Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

[mrs_mia_wallace]

I took one hit today and somehow was able to stop..

Fuck.

 

[tylerwashere]

ive been using 200-250mg of oxy/roxicontin pretty much every day (its cheaper here) for the past 7 or 8 months. i desperately want to stop and i have a few scripts of suboxone (45 8mgs) but its the mental issue that is making it so hard.... im not sure what to do. i think the first thing to do it start cutting back

 

[Carl Landrover]

I wanted to evaluate my progress at 7 days, 10 days, 15 days, and 3 weeks to see if I actually felt better.

Well now got 15 full days under my belt, just checking in

Things would be dandy if it wasn't for some situational stuff (I just posted on the Vent Thread if anyone actually reads these)


Cool things I've noticed:

-Not AS stressed about money. Still sad over how much I've blown on heroin...but it's a hell of a lot easier to save a paycheck.

-Lips don't get chapped as easy

-Skin around my nose and lips doesn't get so dry

-My nose isn't stuffed up, I don't go through a box a tissues in a week, and I can smell things!

-I'm not coughing constantly and not coughing up mucus (as much, still feelin' some of that damage though)

-Running has gotten better

-My lows aren't so low and I'm not so emotional

-Don't have to worry about being arrested or robbed

-Don't have to feel guilty about using

-Not wasting a bunch of time [and gas] driving to the city or trying to cop or waiting for someone to call me back

-Thinking feels more clear

-I can actually feel optimistic/excited about the future



There's so many positives with not using and so many negatives with using for me at this point. I hope I don't forget this and I hope I can add to this list!

Hope everyone else is hanging in there!!!

 

[Pillthrill]

Fuck, lately although not when I'm with the bf, just when I'm feel bad...I could have killed for an opiate high. Nothing numbs away the pain like that shit. Tramadol. Antidepressant and the high used to be amazing. But sadly its lost its magic and it just acts like a stimulant. I kinda drive people crazy buzzing around and no shutting up on that stuff. And the look in my eyes is just unmistakable, to me at least. The next day was even strange at times, I would look into the mirror and those brown eyes...didn't belong to me. They weren't my eyes...strangest shit ever. Now, I'm out of pills all pills for oh until the first couple weeks of the month. But I'm gonna try out some MDPV for a change, see how that works out for me. I need something to get me up and around at work like Tram did. I can't use it around people like the bf or family, that would be a fucking disaster and a half. BF would get so pissed with me running around cleaning shit all "cracked out/buzzed" on Tram...

 

[Carl Landrover]

I wanted to evaluate my progress at 7 days, 10 days, 15 days, and 3 weeks to see if I actually felt better.

Meant to post last night, but I got off work late and just went to bed.

Anyways, last night was 3 weeks, so now that I'm a day late, I've been through 22 full days clean, now about 45 minutes into day 23.


Looking back at some other posts and thinking back to just 2 weeks ago, things are feeling/looking a lot better (knock on wood! ). For now things with my girlfriend are going well and things with my parents have cooled down a bit.

My mood has leveled out a lot, so I down feel so incredibly low/depressed during the day or as angry/edgy. The ups of the day feel better and better, but I personally feel suboxone partially blocks out natural happiness. Can't explain it scientifically, can't say it with any real certainty, just my personal opinion.

I'm on a low dose of sub though, so I'm not really feeling too many of the negatives. I do need more sleep though. Maybe that's a good thing right now.


Things are going well at the moment though! This is my longest away from H since sometime in October/November 2008.


How's everyone else doing? Hope everyone else is doing alright!

 

[qwe]

Fuck, lately although not when I'm with the bf, just when I'm feel bad...I could have killed for an opiate high. Nothing numbs away the pain like that shit. Tramadol. Antidepressant and the high used to be amazing. But sadly its lost its magic and it just acts like a stimulant. I kinda drive people crazy buzzing around and no shutting up on that stuff. And the look in my eyes is just unmistakable, to me at least. The next day was even strange at times, I would look into the mirror and those brown eyes...didn't belong to me. They weren't my eyes...strangest shit ever. Now, I'm out of pills all pills for oh until the first couple weeks of the month. But I'm gonna try out some MDPV for a change, see how that works out for me. I need something to get me up and around at work like Tram did. I can't use it around people like the bf or family, that would be a fucking disaster and a half. BF would get so pissed with me running around cleaning shit all "cracked out/buzzed" on Tram...

