Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

[QuasiStoned]

Throw out your pods to show yourself you're really committed. Instead of a car you should be thinking about saving up for the dentist, then a car. Priorities man, priorities. You're like the 3rd addict that's said how much better it gets. I know an ex-BLr that used to be really into dope and then pods, methadone, etc..he suddenly detoxed and has been clean for 2 years now. He told me if I think the first 30 days are good, try the first 90, then the first 365, etc... The flow of endorphines and such need to be naturally re-regulated to pre-opiate use..that takes some time...years even. The rule of thumb is 2 years, but everyone is different, obviously. Think of all your opiate receptors as caves...the opiates created extra caves that shouldn't exist and you're now having to make up for them in the meantime..just hang in there..fuck MMT/BMT...i've been in both extensively..I relapsed on pods on father's day..you can search through here if you want and find my "Pod ER OD" thread...I relapsed when I got out of the ICU twice, but since have been clean and don't really crave anymore. There's just that general feeling and ansiness, you know? It gets easier each day though. They key imo is to STAY BUSY....a job is a great thing for an ex-addict to have. Unlike AA/NA, I don't believe in the whole "you're a junkie the rest of your life even if you never use again"...sure you're more susceptable to more problems than newbs but if you're clean you're clean, you know?

I guess I'm just "sick of being sick"...sick of needing a crutch... sick of having no money, no real friends, etc (although when you get clean many a friends may start comming back into your life..or maybe that was your problem in the first place, or part of the problem..the "friends" you had/people you hung with and got all doped up with), etc.

If you find yourself getting stressed to where you want to use badly, go for a run! It works pretty well..seriously...go out for a walk in nature...do something other than dwell on how "fun and nice" opiates are....in the end all they are is shit. I like to think of abusing them as "zombie auto-pilot/conscious subliminal suicide".... Opiates are for people that don't want life but instead the darkness...fuck the darkness...you can have all the darkness you want when you die.. (har har)

Good luck btw and stay strong

Thanks for the advice Memphis. Unfortunately I still have not gotten sick enough of the poppies to kick them 100% yet, I went back to using after I got a job and passed my pre-employment drug test. But just having a job again gives me something to do besides being mopey and bored all the time. That seems to do wonders for how much I think about the pods.

My problem is that I have physical pain issues that have I have never been able to get addressed properly with a doctor. All of my teenage life the only thing that I have wanted is to be able to walk around pain free and live life day by day without having anxiety worrying about how much pain I might be in today. When I get done with a shift at work and my legs are aching so badly that I can't get it off my mind then the only cure I know for that is a cup of tea.

Ever since the first moment that I started using poppies I knew that this was the wrong way to go about solving my pain issues. I knew that they were addictive but right from the get go I did not set any rules to limit my use and I was addicted within the first 2 weeks after I blew through my first box of poppies. When the withdrawals were worse than I was prepared for, I immediately ordered more and used for 3 months before my first withdrawal.

It's tough once you get ingrained into the lifestyle. I hate the withdrawals and I hate this drug for all of the negative influence it has put into my life, but when the chips are down and the withdrawals fade I still don't want to be without my beloved crutch. It sounds fucked up but I guess that's addiction in a nutshell. It's FUCKED.

In a more positive light, I am working almost 40 hours next week so I can start to climb out of the hole I dug for myself when I got fired from my job.

Seriously though, thanks for the well thought out response you offered. I appreciate the time you took and I know that a lot of time in falls upon deaf ears when it comes to addiction, but I have taken to heart a lot of it. Deep down I have to believe that I want something better for myself than being single and enjoying the company of opiates only.

 

[QuasiStoned]

hey all.

it's been a minute but i just wanted to let everyone know that i am clean now for 4 and a half months.

i'm living in a recovery home and doing really well. i got me a sponsor and everything overall, things are pretty great.

Hey KC, I remember you from the OD social. I am really glad to hear that things are going well. Take care of yourself and keep the forward progress going!!

 

[OntarioGuy]

Im currently tapering off Morphine with the help of my family doctor.He is helping me after the local methadone clinic cut me off cold turkey from 90 mg/day.

