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Honestly...I want to know how you feel about your addictions.

center

center

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 24, 2004
Messages
3,826
Location
North America
(HRFS, Mods-- I would like to hear from this community. Please leave this topic here. Thank you.)

SUPZ?

I have a few truly serious questions to ask all of you.

Which substances you have used in the past... (or are using, if it applies)

What or how do you feel towards your addiction(s)?

What is the _MAIN_ reason why you keep using?


I have an addiction to just about anything I can get my hands on, save the opiates, benzos, dxm...you know. I'm sure you've seen my rather sarcastically rude posts in the past few days especially. Seriously, some were real and from the heart...others really were because I was up for a confidential number of days and felt like being a little silly!

So essentially....ketamine, acid, pot, alcohol, certain unnamed research chemicals (not sure how to classify) as well amphetamines of any type. A couple years ago I had quite a little pain in the ass benzo addiction. Seizures and detoxification as a result happened.

I've been better recently. Put away the hallucinogens for the main part. Same with the alcohol. The pot will be a problem until I run out of my current toy. When I use certain drugs--especially stimulants, I get a complete dissolving of craving for pot. It's helpful, but only reminds me that it's because I'm satiated on somethig else. That in turn certainly makes myself wonder what the hell is it that I feel the need to be altered. Not to have a rush, not to be absolutely retarded (well, retarded but functionally-retarded), and not to do certain drugs such as opiates although on occasion, I will admit (one time only! take a picture!) that I like them.

Like I was saying, it's not about a rush. It's about a prolonged feeling of altered chemistry. For example, I like to smoke just enough weed to feel slightly different, usually a few hits of some dank does it. Then I'm set. For hours. No "cravings" for being altered.

Other drugs I can't say the same about. I misjudged something earlier this week and ended up doing/staying up a tad bit more than expected. (4 extra fucking days).

I slept last night for six hours. In spite, I dosed this morning. Dipshit is me.

Anyway, I'd like to know what you all are going through, I know I haven't been too kind recently, but I assure you I was mainly being a slob. (Ended up becoming fucking OBSESSED with bluelight and _couldnt_ leave my computer---I realize I was super obnoxious, but we all have our days...or benders. (PMs went to those who deserved apology :P)


Fire away! Let's hear your excuse(s).
 
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Are you a speed-freak??

My addictions are opiates and benzos.

I love opiates, benzos simply help me function.

When I can't find opiates I drink a ridiculous amount of alcohol.

I hate life being addicted, can't seem to hold a good job, etc....
 
I'm addicted to opiates. I love opiates so much. For the last three years i've been trying to get away from them. I'm prescribed suboxone, i've been on it for the last 8 months but even with the suboxone i can't stop using opiates. I imagine that even if i was to stop using them completely, there will always be a big warm, fuzzy, itchy place for them in my heart.
 
I can't hold a job recently either. It's my fault.

Oh, and the excuse(s) part was yet another form of sarcasm. Jeez. I'll take it out.

I wasn't asking for you to make excuses, just tell your story.
 
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I was a major weed smoker in my younger days which I lost my love for in my 30's. Suffered a major injury which resulted in a failed surgery; became a chronic pain patient. I immediately fell in love with Oxycodone, I have a legitimate need for it however I confess I love the way it makes me feel. The only problem I have with it is of course trying to control my intake and tolerance which is a fact of life for a chronic opiate user.

As long as I have OC Im a productive person, have a great job and am a good husband to my wife. When I run out early Im absolutely worthless, I cant function at all, its a struggle to get out of bed. In all honesty the future scares the hell out of me; I have been on opiates now for 4 years and often wonder if I could ever kick out without being fucking miserable for years to follow. My ever increasing tolerance also scares me, it's SO hard to even attempt to taper.

I guess to summarize I am without question hard core addicted, it would be a monumental task for me to kick it. I honestly think the worst thing about OC is running out early............................Peace
 
Opiates have a speical place in my heart...even before my lovely gf...maybe when kids come...
 
^^And, at least she's not your ex-wife...right?? Maybe she inherently likes you on dope...all funny, creative (me, at least), etc...and good in bed? :)
 
i use opiates daily

ups:

kills my social anxiety and allows me to be sociable and they've gotten me girlfriends,
motivates me for school,
increases curiosity and general 'emotional well being' :p,
rids me of loose stool / IBS,
rids me of insomnia / lets me sleep,
and the occasional nod-out dose feels superb,
(basically i like who i am on opiates)

downs:

i don't poo very often,

overall, i see no problem with being dependent if it makes life better in the long run. i'm probly also dependent on my scripted klonopin

p.s. it's been 4 mo. of daily use and my tolerance is still near baseline. maybe its the melatonin i take every night (a pubmed study indicated melatonin reduces tolerance) and my weekend breaks and only low daily doses (with a high/recreational dose one or two times a week)

and while i'm certainly dependent (withdrawals) i am not sure if i'm really 'addicted.' i could stop if i wanted to :p thats what they all say though hehe
 
