but it's also a piece of piss. I know I was always stressed and BORED at the same time. Booze was the obvious and very convenient answer every night.
I'd be hesitant before calling him a full blown alcoholic before taking this stuff into consideration. Does he drink on his own, at home? Does he lie to you about it? Obviously he drinks very heavily, but maybe what he needs more than anything is a change of scene job-wise...?
Best, Buffalo

He only drinks at home when he's off and usually if I want to drink. I used to but not anymore since I feel like he's drinking waay too much. AND he only drinks at night. We don't even carry beer in the house. He never lies to me about his consumption. It's hard because he's been in the bar scene for over a decade and it's his LIFE. Like, that's his career--he loves being a bartender.