I used short acting opiates for about 2 weeks until I could get in to see him,but when I did I got a prescription for 3x200 mg MS Contin per day,Im now down to 3x100 mg tablets and 1x60 mg tabs a day.This coming Tuesday I will be switching the 60 mg tablet to a 30 mg tablet,then after another week just three 100 mg tablets.

In the last 5 years I've been prescribed Methadone,Oxycontin,Dilaudid,Hydormorph Contin and Fentanyl.

I used to suffer from chronic pain,but it has been corrected by 2 surgeries which is why I am tapering down.

I hope to get off and no longer be a slave to opiates.

 

[Carl Landrover]

Just Checkin' In

Over 4 weeks clean again.

School starts tomorrow, 5 minutes away from a decent spot.

Little nervous about it. Things are going alright other than that.

 

[gameace12]

I've been on opiates for pain since I was apx eight to ten years old and I'm twenty now. I'm attempting to clean myself up, but from reading through other people have it a HELL of a lot worse then I do. I know what a bitch it was when I had to do cold turkey for not quite a week and I can't even begin to imagine how bad others had it!


Within a week I plan to be 100% clean of all benzos and opiates. I cut down from apx 90-180 mg of Morphine ER a day, along with 40-80 mg of Opana ER, and when I had them 2-5mg of Xanax a day.... and uhh 10-60mg of OXY-IR. ( Xanax and oxy-ir was for around 3-7 days a month until I ran out ) Today I took apx. 7mg of Morphine ER which is literally around a fourth of a pill so I'm pretty happy. ( PS I tapered off over around a month by myself not using methadone or something similar. )

I have two questions, I'm not sure if I should ask here or not. I think everyone knows that cloudy kind of feeling you get in your head from the opiates after a while. I've cut down to literally over a tenth of what I was taking and it got even worse. Is it some kind of imbalance because of the chemicals being released much more then normal over the years? Is it just in my head or what?


My second question being I'm having really bad insomnia now, not being able to sleep for a day or two but not withdrawal type of insomnia with restless legs etc. I just can't sleep no matter how tired I am, and after I do sleep when I wake up I still feel like I haven't slept at all. Is this something in my head or just a chemical imbalance type thing from the opiates for so long?

 

[QuasiStoned]

I have two questions, I'm not sure if I should ask here or not. I think everyone knows that cloudy kind of feeling you get in your head from the opiates after a while. I've cut down to literally over a tenth of what I was taking and it got even worse. Is it some kind of imbalance because of the chemicals being released much more then normal over the years? Is it just in my head or what?

It might just be the withdrawals and/or your body getting used to a lack of opiates that is causing you to feel kind of cloudy. When I am withdrawing at work I have a very difficult time focusing on what I am doing.

My second question being I'm having really bad insomnia now, not being able to sleep for a day or two but not withdrawal type of insomnia with restless legs etc. I just can't sleep no matter how tired I am, and after I do sleep when I wake up I still feel like I haven't slept at all. Is this something in my head or just a chemical imbalance type thing from the opiates for so long?

This is one of the most frustrating withdrawal symptoms IMO. You feel like shit and no matter what you do you cannot escape it, not even to sleep. Then, even after the withdrawals have mostly blown over, you still can't sleep for shit. It's pretty standard, you are not alone. It takes a while but it does eventually normalize, it's just pretty slow.

 

[shoolameet]

I am not really sure if this is the right place for this, so if it needs to be moved or deleted let me know.
Lately I have kinda developed a bit of a bad oxy habit- I have been snorting about 30mg-60mg a day for about 2 weeks. This is the first time I have ever abused opiates. I have also been taking a lot of dxm before my doses. Is the dxm going to help me not have bad withdrawals or is it going to be hell when I stop?
When I started I was only dosing once a day and now I am dosing 2-3 times a day. I keep telling myself "today is the last day I am going to use," but then tomorrow comes and I crave it so badly and end up using. I don't even really know if I want to stop or not, which really scares me.

