Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

[xxkcxx]

JuShe doesn't know enough about opiates to look for signs or anything, but I'd like to believe talking to her will help me quit.|

Just so you are aware, I was good friends with the girlfriend of the guy who got me into dope first. Toward the end of their relationship she was always complaining to me about how he was getting more and more distant and confusing and just acting weird in general. At the time neither of us knew it, but he had just relapsed.

It was a similar situation where she knew that he used to use dope, but thought that he was done with it a few years back. She had no experience with any kind of opiate, even pain medicine really, but heroin especially changes your personality when you are on it. I know for me, I can get really mean and irritable. Exploding at the littlest thing because it "kills my buzz." For my friend, he got more and more emotionally withdrawn to the point his girlfriend stopped thinking that he loved her.

She did eventually move on to someone else and he was heartbroken cause he had no idea that she thought those things. She didn't even break up with him cause she found out he was using, just because of the way he was acting. She did find out later though, and since she had a young kid, it solidified her decision.

I'm not saying this to scare you or make you feel bad, just to give you a heads up that, like I said, sometime being under the influence can change our relationships with others in ways we don't even realize. I would hate for you to lose her because she thinks you are thinking something you are aren't, but rather, you are just in the throws of addiction.

 

[Carl Landrover]

^
That's one of the reasons I wanted to stop when I was using.

I was definitely starting to act a lot different around her. I feel like it already damaged us slightly, and I'm trying to repair that now.


Unless I have weed, I too get incredibly irritable on dope. Didn't used to be that way. I'd see her, be happy, then she would say something that I would take the wrong way, and within a minute I'd go from happy to incredibly irritated. I wouldn't snap at her or anything, just would kind of ignore her and wouldn't talk much.

I was getting really depressed around her a lot too. She'd say something nice about me and it would just make me feel guilty or I'd feel like she was just saying it, but didn't really mean it.


I definitely feel like I've seen our relationship more clearly in the last month and feel like I've been a little more normal than I had been in the previous few months.

 

[xxkcxx]

^ I'm glad you can recognize all this because honestly, the fact my friend couldn't was the downfall of the relationship. But like I said, his change was that he cut off from his emotions, not the irritation we both experience.

I'm glad things are looking up

 

[drug_wench]

thanks for all the congrats
TG - J is on my prayer list

 

[the_ketaman]

You guys sound like your making some progress and its great IMO, good on ya's, especially DW, Im so happy to hear you dont have hepC XXOO that really does make me smile.

I went to see my rehab today, its called Tipple Care Farm with so many opportunities its not funny and its like in the middle of rainforest. but I have to do a 7 day medicated detox, does anyone know if that means a methadone taper or benzos? Im guessing benzos. Anyone experience with a medical detox would be of huge value to me so please share if you have ny experience. Im more worried about the detox than the rehab. Even a PM would be hugely appreciated coz this med detox is confusing me, ive been to rehab twice(for meth that is) nd never had to do a detox... now its opes and benzos I do have to have a medical supervised WD coz Ive been on the oxy and xanax for awhile. Im just wondering what kind of meds theyd give me to ease the symptoms.

 

[DubCity23]

You'd be surprised how fast that willpower recedes once you're in the throws of addiction.

I relapsed... again... about two weeks ago. Used for a week straight and then quit. I wish I had even just the slightest amount of self-control. I'm starting realize that I can't even have them in the house. At all. They drive me fucking insane.

I relapse after every week .... it really really sucks... i mean im on sub treatment so i don't get sick but it still sucks. On the way to score my smack somethign in my mind is always like think of what your mom said or the card your grandma sent you or something like that ..... but i still buy it and bang it and forget about how fast my life went from awesome amazing too pure shit.

One of these times though something will click in my head and i will find the will power to say no and hopefully be able to enjoy the things i once enjoyed so much in life again.... fuckn heroin.

 

[xxkcxx]

You guys sound like your making some progress and its great IMO, good on ya's, especially DW, Im so happy to hear you dont have hepC XXOO that really does make me smile.

I went to see my rehab today, its called Tipple Care Farm with so many opportunities its not funny and its like in the middle of rainforest. but I have to do a 7 day medicated detox, does anyone know if that means a methadone taper or benzos? Im guessing benzos. Anyone experience with a medical detox would be of huge value to me so please share if you have ny experience. Im more worried about the detox than the rehab. Even a PM would be hugely appreciated coz this med detox is confusing me, ive been to rehab twice(for meth that is) nd never had to do a detox... now its opes and benzos I do have to have a medical supervised WD coz Ive been on the oxy and xanax for awhile. Im just wondering what kind of meds theyd give me to ease the symptoms.

That rehab sounds awesome? Is it in the states?

