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How are you in one word? v. flying purple elephants

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^ that sucks, but huuuuuge props to you for focusing on your recovery and knowing that you need to stay out of situations in which you might be tempted to get high. you're doing the right thing. <3

my word is meh. i'm not really looking forward to the needlessly long work day that awaits me today.
 
Restless.

I am still trying to find the right balance in my life to make my happiest. Like Honestly happy. Many times it seems like i address one issue, and another comes into light. I now its not that these issues are randomly popping up, its just that they get over-shadowed by bigger issues. The fact that they come to light at all is a good thing because it means the other problems are being addressed.

But I'm starting to truly realize I will never be the person I was before MDPV took over my life, which doesn't mean I wont be successful. But my confidence is still not all there either...mental struggles argggggggg
 
Inspired/motivated. Yet irritable and annoyed. I'm immersed in documentaries and reading but people in the house walking around, making noises, constantly coming into the room, etc. is driving my crazy and breaking my concentration. I keep having to stop what I'm doing. I REALLY need to get my own place.
 
Unsure

'The good thing about getting clean is that you get your feelings back, the bad thing about getting clean is that you get your feelings back.'
 
nekointheclouds said:
But I'm starting to truly realize I will never be the person I was before MDPV took over my life, which doesn't mean I wont be successful. But my confidence is still not all there either...mental struggles argggggggg
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When was the last time you used MDPV?

It stole my confidence, too! I have not used it in 11 months. I started to gain some confidence after making some progress in processing emotions. So that was about 4 or 5 months of abstinence.

I have not read into others' MDPV experiences much, but the things you listed (lack of confidence, unsure of success, dissonance that comes with these things) speak clearly to me. Weird. What a weird drug.

Included
After being disconnected from my family and educated people for a few years, I am finally "included" in the conversation again. My uncle has added me as a beneficiary on an IRA, I am getting the family emails again, and sober adventures lead way to meeting potential mates/enjoyable evening. Oh the rewards!
 
nekointheclouds said:
Restless.

I am still trying to find the right balance in my life to make my happiest. Like Honestly happy. Many times it seems like i address one issue, and another comes into light. I now its not that these issues are randomly popping up, its just that they get over-shadowed by bigger issues. The fact that they come to light at all is a good thing because it means the other problems are being addressed.

But I'm starting to truly realize I will never be the person I was before MDPV took over my life, which doesn't mean I wont be successful. But my confidence is still not all there either...mental struggles argggggggg
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Neko, if you ever want to talk you know where to find me. Youve made so much improvement in your life since then and I (along with the whole TC fam) am so proud of you <3



Currently: Tired
Deeper down: Excited for another wonderful night :)
 
Free

Free from drugs and alcohol and i feel better than i have in ten years. Uhh it feels so good to be normal. I thought this day would never come.... I thought i would be tired and grumpy with out ddrugs forever but low and behold a few months clean just a couple of slips and its like magic (more like hard work) and im back to normal! :)
 
@ Neko--you continue to gather your forces and move in the right direction--you will get past the intensity of the struggles. You are blessed to have art in your life as an outlet. You have all my admiration and best wishes. (and the same goes out to you, Mami!)

@ Kayla--I am so happy for you! ((((<3)))). It has been an intense struggle and you have shown so much stamina and strength. You should be so proud of yourself!:)

atm: feeling very sad about my son, but like I just wrote to someone, I also feel honored by the depth of feeling I have for him. Have taken the whole week off work this week simply because the first day I was supposed to return I started crying and couldn't stop. I am so grateful for a supportive employer!
 
Thank you Herb <3 im really trying to keep it up and it seems to be physically better and i feel great but mentally i still feel exactly the same i want to be high. I know it is not an option though so i have to say no to drugs:)

Im sorry your sad! Hugs <3 i hope your sadness subsides asap
 
^ that's an awesome kind of tired! Where did you go?

ATM: Sore. Had a bit of work done yesterday, needed to have drains put in, and had to have them flushed today. Everything is working well, but it feels odd having tubing going into my body.
 
<3<3 I admire you so much for your strength Herb. I love you so much and am here for you whenever you need me. I feel so honored to have been given the opportunity to know you as my friend. I thank Caleb so much for that. He started it all and without him I wouldn't have someone like you in my life.

Today I am feeling optimistic.
 
motherofearth said:
Heartbroken

I decided to give my brother my Coachella pass so I could stay in and focus on getting clean. Really, if my treatment program had not prescribed me suboxone I'm sure I would get high all weekend. That means I don't have my typical escape from dejection, so I'll have to sort it out sans drugs - this is going to be a rough weekend. I don't care if this appears to be the first world problem of all problems - all I know is I genuinely feel emotionally eviscerated over this. I'm gonna try to live vicariously through my brother, and giving it to him makes me feel better than selling it to a stranger. I told my parents they should try to keep me occupied and we should use the time together if they're up to it, so maybe good will come of it. Sorry to complain about something seemingly trivial but for me this is missing Christmas.
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I just want you to know that I know a few people who have had to miss Coachella for one reason or another. I live not far from there, and one of my teacher friends is a teacher at Coachella High. It is not trivial for you, therefore, allow yourself to grieve for what you are missing and keep moving forward and I am sure plenty of good will come of this.

I know hundreds of people who go to Coachella, and every year, I know a few that have to make a hard choice and I can pick up on the genuine pain of having to sacrifice something good for something hopefully better.

Don't punish yourself anymore. You are doing what is right for you so try to remember that as Coachella comes and goes. They start the countdown for the next year's festival the very first day after each Coachella ends. I hope you find some comfort in the pride you should feel over your own wisdom. <3
 
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SHHMCJOOAPOYS said:
Jet lagged

Just got back from holiday.
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I feel jet-lagged right now as well, but I have not left my city in months. 8(

DEPRESSED

Friday night blues are back again. All of my coworkers, including the one I have the crush on, are going out clubbing/drinking/etc tonight. They were all so upbeat and excited at work. Of course I go home immediately afterward and try and feel like I am doing the "right thing" by making a protein shake, watching the news and listening to uplifting music. Alas, this isn't very much fun at all. It's freakin' lonely. 3.5 hours of sleep last night and have been going nonstop for the past 16 hours...and my heart is still pounding and my mind racing. Ugh
 
RedLeader said:
I feel jet-lagged right now as well, but I have not left my city in months. 8(

DEPRESSED

Friday night blues are back again. All of my coworkers, including the one I have the crush on, are going out clubbing/drinking/etc tonight. They were all so upbeat and excited at work. Of course I go home immediately afterward and try and feel like I am doing the "right thing" by making a protein shake, watching the news and listening to uplifting music. Alas, this isn't very much fun at all. It's freakin' lonely. 3.5 hours of sleep last night and have been going nonstop for the past 16 hours...and my heart is still pounding and my mind racing. Ugh
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Aw Red, I know exactly how you feel. I'm with you here bro, another Friday night/Saturday morning on Bluelight. Take it in stride buddy. <3<3<3<3 You're doing awesome and it will all pay off soon.
 
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