disgust-towards like my super close friends family. Basically, my friend, I've known her ~3~ years or so? So for a variety of reasons, her parents [who she needs to pay her tuition] decided they are unwilling to do so unless she stops seeing me...actually, suppose to have zero contact with me period This makes little sense. Essentially, the two fuzzy reasons I got are a) because I am a substance user... like, as a status in it self- not because I am reckless for that fact, not for the fact I provide her with them, only for the fact into itself. This confuses me. b) because of my career, I am deemed "violent" or "dangerous"... I think they fail to grasp what exactly the difference between myself, and say, a random murderer is. In both cases I really fail to grasp how the contact alone is harmful. Last I checked, I am unable to provide anyone with any substance, nor to physically harm them via email.
Also; very very sad as a result. Of course, being adults and all, we will generally blow it off, but it still sad I can't "openly" be my friends friend, I must be in the closet, as it where.
Finally ashamed for finding myself wishing some sort of cruel, long term illness upon these people. I am not proud of feeling like that, but I do.
She's probably not going to like the new me.
. I feels special.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
For being in such a bad place, emotion wise, I feel like Ive kept myself together okay but now is when the loneliness starts setting in...
