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Bluelight Crew
Been looking for a place to share my concerns with people, I'm so glad to have registered here! So a little about me - I'm 18, I live in Paris, am studying literature and philosophy in the hopes of becoming a writer someday. More to the point, I'm also addicted to benzodiazepines (I won't give you the name of the one I take because I don't know how to translate it so it wouldn't be of much help). I started taking them about 8 months ago because after an accident, my cervicals moved which is extremely painful so they helped ease the muscle tension and pain etc. In the past 2 months or so, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me, my grandfather (whom I was very close to) died, my parents announced they were getting a divorce and my neck pain has just been getting worse and worse, and so I eventually just snapped, lost all feelings of guilt and started taking benzos to cure the emotional pain rather than the physical one. I've already had some difficult times in my life - when I was 14 a very good friend of mine died after being in a coma for 9 months following a sports incident, and when I was 15 my best friend tried to kill himself, twice. I was also anorexic when I was 14 and 15. I've been feeling extremely numb and empty for what feels like years, months at the very least - like I can feel extremely profound negative emotions, but never positive ones. I honestly don't really know what it's like to feel really happy. I've been diagnosed with depression, and I'm sort of sick of trying to overcome all this so I've just been looking for a rather more unhealthy way to feel blissful or something, hence the fact that in the past few weeks I have been absolutely obsessed with the idea of trying heroin. I dream about it, literally. So yup, I've decided to register here to talk about my concerns and try to find information and all. Glad to be a part of your community 