you could use around your bf if you took a dose that is just enough to get you normal right?

or are you not dependent yet?

that's sad that you can't be honest with your boyfriend. would he break up with you over drugs? or would he get too pushy about "trying to help"?

it seems like if you are able to control your use and use your script evenly over the month, things will get better... your addiction seems more on the binge- side than the dependency- side; could you, say, binge with weed instead? or do you need something that "ups" you

 

[monkeewater]

a true self of a junkie at THE war

I've been clean for a week now and I was a heavy user , but I just wanted to let it be something in my past. so I sold my suboxones, bought dope, got high, and quite while i was really high! and the next day, i started a new life! woke up smiling cuz I had made a big decision and NO MORE RELAPSE! well, been working out, for 2 hours a day, mainly cardio and taking mad vitamins and all. drink mad liquid and stay positive.

Once u lose a loved one, wake up next to someone blue, and spend allllll your savings for the past 3-4 years, well, it should hit u, if not, then say bye to life cuz at the end is just too dark. once a junkie, always a junkie. On the inside it is! on the outside I still am a 26 year old dude with a history of being addicted to all kinds of shit since i could remember holding the first cigg .oooohhhh i've come a longggg way and now, after only 7 days( the longest I've ever been sober at once. 3 days being the longest)well, u can not tell that I've been a junkie, not even when I open my mouth. there goes all the money and brain cells I flushed down the ... umm... don't get me wrong, I liked partying!! but now! >>> I am just gonna make money and keep brain cells from the nasty sticky stinky road of the doped mined dude.

bye dope, boy, junk, oh gosh cheese?!
hi 1981 vintage Merlot , sex drive and at least another 15-20 years before my HEP-C kills me.

byeeee

 

[Pillthrill]

you could use around your bf if you took a dose that is just enough to get you normal right?

or are you not dependent yet?

that's sad that you can't be honest with your boyfriend. would he break up with you over drugs? or would he get too pushy about "trying to help"?

it seems like if you are able to control your use and use your script evenly over the month, things will get better... your addiction seems more on the binge- side than the dependency- side; could you, say, binge with weed instead? or do you need something that "ups" you

I'm not dependent. Lucky me. crave pretty bad for the first few days when I go off it. But I went off it for 3 weeks. My bf knows that I DO need them for pain, but I abuse them too. I don't know if he is TOTALLY aware of that fact though. I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't break up with me over the pills.We have kinda made a promise to each other to seek the best for each other but if he doesn't give up on me I won't give up on him. I know it sounds a lil sappy but really honestly it does mean a hell fo a lot to us and we stick to it. Its a really wonderful thing.

I did get my barbs and codeine today. But I'm going to TRY hard not to do it around him because it bothers him.

 

[Carl Landrover]

If you're craving those few days you're already on your way.

It seems you have already have a strong mental/psychological addiction to them. Unless you use considerably less frequently, it's probably only going to get harder.


Today is day 28 for me, 27 full days prior to this without using (except for suboxone). I still got weed, but this is just focusing on the opiates.

Things definitely feel better. I was so proud that I got through all of work at the 2 jobs last week, the lawn mowing, and even went running 6 out of the 7 days and I didn't crave it. I guess I was too busy too, but usually a work week like that would have me justifying that I deserved it. I get all cash in my second job, I had earned more than enough for a bundle just at job 2, I was exhausted...the old me would have concluded that I earned the right to use.

I guess it's just about thinking differently.

 

[QuasiStoned]

^^^
Congrats Carl on the sobriety.

I've been waking up more and more and thinking to myself: "I really got to get this shit under control." I've been using poppy tea regularly for about a year now and even though my tolerance and addiction has not grown by leaps and bounds I'm tired of how sick I get when I'm not using.

It's all good when I'm high but when I'm deep in WD's it's terrible, so terrible.

 

[Georgie25]

I'd imagine poppy pod w/ds would be pretty bad. How are they and how long do they last compared with heroin w/ds?

 

[Miss Hollywood]

hey guys!its been awhile since i've checked in!i've been laptop-less for awhile but I got mine back now!