 

[placid space]

Nobody really wants to stop in the beginning when everything is still peachy. With 2 weeks in you are still not that far in that you have much to worry about regarding the w/d. But seriously with EACH day now the w/d will be worse.
You have lots of good topics about w/ding. I do not know about dxm and w/d. In your case I dont think you need it really if you quit now. And do not go on such long binges. Stick to max. 1 week if you must keep using.
And this time, Id suggest you to quit today. Make sure you do not have any oxys lying around. If you find the w/d too uncomfortable take on day 1 10mg to sleep, day 2 nothing except perhaps 10mgs to sleep again and then quit altogether and try being clean for a while. good luck and be careful, read other people's experience with oxy. Try not to be stupid and blindly become another "sheep" and become addicted

 

[shoolameet]

yea, i have been trying to read up as much as possible. Thanks so much for that, it was really helpful!
Also, I have really been using for about a month total, but in the beginning I wasn't using as much or as often; the last two weeks was when it really increased.

 

[placid space]

I still dont think it is going to be that much of a problem. Just leave yourself 20 mgs or so to taper off in two days and youll be fine. The worst problem for me regarding w/d is the depression. And youve been only using for a month or two weeks more intensly. That is not that much. But with each week the depression becomes more and more intense and It is just so much more difficult to quit. So try everything you can to remain a recreational user. I have been a recreational user/chipper for hmm 6 years, maybe more until I started developing a more serious habit. So really, I know people need to learn for themselves (which is sad), be careful and never ever start thinking you have it under control. It can spiral out of control so quickly.

 

[shoolameet]

yea, the biggest reason i crave it is because i feel anxious and depressed without it.
i was chipping successfully for a few months, but I recently gained more access to oxys, so I started using more.

 

[ranimal]

You know, most of us have a choice (physically disabled an exception perhaps), but we go ahead do the opiates/opioid in the required amount to feel better temporarily. Maybe we do the more than the minimum amount so we can get 'high'.Even though we know it's going to be that little bit harder to feel well later-on. We know, going to get some excercise in some form - especially even a group sport is going to be a lot more fun and fulfilling for us, but we do the drug instead.

What the fucks our problem. Are we just lazy?

 

[slackboxed]

Well I know not too many people remember my heroin or opiate stories. I lived in NC for a long time and I got really bad on heroin for awhile. Probably around 16 months of doing a half gram to a gram a day to an 8th a day. Whatever I could get my hands on. I could get the best compressed brick dope and powdered dope money could buy.

Talking about this shit is pissing me off though. I just moved to NY, about an hour north of Long Island. I came up here with about 4 grams, and I zoomed through that in about a week and a half. I don't know anyone up here. I'm clean now for about five or six days. I'm really proud of myself for that because I did it with out benzos or subs or any sort of substitute drug. I usually take subs and benzos when I take breaks but I didn't bring that shit up here and I don't have connects. I'm looking for some friends up here because kicking dope alone sucks.

Misery loves company.

Anyone looking to chill? I know there's gotta be some bluelighters in my area.

 

[theartofwar]

Clean 2 months after 6 years of heavy use, want to use everyday, having a chronic pain situation has amplified this entire situation so much. I haven't touched the stuff yet, but, it is always a problem. I got clean hoping that I would never want to use again - the fact is that the farther away I get the more I think "I can use a low dose on weekends / party" - that's how it always starts and I've been digging that rabbit hole for what seems my whole life. I hate being a fucking junkface.

 

[Miss Hollywood]

My birthday is tomorrow! So how does a "recovering" junkie celebrate getting older?

You guessed it!Goin and coppin some dope!LOL!Which is what I did yesterday!

I wanted to go and cop today instead so the dope would last me until my actual birthday but since I have to take a million damn buses to get to the hood and back and my best friend is supposed to pick me up today to stay the weekend at his house which is an hour or so away from me,so I wanted to go and score and get it done yesterday so we wouldn't have any problems meeting up.Plus I just really wanted the dope yesterday and couldn't wait another day to get it!I've been craving for MONTHS!And have been broke as a joke,and my birthday was a way for me to get money for it!

So,now I have about 2 hits left.I'll probally finish it before my friend even comes and picks me up.Sucks that I wont have any for later but at the same time his boyfriend is out of prison on parole and is all fuckin paranoid about shit so he's like "Don't have ANYTHING like in your purse or bags...make sure its ON YOU like in your underwear or something!"

