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Hi everyone, new guy here :)

Pill2Chill

Pill2Chill

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 11, 2012
Messages
5,517
Location
Belgium
Hi,
I've been lurking on this site for ages. I'm a member of another forum that's about drugs and harm reduction, so I never bothered to register here. But well I like the community so I decided to register.

A 'little' wall of text about me. Well, mostly my drug use, but that's what where here to discuss, right? %)

I'm 21 years old, I've been using drugs for about 5 years. Started with pot like most (which I now still do about once or twice a week since a month and a half, before that I was a die-hard stoner who smoked almost constantly ever since I started MJ). Then I discovered xtc (on occasion, parties) which I limited to twice or so a year,
then came the speed (regular amphs, not crystal or anything) which I heavily abused for a year and a half. (I had a gram/day habit.) I kicked that two years ago.
After that I moved on to benzodiazepines since I created a lot of anxiety issues while going overboard with the speed. I used that excuse to justify my idiotic behaviour. I heavily abused them for months. Took an equivalent of about 200-250mg diazepam (in alprazolam, bromazepam, diazepam, lorazepam and clonazepam mostly) every single day. On top of that I used tramadol daily up to 800mgs/day, and occasionally codeine, tilidine. I also used a variety of other drugs on rare occasions, but those were never a problem. So I have experience with cocaine, lsd, 2c-b, ketamine, dxm, n2o, DMT, 5-meo-dmt, ritalin (which I actually had a prescription for but didn't like.), magic truffles, salvia, ethylphenidate, a bunch of benzos not mentioned above and I'm sure I'm forgetting some others.

Recently (2 months ago) I decided the benzo/tramadol addiction as well as my other drug use was getting the best of me so I went c/t off 800mg/day tramadol habit. Meanwhile I tapered down my enormous amounts of benzos down to 2,5mg lorazepam/day. I am currently on 10mg diazepam/day. I also haven't touched a harddrug. Unless you concider tilidin or valium, that are both on prescription for chronic pain & anxiety issues, harddrugs.

On occasion I'll still take a higher dose of valium recreationally, but to avoid the fiasco that happened last time that is never more than once a week (Sometimes even two weeks). And by a higher dose I don't mean 100mg, I mean 20, 30mg at most.

I also still use tilidine from time to time. I'm not addicted to that. And should that go wrong, I'd be able to stop that in a heartbeat. The withdrawal is laughable compared to that of tramadol. People who say tramadol withdrawal is a joke, are thoroughly mistaking. It's worse than oxy withdrawal. (IME)

My doc are opiates and weed, but since I know where that leads I avoid opiates as much as I can, and I don't go seeking out new more powerful opes. I'm also still very interested in psychedelics, in particular acid, 2c-b and ketamine. As I have only little experience with ketamine, but always REALLY enjoyed it. I did a small line of ketamine during an lsd trip once, and that's something I'd really like to try again in the future. Simply amazing.

Anyway that's about all there is to know about my substance abuse. I hope addictions are a thing of the past and I will be able to go about this in a more sensible manner from now on.

tl;dr version

Hello (fellow) BL'ers, I'm an ex-lurker who's glad to have finally registered. :)

Have a nice day people,
Regards from Belgium.
 
Wow, some track record you got going there. It's nice to see you've got everything under control again.
Welcome to BL :D
 
Thanks. Yeah I'm a sucker for addictions lol.
I'm not gonna let things get out of hand anymore. I've never been more miserable than when I was withdrawing from tramadol & tapering benzos at the same time. :|
 
