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Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

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Shoulda been clearer I am using sub to get off heroin. I started with 6mg, then dropped to 4mg the next few days, now I am at 1mg and I want to go down to .5mg and then stop altogether sometime this week.
 
I live in Colorado myself and go to a methadone clinic. I see people brining their kids in with them to dose all the time. The dosing nurse will even give the kids water in the same cups the methadone is given in (they are just paper cups) to make the kids more comfortable. I don't think they would do anything about your kids if you happened to relapse unless something really bad happened. I know some of the people with kids are even still using. I would be happy to answer any other questions you have about my experiences with methadone in Denver.
 
Tinkie- I tried to send you an email with the specifics since I don't think we are allowed to put names/places on the boards. If you didn't get it then please let me know and we can figure something out.
 
Last monday i had my first experience with opiates (100mcg fentanyl, i.v and 2 ampoules of 10 mgs Nalbuphine). Here in Brazil it's almost impossible to score that kind of stuff. It was a great experience! But i don't think i'm going to use it anymore. The rush is to good to be true!
thats why i won't mess with opiates anymore. Don't need another type of drug to crave for.
 
They can pretty much be dangerous to any person since they act on fundamental parts of the brain and reward pathways and such. Its scary how quickly continued and self-justified use can become a subconscious thing.
 
I've been clean from oxy/heroin for almost 2 weeks and feel almost normal again...But this weekend I'm tempted to go back to the needle. I'm not sure why...Maybe its the physical addiction taking over, maybe I just miss it...All I know is I really don't want to start another binge cycle...
 
I really wanted it tonight.

I could have gotten away with it.

I actually tried.

It didn't happen and I'm glad.

Almost made 78 days go back to 0 and would have been breaking all sorts of promises.


Oy, things are bad, some cravings to ease the stress/situation

Things are good and under control, want something to relax...things are going good, why not feel great?


Hard to get away from those types of thoughts.

*End rambling*
 
Sucks that it seems like no matter how long you've been clean you have to be so fucking careful of your train-of-thought cause all it takes is a split-second decision to use and that drive is RIGHT back there as if it had never left. I think we all know that point, and the chances of talking yourself back out of it aren't great.

Good thing it didn't pan out for your Carl Landrover. I feel that breaking contact with any direct connections to opiates and even indirect connections such as friends is crucial for the early stages of recovery. By breaking contact I don't just mean losing the number, I mean make SURE somehow that these dealers won't want to serve you anymore. Use your imagination there are several things I can come up with that wouldn't cause harm to anyone. Beyond that, you could move to a totally different area.
 
Been getting really into heroin again lately but I'm starting to ween off this week. I was doing about 6 bags a day for the last month or so. It's funny how I tell myself Im only gonna use once and end up back another run again. I just lost my job today so the money is gonna come to a halt within the next few weeks.

I'm kinda glad I don't have to work because at least now I'll have some free time to get clean. I just gonna stop now because I'm gonna have to get sick soon anyways. I also met this chick and I dont want her to think of me as a junky so I'm gonna try and straighten up a bit.

Wish me luck :)
 
Yeah everyone has done the "I'll just do a little this once" thing... it sucks I don't know how I manage to forget that every single time I try that, the next day I am off to get more and it quickly turns into at least 1-2 weeks back on more likely 1-2 months. Blah :\
 
Yeah It's like I know I shouldn't do it again but I wake up the next day and wanna be high again so bad. I seriously fucking love heroin , it makes so happy while I'm high. Even though my world is fucked I could honestly care less. It makes floating through life so much more bearable. But it comes with a price and I'm getting pretty tired of paying it. Hopefully I can last the rest of the summer without dope , well see :\
 
I'll post more later, maybe I guess.

I relapsed.

I had been up all night snorting coke and around my 7am final lines decided that since I was going to be up more than 24 hours and 4 hours to be in work, I should smoke a bowl then drive around the city and try to cop.