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hmm i'm going to reply to this post however...if no ones interested feel free not to read it..lol...i'm just writing it to see if i can learn something from myself 8)

i used to be addicted to heroin (15yrs agao) the reason being, i liked being off my face and out of it(i was suicidal, but wasn't when i was drugged out..lol).....then i switched to speed for a while......i would have pot with it......but i started to get too paranoid on pot...to the point where i felt like i was going to have a heart attack....anyway....i was on these drugs for a while.....i had a needle fixation which didn't help in giving up!...sometimes i would just shoot up water 8) .....anyway...i say i was addicted to heroin and speen.....however at the time i would have said i wasn't because i used to purposely save some to prove to my self that i wasn't addicted.....man is that screwed up!

the reason i was using at the time was cause life was shit...just absolute shit and drugs were the only thing that made me realatively happy...temporarily!

eventually i stopped the drugs.....was happy for the following 10 years (met hubby had kids etc).....however.....

i am now addicted to mercyndol forte...it was not intentional ...i just had too many migraines too often......and they worked really well

i'm now addicted to Temazapan cause i kept frieking out once i'd fallen asleep and wake up through the night panicking.......

so now......and without the CWE process i take the mercyndal forte (about 9 a day) through the day then i take and tamazapam in the evening.

the main reason i do this....is because if i don't....i will seriously lose the plot and have like a major (anger) breakdown or something...lol.....i'm constantly fighting with my oldest son (8yrs) but when i'm on these pills i can remain calm and not let him get to me so much......

all that being said.....i don't take too much at once because i need to feel 'with it' in regards to looking after my kids......so unfortunately i don't get the real 'off my face' feeling that i want to get, just the mellow feeling so i don't throw my kids oput the window...hehe!

i have a very strong will power and even if i'm addicted i know i could stop if i wanted too.....i'm just enjoying myself right now until i can figure out how to be happy enough without the pills.

it just sucks that all these drugs can screw your body's health up so much.....i know my liver would be suffereing from all the paracetomol.....and i'm of to get a LFT in a couple of days.

so my main reason for my 'pill popping' at the moment is the stress of having two very hypa kids.....whilst trying to do a degree from home.

anyway...thats just my rant!
 
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hmm i'm going to reply to this post however...if no ones interested feel free not to read it..lol...i'm just writing it to see if i can learn something from myself
Click to expand...
Never start a page like that. Pretend they are there to read it and they are interested just because you wrote it.

Self confidence defines you.
I think it's cool you're getting a degree- where?
 
So talk about it...tell your story. It helps to type things. Super therapeutic.

You saw mine, bitch! I want to see yours!
 
bah been clean for about 3 or 4 days i think, completly, almost dosed on monday and yesterday but managed not to so hard when i have a bottle of perks and oxys on my night stand 8)
yeah, i got this expensive medicine (celebrex) that helps my pain, but it nowhere good as my painkillers works.
 
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First off I Hate my addiction with a passion.
First off, I truly believe people are born with the addiction gene, it just depends on if they ever try abusing substances in their life if they end up ever being addicted. In my case, I believe that. But I also suffer badly from depression and anxiety, which IMO, makes my addiction all the worse and harder to quit. Nothin like snortin an oxy and going out and being social and motivated. That is why I keep falling back on substances: social anxiety. And honestly I love the high too. But using drugs to self medicate has also ruined my life. Oxy's ended up leading to IV heroin, which is a different kind of hell, and oxys are bad enough anyways. You are like the living dead with that shit (heroin). I have tried legal ways like therapists and anti-depressants, methadone, suboxone, but so far I havent had much success, except some success with suboxone, to an extant.
Sorry but I must go for a few, I have more too say but I am buzzed and must smoke a ciggie :) I hope this has made sense so far, as I am not myself right now :;
 
center said:
Never start a page like that. Pretend they are there to read it and they are interested just because you wrote it.

Self confidence defines you.
I think it's cool you're getting a degree- where?
Click to expand...

oddly i didn't mean it in that way...i just meant ithat i didn't know if i was gonig to saty on topic....lol....

where am i doing the degree through? southern cross uni.....doing it long distance....i don't much like it though...cause i can't start studying each day till like 9.00pm...once the kids are in bed...so often i'm up till 2 in the morning then have to get up at 6am.....tis a wonder i don't just crash each night with the pills...lol...however if i have to stay up i might as well enjoy it...hehe

Tsukasa... what's up with school?
 
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