Medical detox is no fun, but they try to help the best they can. I've gone through it several times, usually for heroin, but once for benzos. Here is the drugs they gave me:

Opiates: clondadine, subutex, tygan (an anti-nausea shot), you could get anti-diarrhea meds and tylenol as needed as well, and seroquel or vistiril (that was after I became sensitive to seroquel--it sucked IMO tho) as needed for anxiety

They may or may not give you a benzo...they were not on the detox protocol of either hospital I went to.

Benzos: depending on how long and what benzo you have been on, they might just taper you off of it over a long period of time. A girl I was in 30-day with was addicted to large quantities of Klonopin, and the only thing they could do to get her off safely was to taper her off of it over 21 days. When I did my benzo detox for Xanax, I hadn't been taking them regularly for more than a few months, and I wasn't taking them everyday, but I took about 30 mg in one night so they wanted to make sure I didn't seize.

Anyway, it was awhile ago so all I remember is that they gave me Librium (a long acting, more mild benzo that they taper you of off) and an anti-seizure drug.

Also, they put me on psych meds.

 

[Carl Landrover]

One of these times though something will click in my head and i will find the will power to say no and hopefully be able to enjoy the things i once enjoyed so much in life again.... fuckn heroin.

Be careful man. Hopefully that'll happen, and it might if you get tired of all the bullshit that comes with dope and the negative aspects it's bringing into your life.


As more time goes on though, you become more ingrained in the lifestyle and it makes it that much harder to get out of it. Plus, it seems the longer you're with it, the crazier your behavior comes towards copping and of course the harder it is to finally let go.


I had those same thoughts a lot of the times I relapsed over the last couple of months. It feels nice not to feel guilty or ashamed of myself anymore. %)


Good luck, you've always got a place to vent here!

 

[drug_wench]

ketaman - thanks, first of all
secondly, no if its a 7 day detox off oxy they wont use done
they rarely ever use done these days - suboxone is much more common

7 days is a bit rough - i spose it depends on how much uve bn using and wat dose theyre going to start u on

my experience of heroin detox was (over 2 weeks):
-32mgs suboxone daily to start with - actually they start u on 4mgs and just keep upping it till ur on a comfortable dose (this wasnt enough but its the most they can give u so i was offered to b switched to methadone which i kindly declined)....yes i was uncomfortable but i had other meds to aid me
-5mgs stemetil (anti-nausea/vomitting drug)
-unknown quantities of loperamide
-panadol/nurofen evry 4hrs
-unknown quantities of clonidine (i dont react well to this drug but i had pretty high BP)
-50mgs valium (i normally take 40mgs) daily

by 2 weeks i was down to 16mg suboxone and i had the option of leaving detox on maintenance or doing a home detox with the rest of the suboxone, or staying in for another 2 weeks
i chose maintenance, and while ive gone up to 20mg and hav stabilised at this dose i feel it was the right choice for me as a frequent relapser

as far as benzos go....theyre going to take u off in 7 days? dont know how theyre going to do that or why theyd do that!
gd luck in rehab.....ill b thinking of u - obviously if uve bn before u know wat to expect and wat to do to gain the best out of ur stay there

 

[C_Tripper]

Long time no see BL'ers.

I'm spiralling again... and to think it was to be a fresh year.

 

[i8hooked]

I decided last friday to stop using heroin.....
This is the first time I have made this decision for I have only been using IV heroin for 7 months.
I didnt know if I would withdrawal or not and I didnt know what to expect.
I did.....the following sunday morning I woke at 4:00 AM with leg cramps and my legs was kind of jerky.
My whole body ached and I was sweating. I didnt want to get out of bed.
I felt like I had a bad case of flu and my nose ran like a faucet. My hands were shaky and palms sweaty and all I could think about was a nice point of H..I did not use that day.
Monday morning I still had all the symptoms as the previous morning plus stomach cramping and a bad case of the runs. My mother came over that morning and by this time my whole body was shuddering. She knew what she was looking at because me being 39 years old, one need only do the math to see that she is an old hippie from the 60's era. She was not going to have me suffering so she broke out a couple of 10mg perc's. and called her friend that keeps Suboxone.
The perc's stopped the cramping and the shuddering and made me feel a bit better. Her friend came over around noon with the sub's and I immediately placed 4mg under my tongue
20 minutes later I was fine.....She left 10 8mg sub's with me and I have found that 4 mg per day does away with withdrawal symptoms. But I still crave a fix. I bet I always will.
But I believe suboxone to be WAY better than methadone.
I will go to my doctor and see if I can start getting them for myself. I guess I just go in and tell him Im a damn smackie and need some help?
My goal is to not have to take anything and not use heroin any more...
I wonder how long it would take until I could stop using the suboxone?

 

[Carl Landrover]

Not all doctors are licensed to prescribe suboxone. You could always ask your doctor, but if they aren't licensed, check out www.suboxone.com to find a doctor near you.

