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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

How are you in One Word? ver. Smiling: the universal language

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Addy you ain't fat you are volup!

I feel ok although I'd like to go back to sleep. I'm so not a morning person.
 
Hungry - I had been hungry every time now I think it's the workouts lol
 
^What is a hibachi? We used to call those little table grills hibachis--is it a Japanese restaurant that grills on small grills? Whatever it is, it sounds good.:)

me: almost-late
 
Tired. Got up at 6:30 yesterday, couldn't fall asleep till 1-2am. Woke up at 6:30 again today.

But Stoked for myself, for what I'm doing.
 
neversickanymore said:
^I was so grumpy I'm not sure I even woke up in bed.. maybe not even in the house.. maybe not even on earth 8(
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Aw poor baby hihi

caseface99 said:
Tired. Got up at 6:30 yesterday, couldn't fall asleep till 1-2am. Woke up at 6:30 again today.

But Stoked for myself, for what I'm doing.
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I napped last night when i got home from watching the horror movie then woke up and didn't fall asleep til around 2 as well. Ugh! If there is a shift of 10am to 6pm here at my work place I will absolutely grab it!!!
 
ad lib said:
Blah.

I "feel" so fat today and like no one will ever like me because of it. I know fat is not a feeling. I hate having an eating disorder, I really do. It fucks with my head so bad.
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I've had one now too, for far too long :/ I think people just dont understand or care that it has VERY little to do with body image alone. That is just the manifestation of something deeper.

I've been trying to get that through to people that I'v explained it to but most don't seem to understand, or comprehend how abstract it is. I, personally find it very depressing.

It's like someone saying to a drug addict ''well why don't you just stop, replace your cravings with chocolate or something'. It's like telling a depressive to 'cheer up'. Telling someone with anxiety ''that there is nothing to be afraid of''.

All it does is put a stop to that person saying anything more. It leaves the feelings buried and undervalued and invalidated...and so it continues, the pantomime where your feelings are only validated by others telling you 'you look fine, you're sexually attractive, you're worthy!'
It doesn't change anything below the surface. It's all temporary flattering.


When people tell me 'You're not fat' all it does it narrow a string of identity and insecurity issues down to 'tell her she's pretty and it'll make everything better.
I know many 'mean well' well but honestly, it's very patronising. It's like people just don't care and think it's some 'silly' women s insecurity issue about their looks' - well it's not, it's actually a whole plethora of cultural and psycho-social toxicity that is almost turned into a conversion disorder and played out like some superficial cheerleader's 'problem'. Some girls (guys) do just display the outward signs of it, its short-lived and they move on.

For others of us, it is a way of feeling alive, like you have some control over a meaningless, pointless life. It works like medication,it is a spiritual discipline, an emotional release, a sexual thrill, an obsession and compulsion, a deep and raw relationship - better than any human one...but it is soul destroying. It is the manifestation of the feelings that you can and have never understood or shared, being detached from your body is the only way to deal with them, being detached from your feelings; from never feeling whole or like you belong to yourself.

Am not trying to offend anyone but just stating personal facts.

I 'feel' fat because it's the only tangible way of experiencing a sense of being out of control, worthless, a nobody. Someone who is unsure of themselves, people and the world and is scared of their own mind to the point where they are scared of living.

It is far more tangible and socially acceptable to feel 'fat', to feel 'ugly'...it is even more acceptable for a female, as it is more socially and sexually acceptable than saying ' I feel fucking nuts', I feel nobody understands me, I feel rage and sadness and that I'm just prey to the world, or, that it is prey for me. I have nothing solid to hold on to.


Of course everyone's experience is different and I can only speak for myself.
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Atm I feel fucking awful.
 
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Asclepius said:
I've had one now too, for far too long :/ I think people just dont understand or care that it has VERY little to do with body image alone. That is just the manifestation of something deeper.

I've been trying to get that through to people that I'v explained it to but most don't seem to understand, or comprehend how abstract it is. I, personally find it very depressing.

It's like someone saying to a drug addict ''well why don't you just stop, replace your cravings with chocolate or something'. It's like telling a depressive to 'cheer up'. Telling someone with anxiety ''that there is nothing to be afraid of''.

All it does is put a stop to that person saying anything more. It leaves the feelings buried and undervalued and unvalidated...and so it continures, the pantomime where your feelings are only validated by others telling you 'you look fine, your sexuallly attractive, your worthy!'
It doesnt change anything below the surface. It's all temporary flattering.


When people tell me 'You're not fat' all it does it narrow a string of identity and insecurity issues down to 'tell her she's pretty and it'll make everything better.

Am not trying to offend anyone but just stating facts.

I 'feel' fat because it's the only tangible way of experiencing a sense of being out of control, worthless, a nobody. Someone who is unsure of themselves and the world and is scared of their own mind to the point where they are scared of living.

IT is far more tangible and socially acceptable to feel 'fat', to feel 'ugly'...it is even more acceptable for a female, as it is more socially and sexually acceptable than saying ' I feel fucking nuts', I feel nobody understands me, I feel rage and sadness and that im just prey to the world or that it is prey for me. I have nothing solid to hold on to.


Of course everyone's experience is different and I can only speak for myself.
_________________________________________________________

Atm I feel fucking awful.
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You described me perfectly, A. We're very similar in that aspect. ((Hugs))
 
completely stiff and aching all over


if i dont start exercising or moving about more soon im gonna end up a cripple
 
herbavore said:
^What is a hibachi? We used to call those little table grills hibachis--is it a Japanese restaurant that grills on small grills? Whatever it is, it sounds good.:)

me: almost-late
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Yep, that's about accurate. Nothing super fancy, pick out the raw food you want and the type of sauce desired. Then the gentleman cooks it for you. Damn good food, and my grandparents were able to come along too. Was a very nice lunch. They aren't getting any younger, and with me being away at school in a couple days I'm happy to spend the time now. <3
 
Tired. Got sick last night, feel asleep later then I would have liked. Was having a series of dreams about things I would really rather not dream about and woke up probably 5 times between 3am and when i got up at 630.
 
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