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Welcome How Are You in One Word vs wait! Just one?!

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^ ditto. (Well at least about the sleep)
I'm sorry you are having troubles sleeping. I hope that you are sleeping now. Or at least able to get some sort of rest. <3

Hopeless
 
Thanks a lot, I did get 6 hours of sleep but I'm still tired and sick of learning all day every day, but there's no way around and whining about it won't help

Why are you hopeless? :/
 
It doesn't necessarily help but sometimes I feel like it needs to be done.

Sigh... I'm just having a really hard time these last few days. I feel like I don't know why I am even bothering with this recovery shit. I'm just hurting so bad mentally and emotionally. My dad said a lot of fucked up things to me tonight. Pretty much that I'm a worthless deadbeat junkie that caused my mothers death because I was using while I was living with her and that caused her so much stress that her heart couldn't take it anymore. And stuff like it's been 4 months already you need to just get over it and that me coming home to finding her isn't a legit traumatic experience and that I need to take all my self pity problems to someone that actually cares. Oh and that my mom is spitting daggers at me right now.
Fuck it just hurts soo bad. I've been just crying sooo much for like 6 hours now. I just don't want to feel this pain anymore. My heart literally hurts physically. It seriously feels broken.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
 
Jg

It sounds like your dad is angry too at the loss and just hitting out at who is near.When i was going through a loss i tended to push my wife and kids away and said a lot of things i didnt mean.Have you no one else that is close like a sister or brother or aunt or some relative or friend to open up to. You will get through this but may need a little help please dont be afraid to ask someone please. <3
 
I understand that he is grieving too but fuck that was my mom. He only knew her and me for like 15 years (he's not my biological father, he's like an ex-step dad they were only together for a year and a half but he kinda stayed in my life) Which I mean I'm not trying to say he's wrong for grieving or anything or that I should be treated special because I knew her longer. But it's like dude I came out of her, she was seriously my best friend and all I ever really had my whole life. Even he was there for me sure, but he was only there when good stuff was going on. He always kinda disappeared when shit got tough. I have 2 brothers whom I don't talk with. And a sister I talk to her like maybe once a week at most more like once every 2 weeks. She resents me for a lot of things that were not my fault during our childhood and plus she's got 2 kids and a boyfriend and works, she's got a lot of shit going on.. I feel like my problems are the last thing she cares about. I have friends sure and I do trust a few to open up and be vulnerable in front of them but at the same time it's just none of them know where I'm coming from or what to say or how to act towards me and I always feel so awkward. Idk zomby shit is just really sucky right now. And regardless of how he's feeling I don't understand or see how he can be SO hurtful. I mean yeah there is pushing people away but then there is like doing what he is doing.. Poking at me every single day saying hurtful things but tonight was just too much he took that shit way too far.
Sorry. I'm not trying to just unload everything on you guys I'm just so hurt right now.

Okay back on topic for this thread.

devastated
 
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I am sad to hear that but you do know you can pm me any time if you feel the need to get some stuff off your mind and i will try if i can and you know there are others like erikmen feel the same way about you as i do. Please dont do anything rash and first come on here if you feel you are wavering<3
 
Thank you I really appreciate that. :) I'm slowly but surely feeling a little better. Not so much about him or my mom.. But I just paid attention to the date today and I realized that I only have 3 days til my 60 days :) and my little recovery light turned back on..oh yeah I like being clean..duhhhh
<3

Appreciative
Thank you zomby, like for reals
<3
 
@ JG
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, I can't even imagine what it feels like. Often the greatest of us suffer the most, but eventually it will pay out. From what I've read, you seem to be a really kind and intelligent person. Stay strong, I hope you're doing better today.

Back to the topic : sick -.-
 
I'm better in the sense that I'm not sitting here uncontrollably crying or having cravings or intense flashbacks but I have just been totally emotionally and mentally turned off. I'm just avoiding thinking about things and numb. And I feel like that's not the best thing to do but at this moment I just feel like if I think of these things I'm going to break mentally and it's just going to be a lot worse. Idk I'm calling some therapists tomorrow and making some appointments. I just don't know what else to do anymore.
Thanks for your kind words tho I really appreciate that.

I'm sorry you're sick. I hope that you start feeling better!
 
^Making appointments is a good idea, it always helped me to talk to my therapist.
What about going for a walk to just sort out your mind, or better running. I always went for a run, because you can achieve this meditative state of mind whilst running, where nothing else matters and in addition you get your endorphins going.
Or try to read an enthralling book :)
Think about the cravings as a reminder that you are still clean. You can be really proud of yourself, as I don't think there are a lot of people out there that would stay clean if they would have to go through what you are going through.
Whish you all the best :)
Thanks :D
 
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