Hi I am new & after reading about TDS (plus the pre-reads) I knew I should come here.

My Skewed View

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 29, 2013
Messages
4
Location
Rochester, NY
Hi I am new & after reading about TDS (plus the pre-reads) I knew I should come here.

Hi all, glad to finally have a place where my life won't seem so messed up to others. I have a long history of sexual abuse, including incest, rape from a stranger and by my (ex) husband, domestic violence including , emotional, verbal, physical and sexual abuse. My mother was/is a sever drug addict/alcoholic, my father was a good man but sadly he passed away 2 yrs ago. I stated drinking & smoking @ 7 yrs of age, pot by 8, cocaine etc..all within the next few years. I was diagnosed with PTSD at age 29 and histrionic personality disorder at age 17. I am currently on methadone, klonopins and clonodine, I try not to drink or smoke weed in excess anymore bc I have 3 kids & am trying to give them a better life than I had. Also I have a very bad liver. I have been trying to change many behaviors and patterns just to better my life for my kids, my ex isn't allowed to see them currently & he never has helped with them, financial or other so I am doing this alone. I am hyper vigilant and never really sleep, I struggle every day with the anxiety & now that I am fairly clean I am dealing with incidents/periods of my life I blocked or smothered with drugs. I do not judge anyone and I almost never tell people unless I am very close to them about all the things I have done or lived through, most cannot understand or judge me based off of what I have told them. I am relieved to have found this and am very glad to be here.
 
Welcome to Bluelight! :)


I'm sorry you have been through so much hardship in your life. It's great to hear that you are trying to make things better for yourself and your kids! You don't need to worry about being judged here. All of us have been through some terrible shit, done some shit, had to live with shit, etc. None of us will judge you, for anything. You have definitely found an amazing little section of the internet b coming here. <3
 
Sending you some love op and wow you went through a lot. Do yoyr best to stay clean as caseface have said for your kids. We are all here to help each other and if you just want to vent we also have a thread for that. I wish you the best of luck and give you credits for kicling off the habits.
 
Great to get some responses, thanks so much! Like I said, as sober as I have ever been but I still am battling all types of demons. Look forward to gaining insight and hopefully, giving some as well.
 
Hi Skewedview, I am almost completely sober after abusing drugs and alcohol throughout my teen years and into adulthood. The hardest thing for me quitting is drinking, and I have a messed up liver too. I cannot imagine how hard it must be trying to raise three kids on your own with no help. But I know how it is when you really have trouble confiding important things to friends because they just don't understand. I'm glad you found Bluelight and you will find lots of support here in The Dark Side. <3
 
Hi SkewedView,glad you have found TDS as you will certainly get support from the great people on here.
You certainly have had a tough life but you are still here so that shows you are a survivor & stronger than you probably realise.
Keep on giving yr children the life you never had, break the cycle. Take care.
 
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