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He's Just Not That Into Me?

Ah, so I see you got in bed with one of my Scorpio brothers...we're a different clique, truly.

A lot of what you're describing about him unfortunately sounds eerily similar to the way I act towards women - with the length in relationships issue, the somewhat passive attitude about initiating sex until it actually is initiated, etc. etc. - yea, that's all normal, nothing to really worry about.

If he likes having sex with you on a regular basis, he really likes you, at least, physically.

The hard thing is telling if he's really into you on the deepest level possible, soul to soul, that sort of thing - unfortunately, that's never clear from the start. However, if you can get a Scorpio guy hooked on the physical level, you're already more than halfway there.

The main thing is extreme patience, I can't emphasize that enough. Don't rush anything - seriously, anything. Just be cool, calm, collected, and show him you really care about him however you can. And give it time to unravel as it will...aside from sexual relationships, in just regular friendships, my closest friends, who I've known for 10 years or so, still really don't know me as I want to convey to them.

Basically, Scorpio guys are just too adept at keeping a firm hold on their emotions and not letting anything show on their sleeves. The only way to get us to fess up or confess to something is to catch us more than red handed, you have to catch us right in the act of doing something. These are just general things I'm saying, but hopefully this information isn't totally useless.

Also, if I were to bet, I'd say if you let him go at his own pace, your relationship would turn into much more than just a repeated booty-call. In fact, he probably most likely already thinks it's a lot deeper than that, but the lines for Scorpios can be blurred between going from casual sex to having sex in a committed relationship. Again, patience is key, or you're just wasting your time, trust me.
 
^ We are both Scorpios.....well, I am right on the border between Scorpio and Sagittarius (November 27). I hope you're right!
 
november 27 is sag. the border is the 21. my birthday is also nov 27 ^.^

imo the sign of both your venus' and moons will also explain a lot

scorpio's tend to be hella private, but actions speak louder than words.

sag's tend to be impatient/impulsive, so chances are if you just chill you'll be fine.
 
I think you guys are already just labeled as friend with benefits. Although it pains me to say this because i am always the type to end up believing that the guy will change for me, i don't believe that there are any REAL feelings
 
Illyria99 said:
Anyway, I've found that when you fuck a guy right after you meet him, that's it. :(
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unfortunately this holds true- i've had to tell lots of female friends that this is true. the problem is instant sex makes it seem like you have no self control and relationships require self control hence you now fall into the category of instant pleasure toy and its hard to break out of that mold
 
queenbee1127 said:
Okay, I meant this more as "guys are clueless", not necessarily stupid. If he really has never been in a serious relationship then I'm hoping that's the reason for his lack of initiative.
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I was going to leave this thread alone, but I've got to speak up here. Guys are clueless?

A typical female theme is "I'm going to play hard to get so that I don't come off as a whore. Man, why doesn't he take the initiative?"
It's as if we're forced to play a game and not allowed to know the rules beforehand, and then there is ensuing frustration because we're doing a bad job.

I won't say anything all week, but as soon as 11 o'clock Friday night comes and I've had a few drinks, I want to fuck.


Perhaps he's too clueless to figure out whether or not he should follow your empty precedent or your real desire ( You know, the thing that you haven't communicated to him )
 
^ I get what you're saying, and I don't want to play that game anymore. What I'm asking is, is he even interested enough for it to be worth saying something to him about it. This guy confuses the shit out of me.
 
queenbee1127 said:
^ I get what you're saying, and I don't want to play that game anymore. What I'm asking is, is he even interested enough for it to be worth saying something to him about it. This guy confuses the shit out of me.
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Communication rules the nation, baby

Express your desire for his affections on a deeper level, and see how he reacts. Just ask him if he'd be into it.
 
pofacedhoe said:
unfortunately this holds true- i've had to tell lots of female friends that this is true. the problem is instant sex makes it seem like you have no self control and relationships require self control hence you now fall into the category of instant pleasure toy and its hard to break out of that mold
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Sorry but have to disagree! one 1-night stand I had turned into a marriage of 5.5 years. Another into a 2.5 years LTR.

