I get told often about how people have perceived me before they get to know me indepth, and I often get comments and questions from people that makes me wonder about how they perceive me.
Most people view me as this outgoing, indpenedent, confident, happy party animal without a care in the world. And when they get to know me, they realise, that although that is a part of my personality and who I am, there are frigtened insecure sad parts as well. I'm just good at saying to myself "ok, its saturday night, theres no point worrying about what happened at work last week with that client, because theres nothing you can do now, let it go and go out and have fun", and I do. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm the kind of person who tries not to let my insecurities, and worries take over my whole life.
I quite often find conversations about me occur when I have a sad moment. Having had a lot of things bother me recently, then a conversation with someone Sat night that brought up shit I didn't want to think about, that all made me upset, and a couple of friends were freaked out and didn't know what to do- having never seen me upset. They always say "I don't know what to do, I've always seen you as this happy outgoing vibrant person, so its really weird seeing you so upset, I don't know what I'm supposed to do" It does make them uncomfortable actually.
I then got that night when I was out, when I ran into a mate I only ever see at the club and at some mutual friends parties, and we were talking about family, and he was like "wow, you get on with your family then? I had this perception because of how independent and outgoing and confident you are you mustn't have family in your life and have had to cope on your own for a long time, like you don't need anybody." The truth is, heck I DO need people.
And recently I had a down on myself moment about how I look to a guy I had been seeing on and off, and was like "what? this is not you. The girl I like is confident and is happy and secure in who she is and thats what I find attractive, where'd this negativity come from?"
People just can't seem to cope when I'm down because they just aren't used to it!
In having said all this, I am much different to what I was many years ago, and this was the person I wanted to try and be many years ago. So I've kinda become that person, and while I do sorta perceive myself as being similar to how others perceive me, they just miss the other element to my personality. Which is kinda what I like though... I won't let you see me upset unless I feel I can trust you, i'd rather you thought of me as that party girl all the time.
![[S]alvatore](/community/data/avatars/m/56/56829.jpg?1554214538){kind=avatar}
