Spent the last 6 months hiding an opiate addiction from everyone including my live in boyfriend...I'd love to tell you that the people you love will understand and support you but in my situation that hasn't be the case. The primary person in my life just couldn't understand and alot of disgust and resentment have developed as a result. Is there anyway you can get can some benzos or sleeping pills for your doctor, feign illness and just try to power through the withdrawals and tell your family you have the flu real bad. Maybe talk to your doctor about some anti depressants as well?
I'm sorry to hear they reacted this way at a time you needed them to be the opposite.. So, did you make it through?
Thanks for the reply
still finding out more on the benzo thing. Already been on the anti depressants and they did help. Not alone anymore so having love helps greatly. Gives strength and courage.
Hard to explain though, so yeah, the flu, good one.
take it easy
I hid my addiction to my family but as far as I know they know about my alcoholism. The very first people who have found out about my drug addiction are my close friends and I was lucky in a way that they understood what I was going through. One of them warned me about the consequences which I shrugged and wished I didn't. I am so thankful about the support of two of my best friends while I was having a hard time about a year and half ago. Both of them went with me to emergency due to panic attacks etc.
I admitted to my family about my drug use when I started having problems and instead of my dad getting mad at that time he felt sorry for me and helped me to recover. I think it made us closer because he finally understood what I was going through and I started opening up about my problems. I was surprised because my dad is really strict about drug use and really conservative but I think at that time he saw that if he doesn't help I would get worse. Like what Neversickanymore said, if you do not feel comfortable about opening up your addiction, build a network of support from other people but you can also benefit from opening up to your family/friends because you never know you might get support from them.
Thanks Maya
I hope your doing well now and thanks for sharing.
Good you got the support
Yup, build a network of sorts starting here . Maybe one day will be brave enough to actually share with people face to face but for now, sure is nice to at least come here to B.L
happy day lady
Shame feeds addiction and silence and secrets feed shame. I think you have to stand up for yourself and humble yourself at the same time which is a delicate balance. There is a really good book out there called The Four Agreements. One of the agreements is to not personalize everything. Just like your family doesn't understand your situation because they have not walked in your shoes, you don't understand theirs for the exact same reason. When you realize that, you can cease to personalize their ignorance and see it as a chance to have a more supportive relationship. It is scary for the people who love you. People never act their best when they act out of fear. Right now everyone is scared--you and your loved ones. Work on ways to talk about how you feel, what you are going through, etc from a place of strength. I think the reason other peoples judgments of us carry such weight is that we often hold them ourselves.
Yup. I am ashamed of myself and it is 'heavy' I was one strong bird many moons ago. A healthy body, mind. My zest for life remains but I do feel an internal shame for being dependant on these little things that grip me so. And they will continue to do so. It is an odd situation.
I liked your take on not personalizing things. True that over the years the journey has both nourished and torn at the Family fabrics. I understand it has not been easy for them and continue to approach with compassion and learning more each time so that's good
I think from all i've read here the general consensus is , get support, share with those who will not unjustly judge or condemn me. indeed.
hey, I appreciate. Have a great day Herbavore
Then people around me who love me have been instrumental in supporting me in recovery. That and I have gotten to a place where I dont give a rats ass what ignorant people, or judgmental people think.. it actually usually quite amusing to me when someone I know pretty well gets a little uppity about addiction.. cause IMHO everyone has their thing and usually people change their tune real quick when their little thing is brought into the light. They like us usually think that its all such a secrete.. usually this is not the case.. I used to think I was so sly.. and I was but people are smart and they usually know allot more than we give them credit for.
So I guess it really comes down to a individual bases for this.. but the approach I take is to be completely open and I dont take any shit from the peanut gallery. Shame and guilt are some of the strongest weapons addiction has, they make us feal "broken" and drive use, these feeling also can work into the addictions favor... it doesn't want you to have support.. it wants to battle you alone as it easier.
Again this is a individual decision, but battling addiction alone is really hard and most of us find amazing benefits in banding together and making it a group effort, support is such a strong weapon thats on our side, so weather we receive support through Bluelight, the fellowships, smart recovery, or through friends and family I think is really powerful if not essential. So if you dont want ti include your family or certain people that love you I would encourage you to develop some sort of strong support network, cause battling an addiction alone is possible, but damn lonely, Id rather walk through both the good and the bad times with some other loving souls.
NeverSickAnymore,
Yup, done too many years alone already and am no longer alone so I best start trusting but I am reluctant. Your post spoke full well to me and offered much good advice. Thank you.
It was good to share. I don't think i'm ready to get into any recovery or group sessions regarding addiction but I have shared on this thing and, well, that's a start.
I will check out that addiction guide as well as the recovery forum
again, your post was great
Reaching out shows you want to get better. Just keep working on yourself and find non-opiate ways to happiness.
Thank You Captain, i'm on it.
Ubi, why should you have to hide the fact that you're taking pain medication for a legitimate medical condition? You say that you have been trying to reduce your intake and your doctor is concerned about your quality of life. It's not like you are using the meds to get high from, it seems quite the opposite. If you share your problem with your family or friends, they may end up being supportive given the chance.
Dear T.Calderone,
Though I appreciate the thought that they would understand, I hesitate because people talk ; even those who love us, eventually share with those they trust.
I do not need people judging me, 'justified' reason to use the meds or not and what is 'just' anyway right? You see, I'd be a bold faced liar if I claimed that I hadn't got both relief and 'high' from them for when they first came into my life many years ago, I did abuse them for they became an escape after years of suffering pain and then the emotional but that didn't last long and its been a battle getting back. Now, years later, reduced them by 85%, yet still, in me and will be.
True, I have a reason to use these things. But like it or not, people, not all but enough to warrant caution, simply do not understand. Many assume they themselves would endure the daily pain and would find my decision weak
I prefer they see me, not my conditions or vulnerabilities.
I am working on telling my love. I believe it is sensed but I hide it well
I understand it is their right to know, you know, the one we love, and when it's right I will.
"given the chance"
I'm not quite there yet
but thank you for your reply and I hope your day goes well
When you hide your addiction, your secrets are not just secrets--they are lies. And these lies seep into every part of your life as you hide what is going on; poisioning your relationships with those you love, your health, and most of all, your own sense of self worth.
If you are afraid to speak with your parents about your medication, ask to have a meeting with you doctor present. Your doctor can help explain to your parents what your medical needs are, and what the medication does for you.
Interesting you bring up the secret/lie thing. That is what tugs my strings the most; hiding it from the one closest to me. I am working on it, gingerly and one day will share. I know they know something is up. It is obvious I take something for the pains when they get to be too much, just not exactly what the 'med' is or the fact it has a grip on me.
Perhaps a part of me is afraid that if I share all, they may develop a negative response that may tarnish things between us in some way that wouldn't be had I only kept my mouth shut and dealt with it in other ways, like writing on this keypad at this very moment.
I'm a little too old to bring the parents into the Doc office for a chat but perhaps venturing out to a like minded group of folks at some point is in the cards so to speak
take care and thanks again
