I know this feeling. That aching loneliness sucks, especially when there's someone you love, and you can't be with them. Some days I can't stop kicking myself for messing things up. But I just have to keep telling myself I will meet someone again and fall in love and it will be better than ever because I'll actually be more present. I wish that day was today though.
Today I feel hopeful
Ya, back in my years addicted to alcohol and abusing raver drugs, I had several of those relationships where you're not really all that attentive to what is going on (and yet all of your worst emotions are always there). I'd oscillate between not really realizing there was actually another person there and being too freaked out by the fact that there was another person there to relax. I never had any fun. Then after opiates came around, the relationships really got ugly.
The person I tried to contact yesterday is a girl I dated during a break from grad school when I was clean and sober for a bit. And it was amazing while it lasted, and has been my source of hope that I could one day do it again. I think I am hung up on her because she reminds me of a better version of myself.
The way to look at it, at least I think, is to understand that we cannot truly see the lightness in life until we have been through years of hell. A lot of the addictions, collateral damage and self-reflection puts a lot of the petty issues that come up in relationships into perspective and the people can let go of it and have more fun.
come back to stl and we can kick it bro. lemme know next time you're in town. you got my number, you can text or call just to shoot the shit man. you might be lonely but youre never alone my friend.
I'm fucking HORNY
craving sex so badly. I might see if the (ex) girl will be down for something tomorrow. waiting game is a bitch, as we both love eachother but are working on ourselves for a bit.
Definitely, though who knows when that will be. Wish we could have hung out last time, but it was good for your recovery that we didn't
We will do it right sometime when my head is on right. I saw all of the worst parts of St. l, so you gotta show me what's good!
SUPER
Would have been 'horny', but my wife has been a trooper. And is it normal to be like crazy horny after the first week of sobriety?
I was never like this when I stopped drinking back in 2005 (several relapses since then, but wasn't on dope en either).
Oh ya, totally normal (and if anything is working *weird* right now, your body will sort itself out in a month or so). It usually takes me three months to get my sex drive back, so you are recovering rather quick! Now go treat that wife well for all of the missed time
I am RELAXED.
Spending the day at the botanical gardens, listening to some music and reading a book. I am trying to have a "sober hedonism" weekend, writing the definition of that as I go along. And then get my act into gear Monday.