Welcome PillToChill -

My favorite benzodiazepine is rohypnol (flunitrazepam) [Roofies]. 10 years ago i would take 2mg at night for sleep...my roommate had a hookup for them. Rohypnol is 500 times stronger than valium, so it was kinda like the equivilent of taking 100 10mg valiums at night lol. Also, years ago, Ketamine was my most favorite drug...especially since i never felt any comedown or bad feeling as a result of using it....only psychological cravings. The best way to do it, in my opinion, is to lie flat in a very dark room, set your monitor up to music and cool graphic visualizations.....it really enhances your trip greatly. I also did it with LSD and some beers once...the only time i did lsd actually. Ketamine is pretty hard to come by nowadays unless you know a vet or vet tech. The dentist put it in my IV when I had my wisdom teeth removed also, so idiots calling it a cat tranquilizer don't have a clue what they're talking about. The best types of ketamine I found were Ketaset, Ketaject, and Anesket. Ketavet is alright, Tokyo is ok, and indoketam is terrible. The most addicting drug I've done was smoking crack, even more euphoric than IV cocaine, which I have done as well. Aside from that, I'm not really a fan of uppers for the most part. I hate the way methamphetamine used to make me feel. Currently I'm pretty much just addicted to opiates, which Ive been prescribed for over 2 years now. I've smoked heroin twice and IMed it once, and it never made me feel anything...I have a crazy insane opiate tolerance. no benzos work for me anymore that is legal, only triazolam, but i have to take 3mg of it to get to sleep, and the maximum daily amount of it is 0.5mg. I love psychadelics, shrooms are fun, i once got some that had been ground to powder and put in capsules, so u could avoid the nausiating taste, that was cool lol. I wonder...where you live is Brotizolam legal? That is a very potent benzo...0.25mg of it being the equivalent of 2mg rohypnol. What I wish I could get a scrip for is pentobarbital or secobarbital. I love weed, and i have a doctors recommendation which makes it legal to smoke for me, and can grow up to 12 plants. I don't drink very often, I hate being hungover, although opiate or benzo withdrawal will make you wish you were only hungover lol. The medicines I am currently taking are 150mg elavil at night, 400mg seroquel at night, 2mg klonopin twice a day, opana ER 30mg 3 times a day, and dilaudid 4mg 3 times a day. Dilaudid mixed with sterile water and pushed through a micron filter works great. I was on ms contin for awhile cuz opana is so expensive, but it didnt do shit for my pain lol, so im back on opana. the opana IR 10mgs are good for injecting as well, although the generics weigh 200mg, so only 5% of the tablet is oxymorphone. Cloves are now illegal in the US but Im going to try to order a carton next month cuz im broke right now lol. So normally i smoke camel turkish royals. Oh and the worst withdrawal experience i ever had was going off of 150mcg of fentanyl and 30mg morphine sulfate 3x a day, and cold turkey off of klonopin, xanax, and triazolam (halcion). The opiate withdrawal came first, and id be convulsing shaking for hours at a time, with insanely severe hot and cold flashes and severe anxiety, stomach cramps, ugh...then a couple days latyer the benzo withdrawal kicked in, and i was a total mess....i had to go to the ER and they gave me a triple dose of IV valium. Anyways, no one is gonna read all of this cause its practically a novel lol...so, welcome again and enjoy the site!! I'm bored and downloading Diablo 3 beta =D
 
Paulymorphone - Thanks for the welcome man. I'm very much into ketamine but I don't have any sources for it. Nor do I have any money at the moment. I've only done it a few times and those few times have been amazing to say the least.
I'm still living with my parents and they know about my addictions and simply want me to stop. But my GAD really always drives me back to taking a benzo. I'm not gonna get back on the ridiculous amounts again that I was on. But I still feel I need them, and well I prefer taking a benzo to being miserable. I'm gonna see a psych asap about the gad, but the waiting time is just gigantic.
/e: Oh and yes brotizolam is legal (in tabs of 0.25). But so is flunitrazepam (rohypnol). Don't have the urge to turn to strong hypnotic benzos though. I do want to change my diazepam to bromazepam because of the shorter half-life and better anxilotic actions. And I want lormetazepam for sleep. (I've been using clonazepam 2mg again for that, which isn't really ideal for sleep.) Lormetazepam is a hypnotic, but a relatively weak one. So that shouldn't make my tolerance rise.


Jdpaul - thanks. :)
 
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Just realize, realistically, that the benzo's most certainly shouldn't be there for you forever. And more so they are just kind of putting a bandaid over a hemorrhaging gash. Benzos won't help you get to the bottom of your problems nor teach you how to pick up the pieces from there.
Fix the problem at the roots, as benzos only help cloud your mind and make things easier to brush off and forget about. When your body & mind may be trying to tell you something important, it's something that needs to be dissected, not just patched.
The anxiety won't last forever, and the sooner you figure out whats causing it, the better. Because benzos won't always be there for you or will it last forever. It's no fun to withdrawal from benzos while you're still withdrawing from real life, if you catch my drift.

It's good to see you're learning moderation & that you're taking a more prospective look at your situation. Those are essentially the first few baby steps that lead you to be a club swinging /axe wielding person, -ready to defend yourself out of pure instinct, or at least self training.
 
I know they don't solve anything. But not having to cope with anxiety and forgetting about it from time to time can still feel damn good.

I understand there are underlying issues that need to be dealt with. I've been trying to get a psychiatrist for about a month now. It's hopeless here in Belgium, I think everyone needs a psych. nowadays. The one with the shortest waiting list is still a 3 month wait. :( I hope I can get some help there..
 
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