That statement made me laugh so hard cuz it just showed me how gay my best friend REALLY FUCKING IS!He knows nothing about a pussy what so ever to not know that YOU CAN'T JUST PUT DOPE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR IF YOUR A GIRL BECAUSE IT'S A PLACE THAT STAYS MOIST!LOL!Not to mention I don't plan on sticking any of my needles up my cooch or my ass just to give his dumb ass boyfriend piece of mind.I mean I understand his situation,I'm on probation myself...but the dude gets prescribed Fent patches and Lortabs like candy.And that just makes me kinda hate him just a lil bit!LOL!

Anywho,I'd rather do my dope in the comforts of my own home rather than ruin it on the way to his house!

Love my best friend to death,but man is that mother fucker gay and sometimes dumb as a doornail!LOL!

:D

 

[theartofwar]

My birthday is tomorrow! So how does a "recovering" junkie celebrate getting older?

You guessed it!Goin and coppin some dope!LOL!Which is what I did yesterday!

I wanted to go and cop today instead so the dope would last me until my actual birthday but since I have to take a million damn buses to get to the hood and back and my best friend is supposed to pick me up today to stay the weekend at his house which is an hour or so away from me,so I wanted to go and score and get it done yesterday so we wouldn't have any problems meeting up.Plus I just really wanted the dope yesterday and couldn't wait another day to get it!I've been craving for MONTHS!And have been broke as a joke,and my birthday was a way for me to get money for it!

So,now I have about 2 hits left.I'll probally finish it before my friend even comes and picks me up.Sucks that I wont have any for later but at the same time his boyfriend is out of prison on parole and is all fuckin paranoid about shit so he's like "Don't have ANYTHING like in your purse or bags...make sure its ON YOU like in your underwear or something!"

That statement made me laugh so hard cuz it just showed me how gay my best friend REALLY FUCKING IS!He knows nothing about a pussy what so ever to not know that YOU CAN'T JUST PUT DOPE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR IF YOUR A GIRL BECAUSE IT'S A PLACE THAT STAYS MOIST!LOL!Not to mention I don't plan on sticking any of my needles up my cooch or my ass just to give his dumb ass boyfriend piece of mind.I mean I understand his situation,I'm on probation myself...but the dude gets prescribed Fent patches and Lortabs like candy.And that just makes me kinda hate him just a lil bit!LOL!

Anywho,I'd rather do my dope in the comforts of my own home rather than ruin it on the way to his house!

Love my best friend to death,but man is that mother fucker gay and sometimes dumb as a doornail!LOL!

:D

I already have a stock pile of shit for my bday lol - it's weird, because I haven't touched it but I sure count every fucking day till it comes!!!!!!!!!! LOL @ stick it in your underwear - glad you know whats up lol.

 

[jigsawpuzzlepiece]

How can you guys be stock piling opiates for your birthday? That is an accident waiting to happen. Please be safe and don't let it go past that one day! I know ya'll have been working hard so far, don't throw it all away with a bad relapse.

 

[theartofwar]

How can you guys be stock piling opiates for your birthday? That is an accident waiting to happen. Please be safe and don't let it go past that one day! I know ya'll have been working hard so far, don't throw it all away with a bad relapse.

Do you think it's possible to have been full blown addict for years and then ever use rec wise once in awhile again? Serious question - I know you are trying to help out here, I'm curious as to what you / any others think.

 

[cosmic charlie]

Not really I always fall back into a full on habit again eventually

Ive been using heroin since I was 17 and im about to be 25 soon

Most of those years I was either sick or halfway comatosed

Being a junkie sucks ass , I got another two weeks clean today though

 

[theartofwar]

Not really I always fall back into a full on habit again eventually

Ive been using heroin since I was 17 and im about to be 25 soon

Most of those years I was either sick or halfway comatosed

Being a junkie sucks ass , I got another two weeks clean today though

I'm in a similar deal, 23 used for 6 years - I guess my thought is waiting out the opiate tolerance and doing a lower dose, obviously this will not work if you slip up more than once or twice, but what can I say - I hate being a junkie as well bro