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Honestly...I want to know how you feel about your addictions.

Fight Club said:
Sorry about the second half of my post; I must have been angry (at someone besides you) at the time.

FWIW, I was pretty much in the same boat as you in 1979. Now I am a practicing attorney with wealth beyond my wildest dreams! ;)

FC
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cool! no offense taken
 
Dryseeker said:
I was a major weed smoker in my younger days which I lost my love for in my 30's. Suffered a major injury which resulted in a failed surgery; became a chronic pain patient. I immediately fell in love with Oxycodone, I have a legitimate need for it however I confess I love the way it makes me feel. The only problem I have with it is of course trying to control my intake and tolerance which is a fact of life for a chronic opiate user.

As long as I have OC Im a productive person, have a great job and am a good husband to my wife. When I run out early Im absolutely worthless, I cant function at all, its a struggle to get out of bed. In all honesty the future scares the hell out of me; I have been on opiates now for 4 years and often wonder if I could ever kick out without being fucking miserable for years to follow. My ever increasing tolerance also scares me, it's SO hard to even attempt to taper.

I guess to summarize I am without question hard core addicted, it would be a monumental task for me to kick it. I honestly think the worst thing about OC is running out early............................Peace
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dryseeker thats me to a tee. I have been on them for four years also and being an older person I know I got to get ahold on this Mother Fucker. I have to take our hard earned money and buy the shit off the street. It sure does make everything better. I'm getting it back down to 80mg of Oxy a day. I can get through the day OK but sleeping is a bitch.
 
i currently feel afraid & confused about my addiction..... i've been clean for already 6 & a half months now (almost 9 since i withdrew) & i feel great & don't want to use drugs, but what holds me is my outpatient rehab (& the court & the jail if i stop going there), & i feel i'm still addicted as fuck though i have no cravings already now i know that when i gonna get free of the courts & the systems i may relapse & that's scares me because of two reasons.
the first is that i don't wont to fuck up my brain & life again, don't want to hang around like stupid all junked up searching for drugs & all that shit... don't want the dpressions & the guilty feelings... don't want to go back to all that shit.
the second reason is my family, my mom won't stand me using drugs another time, & the majority of my friends will turn their back to me & i see how fucked up this situation will be when i just imagine it...
so, i really hope that i will hold myself clean when no law holds me clean & i'm completely independent, cuz that (junked) life is shit.

oh & i've been addicted to benzos & opiates (mainly heroin, codeine & morphine) for like a year, also used heavily marijuana, lsd, methcathinone & ocassionally ecstasy & cocaine. also used any drug & pill that would come to my hands, not IV'ed drugs though did it once.
started using drugs habitually 6 years ago.
 
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Boiling in Acid said:
. . . what holds me is my outpatient rehab (& the court & the jail if i stop going there), & i feel i'm still addicted as fuck though i have no cravings already now i know that when i gonna get free of the courts & the systems i may relapse & that's scares me because of two reasons.
the first is that i don't wont to fuck up my brain & life again, don't want to hang around like stupid all junked up searching for drugs & all that shit... don't want the dpressions & the guilty feelings... don't want to go back to all that shit.
the second reason is my family, my mom won't stand me using drugs another time, & the majority of my friends will turn their back to me & i see how fucked up this situation will be when i just imagine it...
so, i really hope that i will hold myself clean when no law holds me clean & i'm completely independent, cuz that (junked) life is shit.
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I still worry that despite AA and the love and support of my family, which have helped me stay clean, if I were left alone in a room with a bag of coke and bag of pins, with no immediate consequences, I too would get high in a heartbeat . . .

FC
 
^My family can't support me well they just don't know how... it's just hard sometimes to live with them cuz they don't much understand me if at all...
I seen in front of my eyes heroin, kpins, crack, speed, & hash many times during this period but i wonder what would had happened if there was no piss tests & jail to avoid...
I sometimes go to NA but i don't feel good there don't know why... I mean i feel good about it but i all nervous & uncomfortable on the meeting, don't look to people in the eyes... in this point NA has little part in my recovery but i do get power from there.
 
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^^^^^^^^^
With some luck, the piss tests and threat of jail will keep you clean until you find what it takes to stay clean on your own.

WRT NA, it's not common to feel uncomfortable, especially the first few times or if you don't go on a regular basis. Is it because you feel like a "fraud", or maybe feel like other people "get it" but you don't? Relax. Believe me when I say everyone feels like that at some point in time when they go to meetings. Next time you go, raise your hand and share exactly what you have stated in the post above; you might be surprised at the responses.

FC
 
I can fuck on opiates but cumming is another thing lol. I'm definately addicted to oxy, physically and mentally and keep doing it so I don't get sick. I don't even really get high anymore unless I take a crazy, expensive dose, I just do them to be normal and function during everyday life.
 
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