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Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

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I sometimes manage to chip for a few months successfully and it's always great at first. I get real nice and high like I did in the old days but before I know it I'm starting to get sick again and then I catch a habit , but oh well. I know Ill probably go for another run again eventually but I just need a break for a bit . Get my body back in shape , the Wd's really take it out of me.

But I'm feeling pretty good at the moment , so all's well for now :)
 
I think one of my biggest problems is the boredom: it's friday night - normally I would be lining up my schedule, now I am sitting here - thinking about. I am also waiting out these w/ds - they suck can't believe how long methadone takes to get out of you :(. But life goes on, when my tolerance is back low enough I don't see myself not trying to use casually. Just being upfront about it.
 
It's a really tough habit to break , you gotta love that immediate gratification =D

I would honestly be bored on a friday then out fucking up again , it's getting pretty old for me

I just can't control myself well with it
 
I always snap out of it when something drastic changes in my life. Like I'd go to jail or end up in a psych ward. And after the Wd I'd stay clean for awhile until I forgot about all the pain I put myself through and I'd get high again. And I keep repeting this cycle every single year and it's so stupid. Every time I sober up I catch a glimpse of what it's like to be normal. and I fuck it up all over again. But tripping once a month always helps me alot , LSD opens my eyes a little wider.
 
Cosmic Charlie said:
I always snap out of it when something drastic changes in my life. Like I'd go to jail or end up in a psych ward. And after the Wd I'd stay clean for awhile until I forgot about all the pain I put myself through and I'd get high again. And I keep repeting this cycle every single year and it's so stupid. Every time I sober up I catch a glimpse of what it's like to be normal. and I fuck it up all over again. But tripping once a month always helps me alot , LSD opens my eyes a little wider.
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yeah I know this is def not harm reduction lol, but: Ive always found that as long as I can line up some legit mdma pills it can really take the edge off - esp with the right company. I hear you on the psych ward bro - been section 12 a handful of times, everytime I was speedballing and those days become nights... nights become days .. and boom you wake up learning you got dragged outta your house by the cops and a week later you are in some random luney tunes house :(
 
shoolameet said:
This is how I feel about it. I tell myself I can't stop, but then I remember it's really that I don't want to stop.
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I can stop for periods, I don't really see why not using is such a great thing. I think this is why I am more focussed on the harm reduction of it all, and not thinking "Oh this time it's for good" - I'd rather be honest with myself.
 
Actually i have no desire to quit I love it too much... But listen to this..


It seems everytime i feel like im getting physically dependent i stop for a few days to go through some very mild withdrawal then begin use again... and my tolerance is super low again....


Right now i have 1 year supply of opiates (suboxone, methadone, oxy's) BUt i choose not to take them everyday and take several days off... go through easy withdrawal then start again and repeat

This makes no sense to me an addict controlling use.... is this possible or am i kidding myself?

I dont know i kinda like being withdrawal because its like going from a negative 10 feeling to positive 10 when i finally do opiates again
 
theartofwar said:
Do you think it's possible to have been full blown addict for years and then ever use rec wise once in awhile again? Serious question - I know you are trying to help out here, I'm curious as to what you / any others think.
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No I guess my post wasn't very clear, I was trying to talk them out of the idea of trying to use just once. It is impossible for a former junkie to go back to using just once a month, or even once a year. Just doesn't work like that unfortunately :(
 
jigsawpuzzlepiece said:
No I guess my post wasn't very clear, I was trying to talk them out of the idea of trying to use just once. It is impossible for a former junkie to go back to using just once a month, or even once a year. Just doesn't work like that unfortunately :(
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I agree - but I still can't seem to stay away from those waters, I still believe it's a matter of how often / how much (harm reduction) after a matter of time and experience with opiates (or any drug). I'm doing a good job at tricking myself I think :(
 
Just checking back in, I don't recall if my relapse 6 months ago was posted in this thread or the last, but regardless I'm roughly 6 months clean off of heroin now.

Last time I made it to 9 months before giving in to some intense cravings, but the strange (and awesome) part about this time around is that I haven't had any cravings whatsoever. At least not since I got over the PAWS of my last relapse.

Personally, I think it has to do with me setting realistic goals for myself as a drug user. When I quit the first time, I went the AA route and stayed abstinent from everything until the cravings got so bad that I just went balls-to-the-wall with dope again 9 months later. This time around, I still go out drinking with my friends on the weekends and have been to a couple of raves in the last few months (where I've done E, obviously).

I really believe not forcing myself to be abstinent from all drugs is what keeps me in the shallow waters of drug use in general. Trying to stay completely clean seems to make me want to jump off into the deep end eventually.

Definitely no heroin/opiates for me though, I've proven to myself time and time again that I can't handle those (my definite DOC) in any kind of "moderation". 6 months opiate free! :D
 
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