Was discouraged and couldn't find anything. Saw "my girl". I'm eyeing her on the corner and she gets all excited, "I remember you! I got bundles!" She comes over, hops in, transaction soon completed.

I tried to imagine I didn't have my girlfriend and I didn't promise her or myself anything. I snorted it. Guilt overflow! Wasn't even that good, partially blocked by the sub, nose stuffy


I've got one unopened bag and 3 with little bumps in it. I know where to get spikes now. I want to be done, but I want to hold on to this to, for the right day, when I could just shoot it.

That seems stupid though. I don't know what to do.


End Rambling
 
^^^
Do not make more out of it than it is and make it all dramatic and stuff. This happens. I think its more important what you do now. Id leave needles alone. Just watch it, I remember you writing that youve been clean for quite a while. This little (so far) detour does not change that much really. Just dont start a binge
 
Sorry to hear about the relapse Landrover, but it doesn't have to be the end of your effort to become clean. You still have the same two choices as before. As for feeling guilty, I know how that is. You know your gf better than us, maybe you should tell her? It could be the wrong move though I don't know how she might react (over react?)
 
Carl Landrover said:
I'll post more later, maybe I guess.

I relapsed.

I had been up all night snorting coke and around my 7am final lines decided that since I was going to be up more than 24 hours and 4 hours to be in work, I should smoke a bowl then drive around the city and try to cop.

Was discouraged and couldn't find anything. Saw "my girl". I'm eyeing her on the corner and she gets all excited, "I remember you! I got bundles!" She comes over, hops in, transaction soon completed.

I tried to imagine I didn't have my girlfriend and I didn't promise her or myself anything. I snorted it. Guilt overflow! Wasn't even that good, partially blocked by the sub, nose stuffy


I've got one unopened bag and 3 with little bumps in it. I know where to get spikes now. I want to be done, but I want to hold on to this to, for the right day, when I could just shoot it.

That seems stupid though. I don't know what to do.


End Rambling
Click to expand...

eh no big deal man, you've just gone and did what 99.99% of all recovering addicts do at some point. But you proved to yourself that it's not worth it, right?

Now do the right thing and flush the rest of that shit, seriously. If you pick up that needle again it's going to be literally next to impossible to shrug off the opportunity to do more. It just doesn't work that way, and you know it as well as I do.
 
Well I did Oxy today, feel good but I'm just settin myself back in the long run, It's just that my girlfriend has been havin major cramps cuz she's on her period and some times they get real bad, and we are only slightly W/Ding, stopped like a week or so ago, used minimal amount of sub to get thru first 4 days, n used a few norcs after the subs to help the W/D, I was trying to stay away from OC cuz thats my DOC, then my GF went to the doctor today to try n get something because she had to leave work because her cramps were killin her, n since she's been "flagged" or whatever cuz she was treated for opiate addiction in the past and the doctor can see all that n shit she only got flexeril, its like she would have been happy with vicodin or something, the doctor thinks their helping you by not giving you narcotics but then in reality we have to go score some OC so she can have some relief, we dont have to, but we decided to do it "just for today" but I dont know that's gunna be hard, It just sucks cuz she would of been fine with vics but (since opiates weaker than OC are so hard to find) we have to get our drug of choice to have any type of relief, its either nothing or OC, it just sucks cuz now Im high and enjoying it, but if I would of had vicodin I'd just provide me with enough relief to get thru the day, Gah I dont know, quitting this shit is just so fucking hard, everyday is a living struggle, but thats what I chose to do, so whatever I guess I'll just enjoy my night off and be prepared for whatevers headin my way tomorrow, I just kind of wanted to vent that, thanks for reading...
 
Carl Landrover said:
I relapsed.
Click to expand...

Hang in there man. You are on the road to recovery and that is the important thing.

Relapses happen and, like eon_blue said, it's no big deal. Don't dwell on it too much and move on.

Two and a half months clean time is something to be proud of, and one lapse doesn't change that.
 
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