Heroin Questions

[NeverSayDie]

Hi all. I'm new, not good at forums, and generally a lurker here. Additionally, I'm beside myself with grief. I recently lost my brother to "suicide", though I'm not really sure and am awaiting an autopsy report.

My point is, I'm learning more and more about his activity prior to death and have some questions that I hope to God someone(s) with moderate heroin experience can answer, just to get my mind wrapped around some much needed answers.

This is solely to give me ideas as to his activity prior to his death:

1) Does or did heroin use ever make you depressed? Suicidal? Enraged? What negative feelings did you associate with its use?

2) Does or did heroin withdrawal/dopesick ever make you suicidal?

3) If "working" and bringing a "load", how much product and its worth would you figure?

4) Is it normal to accrue a huge debt with a dealer, to the point of being threatened?

5) If you were hauling or working, what is the liklihood that someone within the job could steal the product or funds and cause a larger entity to want to take your life?

Please don't be afraid to answer. It stays here. I'm not sure if he shot himself or someone shot him. It's unclear at this point. I know he used Heroin. I know he went on a trip to "make some money". Something, but I'm not sure what, went wrong on that trip. Afterward, he went off to rehab far away- he did that as an escape from trouble, not the first time, he got rid of his vehicle at a scrap yard, had a detective leaving messages wanting to talk to him, changed phones and laid low. He had threatening messages from a dealer in his phone, one of which indicated someone was in his driveway. I don't know Heroin and its mechanics. I figure it was either murder or suicide with a huge debt or a side effect of Heroin being the main reason. I just need to know in my own mind what has went on. I feel that I cannot go on at this point, and I'm so confused and depressed that death would be kind. Thank you in advance for any enlightenment or ideas.

 

[RTrain]

Sorry for the loss, I'll give you some answers the best I can:

1. Using heroin works as a antidepressant, so no, no, and no. Negative feelings would be mostly dependence related, knowing you need to keep using or you'll end up sick. Aside from that constipation and apathy in one's social and professional life are pretty common. Also it has wreaked havoc on me financially.

2. For me, no. It does cause me serious depression, which is common, but I do not get suicidal. But I just don't have any suicidal thoughts as it is, someone who does suffer from them will likely see them greatly exacerbated by heroin withdrawal. And heroin withdrawal can most certainly cause suicidal thoughts for someone even if they never had them before.

3. I am not really sure what is being asked here, but my best guess is answering it would be against the site rules.

4. No because no dealer with half a brain will let you run up a huge debt with them. They are not stupid, they won't give you enough rope to hang yourself.

5. When dealing drugs there are all sorts of potentially dangerous situations. I am not 100% sure about this question's meaning, but if you are saying "someone got fronted product, product was stolen, they couldn't pay back the fronter", well yes that could happen and be a big issue for the fronted person if they are just doing small time "work" to fund their habit. In that case I wouldn't think the funds would be large enough to justify taken someone's life, but that is a subjective matter, minds can't be read.

 

[bennyZA]

1. The heroin itself never made me suicidal but when contemplating life choices and analyzing my use I would often think of intentionally overdosing to end the whole miserable cycle of poverty, food and shelter insecurity, constant legal ramifications, and destruction of relationships.

2. No, though it does tie in with the answer to question 1

3. ?

4. Not really, like Rtrain said no dealer would keep fronting you with no end in sight. Maybe if it was 1 very large package, but in reality no dealers really front large sums of money to junkies

5. Entirely possible, whenever large amounts of unregulated cash is being exchanged there is bound to be some very serious repercussions.

 

[Gratuitous Grace]

I'm so sorry for your incredible loss, OP. And I understand the desperation for answers. I could try to answer these questions for you -- and those answers would read much as the previous posters' answers do. But, are you sure that a BL consensus on some generalized questions is really going to bring you the peace that you want/need? I would encourage you to wait for the autopsy report -- for whatever authority it's worth. And I say that having had the experience of trying to piece together a loved one's suspicious death in a way similar to the way you're approaching this. It didn't work for me. It didn't answer any of the real questions. It just raised more of them. Again, I'm so sorry that your brother got caught up in such a nasty business. This is misery for so many people. And when that's brought to mind -- through things like your post -- we remember people like your brother who didn't deserve what he got. My deep condolences.

 

[NeverSayDie]

I appreciate every response. I just need to clear up some things in my mind before I can grieve appropriately. The "load" question was about if somone was bringing enough to supply a dealer, how much money worth and how much product- but I don't want to go against forum rules.

Gratuitous Grace, thank you for your heartfelt comments.

 

[RTrain]

Well I don't think #3 there is a question that if answered will help shed any light on what happened, so I wouldn't worry about it. I'll say this, the media often portrays heroin as a cheap drug that is only used by skells and inner city gangsters. Its by no mean either of those things. Granted it can be obtained on the black market (not the website 8) ) for less than prescription opiates, but its hardly a cheap high, especially for addicts who have jacked up tolerances.