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How are you in one word v. Pedalling through the dark currents

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hang in posa :/ airlines suck.

took tris to a dog park where he was determined to make pugbulls or pigs, the pitt wasn't quite having it - relaxin take this moment of clarity and run with it , , won't last long lol.
 
theartofwar said:
D's how's the funeral prospect w/a ride ? Anything working out bro ?
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I couldn't get a ride. sucks man, but I know Megan was a very forgiving person. When I get to my step 9, I plan to visit her grave, and say a few things.

which by then I'll feel like I'm going for the right reasons.. Her dad and I did not get a long when we were dating.. mostly b/c she was 4 years younger then me.. and most dads don't like 18 year olds dating their 14 yearold daughter..

I'm feeling a little weird..
Megan(RIP) and I had sex like 3 weeks before she passed away, and now I'm feeling strange. not like a awful feeling, but something diffrent..

I just don't "fuck" if you kno wat i mean. I "make love", We had a nice date. and spent almost all night making love, I had to leave and get back here in the halfway house. I had a feeling that something was going on.

I dunno.. maybe it's just the "grieving"(sp) process?
 
falling apart

i keep trying to reach out to others while i'm still stable and holding it together... all i need to help keep me together is to have a single friend to talk to, one person who cares enough to respond, one person to help distract me by talking about anything except whats troubling me, but the more i try reaching out to maintain stability, the more i get ignored and rejected, which just breaks me. i really need to just stop trying to hold myself together, since every time i try, i just end up worse off since i'm unable to get something that should be the easiest thing in the world to get - a response.


addition: ashamed at acting like retard because of being all geeked out. i apologize for all that, i'm really sorry.
 
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^^^ no apologies... That is what we are here for. Hug!

my words are pissed off fucking woke up at 2:30 am and have to work until 5pm. not happy.
 
tathra said:
falling apart

i keep trying to reach out to others while i'm still stable and holding it together... all i need to help keep me together is to have a single friend to talk to, one person who cares enough to respond, one person to help distract me by talking about anything except whats troubling me, but the more i try reaching out to maintain stability, the more i get ignored and rejected, which just breaks me. i really need to just stop trying to hold myself together, since every time i try, i just end up worse off since i'm unable to get something that should be the easiest thing in the world to get - a response.


addition: ashamed at acting like retard because of being all geeked out. i apologize for all that, i'm really sorry.
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Stop and reflect on the fact that you were able to publicly vent some very inner personal struggles and issues to a plethora of people of whom you have no idea which will respond to you and if your confessional style post will warrant positive and/or negative feedback... My response is to hold on in life, because when your life seems to be shattered and wrecked, you alone to face an uncaring world, stripped of seemingly everyone and everything that you cherished, stop for a moment collect yourself and remember that relationships Hell entire lives and families are torn apart and destroyed... It's up to you to keep your head up long enough to see beauty in the world again... Learn from the good times and bad and apply it from here on out, remember life gets bleak but perseverance pays off because you come out stronger and ready for a new start at it all again... Just remember that you can rise out of this stronger if you try to find a positive or lesson from the bad... When relationships or families fail just bear in mind that it may seemingly be thee nd of the world to you at the time but EVERY failure brings you one step closer to success whether it be a job, friends, lover, etc etc and EVERY failure leaves you with a lesson to learn and grow from... I hope you get a response, I hope you can see people who don't even know you care... Friends and lovers come and go, you are a result of your life experiences and I see a person who cares, don't lose that... I can only hope that if I've helped you in some small way today that you will spread compassion to the next person you run across in need... Message me if you ever find yourself in need of a person who will listen who doesn't judge and will try to help. It's your life hun :) live it
 
paranoid android said:
Sore neck :(
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I hear you.. My neck is stiff like a ministers dick. lol


I'm aggravated.. I got my foodstamp $ in today, and no one wants to give me a ride to the store.
really piss's me off because I have helped a lot of them, weather its talking, bumming them cigarettes, hanging out with them. etc..

Now this is how they re-pay me?
fucking wallmart is less then a mile down the street, and I have a small grocery list.

I have zero food, and a bad attitude atm..

fuckers
 
I'm feeling Racked like the old torture technique.

I feel like I am being pulled in a bunch of directions, my ex want my attention, finding a home for rescue kitty, focusing on school, being responsible with my time, having a good time. I cannot keep up with alot of people, I cant be social all the time. I need time to center regularly.

The ex is going out of town, taking the train tonight. I have tomorrow off. I was supposed to have tonight off, but my friend needs me to watch the theatre after the last set. So I go in after dropping off the ex, around 10:30, and chill to 12.

<sorry hun this last part is a bit triggering - n3o>
 
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I don't even know the words. 3am this morning a friend calls me and talks about hurting himself or other people. So after bugging the fuck out I finally called the cops and fuck idk what is going on... Like this friend is normally crazier than most but last night he was fucking captain insane. I don't know what happened cuz its outa state but the cops haven't called me back yet so I'm hoping my buddy just blacked out, didn't hurt a soul and was just being an ass. Fucking worried.
 
^update: apparently dude came into work and is ok. Fucking bizarre call he was talking like about hitting someone in the neck with a sword (he owns swords) and saying he didn't 2 sentences later and then would say 'but seriously' and sounded mad fucking insanity.

Well I'm relived except for the BS for calling the cops on an old friend. Its one of those weird moments where I know I did the right thing but still feel like shit. End rant
Relieved for now.
 
Free

Just got let out of the locked ward after a manic episode and a razor through my wrists after running from the other ward. Feeling a lot better at the moment. Hope it lasts.
 
It's Friday!

We so excited!

Also feeling confused...do I kick it in the front seat or sit in the back seat? Gotta make my mind up, which seat can I take?
 
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