Well at lot has happened since I've been away.I relapsed just once,unfortunately it was too close to wednesday(which is the day I go to my suboxone doctor and get piss tested)and I failed my UA.I lied and said I had a toothache so I took a Vicodin,but I don't think my doctor believes me but whatever.So now he's insisting I need to go to inpatient but I told him thats fucking stupid cuz I've been clean for 6 months and had ONE relapse.He conciders this "relapse number 3" because when I first came there I was still smoking weed and havin a beer here and there because I knew I was about to get on probation for a year and be piss tested,so I was gonna have to quit smokin weed anyways.But he conciders the weed and beer a "relapse"so pissing dirty for opiates was "my 3rd strike" and if I want to stay on the program I have to get an "assesment" at this hospital and they will decide what is good for me at this point.I told him I would do an intensive outpatient program,but I'm not going to inpatient.HELL FUCKIN NO.

And the only reason I agreed to do outpatient is because being on his program is a "condition of my probation" and if I don't do inpatient or outpatient i'll be kicked off his program and it will be a violation of my probation.

So basically,I'm being FORCED to do all of this.I don't even want to be sober anymore.I really fuckin don't.I've been so depressed and suicidal that I had to be put on Celexa(anti-depressant)it's helped the depression and suicidal thoughts a bit but it's still been rough.Before I got put on Celexa all I could think about was putting a gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger...or ODing on dope.I'm sick of being stuck at my house with no job,no money,no car,and no friends.

I feel all this pressure from my parents,my doctor,probation/the law,and my own expectations of myself.I'm just fuckin sick of all this.I'm sick of pissing in cups,sick of it all.At this point the ONLY reason I'm sober is because I need to stay on this program and stay out of jail.I guess that should be a good enough reason to be sober,but some days its just not enough.

I got sober to change my life and to make it better,it hasn't gotten much better.

Sorry for the long post,and I don't like to bitch or complain.But I just really cant talk to anybody in my life about this.They just don't understand.

Thanks for listening guys!I've missed my bluelight friends!

PS.CONGRATS CARL ON YOUR SOBRIETY!Hang in there man!

 

[QuasiStoned]

I'd imagine poppy pod w/ds would be pretty bad. How are they and how long do they last compared with heroin w/ds?

First and foremost, there is an element of mystery to poppy pods. Nobody really seems to know how much morphine commercially grown dried poppy pods contain. I've seen people say that it HAS to be miniscule amounts, and still others saying that they could mantain large habits with it. I don't have any experience with other opiates (except for percocets way back when, and kratom for a while before I found poppies.

The only thing I can say is that about 10 large poppy pods is capable of giving me a decent opiate buzz. I take constant breaks to help keep the experience fresh and keep tolerance down a bit. Daily use of poppy tea wasn't very fun for me, lost the euphoria quite quickly.

Anyway, I wish I could compare the withdrawals to some other opiate, but truth be told I've never withdrawn from anything else. From what I understand, the biggest issue with them is that they are long lasting.

A good dose of poppy tea will keep me out of withdrawals for nearly 24 hours, then the yawning will usually begin. From there, they slowly increase in intensity. Diarrhea will usually begin around the 48 hour mark for me, as will the insomnia. I think that the peak of the withdrawal usually happens somewhere between the 48 hour and 72 hour mark, and the physical withdrawals seem to last somewhere around a 7 days. I think that heroin withdrawals would likely be more intense (considering equal doses, heroin can sustain a MUCH larger habit than poppy tea ever could) but shorter lasting.

I've quit for as long as 2 weeks before and still felt dead inside, but those were more or less PAWS

 

[SZodiac]

If you're craving those few days you're already on your way.

It seems you have already have a strong mental/psychological addiction to them. Unless you use considerably less frequently, it's probably only going to get harder.


Today is day 28 for me, 27 full days prior to this without using (except for suboxone). I still got weed, but this is just focusing on the opiates.

Things definitely feel better. I was so proud that I got through all of work at the 2 jobs last week, the lawn mowing, and even went running 6 out of the 7 days and I didn't crave it. I guess I was too busy too, but usually a work week like that would have me justifying that I deserved it. I get all cash in my second job, I had earned more than enough for a bundle just at job 2, I was exhausted...the old me would have concluded that I earned the right to use.

I guess it's just about thinking differently.

Well done Carl! Hope you keep that attitude and make it. Just remember that it's something you'll deal with for the rest of your life, BUT, the longer you're away from it the easier it becomes to stay that way.

 

[Carl Landrover]

Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement, it really does mean a lot!