It's all about the way you carry yourself and how you communicate what you want. I have no hangups about my sexuality so no shame about just wanting sex. Also if I really fell for a guy I make it clear too.

OP, doesn't sound like you have feelings for him either. Sounds like a 100% perfect FWB situation. You're rebounding so probably need someone to obsess over, but he's laid back and this is a great way to have your needs met while you recover and re-learn to be single. What's the problem here??? Are you just reluctant to admit to yourself that this is all you want and you have to make it out like he's using you?
 
I told him that I need things I don't think he's willing to give me - he says "sorry, I don't know what that means" - so I said I need attention and effort.....he just completely ignored it and begged me to take a cab to him to spend the night.

So... That's the way it is.
 
^ this is the second time I've indicated that I'm looking for more than just undefined, casual sex. If he doesn't get the hint by now, I'm not sure there's anything else I can (or want) to do to make it any clearer.

You really think saying I need attention and effort is vague?
 
Well... it's waaay more vague than saying "I'm looking for more than just undefined, casual sex".

But are you SURE you really want a LTR with him, or is it just that you're not used to being single and like the idea of having a boyfriend?
 
I like the idea of having a boyfriend, but I don't even know if I want to date this guy. I just want him to put in a little effort and call me, or initiate something. Something that shows he's not only into me when he's inside me.
 
Well you sound pretty vague to me tbh. You don't actually know what you want from him, you don't necessarily want to date him, you're not necessarily that into HIM but you demand some sort of a declaration of how much he's into you. Isn't begging you to come over enough demonstration that he wants to see you? Isn't the fact that he wants sex, and you want sex, and you enjoy each other's company good enough for you? Gosh. I'm a woman and sometimes I totally get why men find us confusing.

My only advice to you would be to stop trying to fit things into boxes or telling people how they should behave. Doesn't sound like this guy has done anything wrong, and you're very inconsistent re what you want from him. If you can't enjoy your arrangement in the way it currently is, if you're going to try over-complicating or picking holes in what sounds like a lovely uncomplicated FWB situation I suggest you let him go before you drive both of you crazy x
 
i'm a man. you don't sound vague to me.

the guy isn't willing to provide you what you want. move on.
 
I feel a big part of your picture here is that you just got out of a four year relationship. I just got out of a five year relationship and I feel as if you may be rushing things a bit. I know how much it sucks to get your lovin' on for so long and then to have that love well run dry. it's a metaphorical shotgun blast to the face, if there ever was one, you follow me?

it sounds like you like this guy. shit, that ain't a crime. and if you look half as good as I remember, he is one lucky fella

to get to the point - just ask him how he feels about taking the relationship to the next level. it sucks, I'm sure, to be the lady in the relationship and to initiate such, but some guys just gotta be initiated - and he sounds like one of those type of guys
 
He came over and spent the night on Tuesday. I asked him if he liked having sex with me and he replied of course, how could you think that I don't? And I said well, you never ever call me, it's always me. He denied it and tried to say that he does, which I just told him straight up wasn't true. I told him that I need him to call me sometimes and love on me a little bit so I don't feel like such a slut - he laughed and was like you're not a slut - and reiterated that he's not sleeping with anyone else. I'm not either.

The sex was good, probably better than usual. When he left in the morning he said I'll see you soon (which he always says) and "I'll call you this weekend, I know you're pissed at me that I never call". So now I just have to wait...
 
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Many guys are clueless. I suggest you discover who you are and what you want in a man. If you really do your homework, you will be able to accept or reject a man in twenty minutes. I read a book long ago titled, 'marriage in 20 minutes' or something like that. The main topic was defining what you want in a partner, regardless the relationship. For example; Reject a smoker if that is something you do not want. Think hard. your list should be long and include 'must haves' and 'have nots.' BEST WISHES!
 
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