Good for you for stopping now and good luck with the suboxone!

 

[eon_blue]

I wonder how long it would take until I could stop using the suboxone?

My advice: use the Suboxone for as short a period of time as possible. That stuff isn't easy to get off of either, trust me. Even going c/t off of less than 1mg is really uncomfortable and of course bupe withdrawals last forever.

Good on you for wanting to get clean though man. Dope gets the best of all of us eventually.

 

[xxkcxx]

I wonder how long it would take until I could stop using the suboxone?

My doctor wanted me on maintenance for a year, but I just agreed to it because I was stashing the scripts and using them to avoid wds.

You can pretty much tell your doctor what you want-- a) a long maintenance or b) short taper just to get past the physical wds.


Good luck man! :D

 

[drug_wench]

im opting for long-term suboxone maintenance - i know it wont b an easy ride coming down but im on valium as well and i find it makes me crave opiates
the only thing that stops me from scoring is the fact im on suboxone

if it wasnt for valium id b tapering now
im on a waiting list to taper from the valium but thats going to take ages cos im on 40mgs a day and im epileptic so its going to b a long, slow taper to b careful
apparently my valium tapers sposed to start in march/april

wen im valium-free i work on suboxone
but yea, i agree with eon - usually at detox in the past theyve made me jump off at 2mg by the end of the second week (in the past ive only ever needed 16mg to start with) and the wds were not pleasant to say the least

gd luck, i8hooked - gd decision to get off the smack, and gd decision to try suboxone
atm, i swear by the stuff, its like my miracle drug

 

[the_ketaman]

Whenever im withdrawing I usually end up taking some form of benzo, and then because that lowers my inhibitions I end up going to score, its a fucked up circle.

Im going in to do a medicated detox either this week or next week, then im off to a residential rehab for 3-6 months. This will be coming off 80-160mg(usually 160mg) per day oxycontin habit with up to 6mg of xanax per dose whenever I feel like benzo's, this has been for the past year with a 1 1/2 month break toward the start of my useage. Im not physically addicted to the benzo's though I am psychologically, I have been physically dependent once and I was also withdrawing from oxy at the same time and it was the single worst experience of my life so far so ive made sure that I never become dependent on benzo's again, but I am physically dependent on the oxy so im a little worried as to how im going to feel during this detox.

Does anyone know what a Medicated detox usually consists of? Benzo's? Methadone? Bupe? Im in Australia too btw.

 

[xxkcxx]

Does anyone know what a Medicated detox usually consists of? Benzo's? Methadone? Bupe? Im in Australia too btw.

You may have missed it, but a couple posts up both DW and I listed what meds we got when we medically detoxed

 

[Carl Landrover]

I don't know if it's cause I'm uncomfortable or just laying around doing nothing, but if that dudes phone had been on, I'd have a bundle right now.

But it wasn't, so I don't.

 

[i8hooked]

Moment of truth

Glad to see all of the support..
Well, as of right now I am H free. I have used 4mg of sub today and I feel fine.
Just 2 issues. I have to make my last H payment tonight at midnight CST. Thats when my direct deposit goes in the bank and as usual my dealer will be waiting for me at the damn ATM.
I owe him $180 for last weeks supply. Of course he dosent know I am kicking and will indeed have 2 or 3 points for me with him. I dont even have to call him.
I have to make it away from him and the ATM without scoring. I have to tell him Im kicking.
Im not sure how he will react to be honest.
He will prob pull out the "secret stash" of some exotic name H and say something like "man dis dat mexican mudro 'ome bwa!" "dis shit bus dat head fo yo ass!".8)
LMAO!!! I then say "Man Im gonna have to pass, FUCK THAT SHIT!"
I will come home and cut my ATM card and go to bed....I can do this. Stop now before I develop into that smack addled monster you see in the movies. It will never get any easier to stop, only more difficult.. I AM STOPPING.
I wanted to see what it was all about a few months ago and I kept doing it and it got its meat hooks into my heart...I have never been addicted to anything, Hence the name "i8hooked". I will change my user name here at BL to "ArrogantFool" after I have got clean from H.
I still use stuff, just not opiates I guess unless prescribed by a Dr. (Can I get a lortab?")
I will be back here at approximately 12:30 CST to post about how it went at the ATM..

Also I want to admit that I lost my wife of 12 years because of my heroin abuse last month. I never hid it from her but I told her to start with I just wanted to try it. And then did it again the next weekend, and the next, and the next. Eventually I was doing it in the middle of the week when she told me to stop it or else. It was then that I did it behind her back. Hard to hide an overdrawn bank account from your wife. She drained our savings and bought herself a house and we filed for divorce 2 weeks ago.

 

[xxkcxx]

^ aw man....that's some tough shit right there.

stay strong, okay?