It's nice to hear that people are glad to see you're doing better. My parents are supportive of me quitting and everything, but they NEVER talk about it. Even after the first time, where I had gone just shy of 18 months without H, I never even got a 'good job'.

My girlfriend has been incredibly supportive of me quitting. I can actually see how proud of me she is that it's been 5 full weeks now. We actually talk about it and I can actually be open with what's going on and how I'm feeling.

If I say anything to my parents their 3 responses are: ask your suboxone doctor, try anti-depressants, see a psychiatrist/psychologist. 8)


Well 5 weeks done. I still stress about money all the time, but it's nice not to have an incredible amount of guilt regarding the subject. I used to feel awful spending money the way I did on H.


Dope boy still texts me from time to time, seems like he's been shooting it a lot.

 

[Carl Landrover]

Few hours into day 43, over 6 weeks clean now.

Had a few cravings recently and have been feeling a little down. I think I miss the excitement of scoring/copping and preparing to get high and actually getting high. I also cut open the top of my head and had to get a few staples. Bruised a bone in my arm as well. I mentioned I was on suboxone and was only given tylenol at the hospital. Not sure if it was just junky justification or actually justified, but I did start craving dope or some sort of pain killer after that incident. Didn't do it, but my head still hurts.

Other than that, things are alright. Some crappy situational stuff, but it is easier to get by without having all the stress and time consumption that is involved in maintaining an addiction.

 

[eon_blue]

^^awesome, great to hear man. It's always good to see that you've bumped this thread with some good news

I haven't been keeping track day for day, but I'm at a few months clean from h now. I can relate to the kind of subtle cravings that tend to sneak up you. I've been getting the same thing lately, just minor "euphoric recalls" related to copping, preparation, the rush, etc. Which worries me a little because history has shown me that that's usually where it begins; a small craving somehow ends up snowballing into a full blown relapse

I've been doing good though to remember what happened after my relapse last time, everything I lost and how much it sucked to have to go through withdrawals again...putting it in perspective works.

Things still good with the g/f?

Keep it up man I'm sure I don't need to tell you how much better it is to not have to be constantly paranoid about "when is it all going to come crashing down on me", you know? That god awful feeling of impending doom you get when you're in the middle of a run Definitely do not miss that shit...

 

[taruofterror]

Hey BL, im pretty sure this is my first post. On day 2 of a year long heroin addiction, traded off from a hydrocodone/perc addiction.. On opiates more than 2 years now. Wife has no clue, friends think ive been off for a good month or so, so I dont really have anyone to go to with it. Im a 27 year old IT professional, and im seriously debating flipping my desk over and dragon punching my way out the door. Ive done WD's before, and every time they get worse. I go through WD for 4-5 days, score-relapse, binge, quit, WD for 3-4 days, etc etc.

I have an appt for sub treatment from Kaiser on this coming tues. I doubt I will make it that long sober.. If I was gonna be able to make 7 days cold turkey, I probably wouldnt need suboxone.

So. yeah. sucks.

 

[rathersilly]

I've been silly, very silly... With a long history of painkiller abuse (was living in a country where strong stuff was available OTC, cheap), I started playing with heroin about four months ago. Haven't shot it, no intention to whatsoever (yes yes, everybody says that), and have been keeping it down to once a week or so, but using serious quantities (i.e. half a gram at a time).... I was nodding off during my friend's wedding....

 

[the_ketaman]

^^Yeah I feel you. I was on xanax and oxycontin at my cousins funeral and the thing that made me feel so bad about that is that she died of a heroin overdose, I now wish I went sober bu I would have probly been WD'ig, still though I could have used a "get well" dose but I chose to get high. I feel pretty low for doing that.

I OD'd the other day, at first I thought it really did strike a point in my brain that would encourage me to stop using but I realize how stupid I was acting that day and the amount I used to OD was way more than id usually use(300+mg oxy and 6mg+ xanax plus 300-600mg of seroquel, I was that fucked I cant even remember what I used, I think I drank a whole bottle of wine too :/)

Just feeling a bit weird lately, I just hope to the high heavens hat if I do use again I dont od...Im planning to get on sub asap, the big thing is I dont have a car and id have to travel 45 minutes each way to dose if I were to get on it which would fuck work up if I had a job and is just not possible. Anyone have any suggestions??? I doubt they will just give me a script straight up coz obviously many people would just use up the script in a few days. I kinda stuck in the mud.