• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

How are you in one word? v. 2012

Status
Not open for further replies.
Alright...

Could be better, but could be worse. I will be refilling my methadone script tomorrow, and I do love refilling scripts. Tomorrow will busy day with work and class, so getting out to pick up the script, drop it off, and pick it up from the pharmacy will be a little annoying. I'll try and deal with that tomorrow early morning so I can spend the afternoon studying for the quiz in my class.

I've noticed on my days off I keep sleeping in as late as possible and its becoming rather annoying. I Know why I'm doing it, but its uncomfortable, as well as such a waste of time. I really need to fix that. I shouldn't expect myself to magically recover from wanting to kill myself to doing everything ideally when I start feeling a lot better, but it doesn't hurt to acknowledge were I still see where I am not really improving.
 
My feeling is I don't even know what it is lol. I'm just in a good mood and about to get ready... I texted my best friend and she's going to walk over to my place now :) so today shall be good.
 
bummed :(
Had a wonderful holiday in Singapore, now I'm back home, back to reality, back in the Sydney traffic, back in the office, back to deadlines and rude people and stress and ughh :|
 
^Win. :)

@n3o: That's the tough thing about vacations; you have to come home some day. Unless, you know, you just keep travelling! ;)

ATM: Hongry. I think that it's time to fine tune my chickpea flour crepe recipe a bit more...
 
spent the past hour dealing with some severe cravings

I'm feeling a bit better now but Christ I regret what I have done to my brain. Sometimes I worry I'm going to be dealing with this shit for the rest of my life. It is ridiculous how quickly I can go from feeling pretty good to making a plan to throw my sobriety out the window.
 
???

I don't know if there's a word for it. I feel hungry, but I feel like I don't have an appetite.
 
feeling really adhd atm

I mean, this is the way I've been my whole life, so I should learn to deal with it, and I am trying to, but it's a struggle that I can't see ever ending. I don't wish severe adhd on anyone. I grew up in a good middle class family. Both my brothers have graduated fro m college, one even went to UNC. My sister is about to start college, after doing real well in high school. So, it's not like I didn't have good parenting like a lot of skeptics would blame my ADHD. It is fucking hell having it. I hate watching myself do nothing while being capable of pretty much anything. I'm smart as hell, but struggle to be a functional human being. ugh... I don't know how I'm going to learn to deal with it. I want to go back to college a year and a half from now to finish my chem degree but I'm scared I wont be able to do so. I want to graduate with a 3.5 if not a 3.8 (with academic forgiveness for the last 3 years, aka keeping my credits but starting my gpa over again). I'm doubting that will happen. That scares me because my goal is to graduate respectively then go on to become a pharmacologist. It seems like an impossible goal for someone with ADHD.

hmm...

I'm still holding onto my amazing friends that have help me out so much recently. They still are making me feel great bout myself. I guess I just need to think about my 6 month goal. I'd like to get my pharm tech certifications, save up atleast 1000-1500 bucks, find a job in NC ( asheville, boone, chapel hill, or durham), and then move. I'll be able to be back with my friends. Each city I have a friend who'd love to get a place with me - honestly, it's an awesome feeling having someone from each place saying they would love to live with me. I'm a lot more popular than I give myself credit for. I have more good friends than I have fingers, not many people have that. I mean these are people who I'd trust my life to. Basically family to me. God I miss them. If I can get a job in a pharmacy making 25k a year, I'll be a rich man, especially if i have my good friends around me.

Well, I'll end it with this good note.
 
Royaly fucking PISSED OFF!!
sorry folks ive been on B/L vacation.... Back on the boards tonite hopefully:|
How i miss you wonderfull people whilst im absent.
 
Depleted too... slept very poorly last night because of nasty headaches. I think I contracted sinusitis or sth... Whatever my body procures some rest one way or the other. Now I have some time to catch up some sleep.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top