Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

[xxkcxx]

I have a difficult decision to make in the next few hours.

Dope boy needs a ride to the city for drug classes. I'm giving him a ride there early because it's a lot easier for me. Problem is since it's early, he's going to go score, so I have to decide whether or not to throw down with him or not.

Pro's:
Get fuckin' high man!
He's pickin' up a lot, so my price would be cheaper

Cons:
I'm already close to 36 hours past my last dose and feelin' kind of crappy, this is going to prolong getting off it
I'll probably be stuffed up and coughing up stuff on Christmas Eve/Day
If I don't pick up, I'll probably feel pretty decent on Christmas Eve/Day


^
That one seems important, but I can get HIGH tonight! Junky decisions!

From your other posts, I can tell you really hate using and what it does to you, but you can't seem to remember that when it's put in front of you. I'm the same way.

Literally TODAY I got off a probation violate free and clear. (I still have 1.5 years left on probation though). It might have come down to a drug test that I would have been dirty for, and therefore been in jail for xmas.

I should be thinking--Thank God all this worked out. I'm never going to use again!--but instead I'm thinking--No need to worry about tests for a couple weeks! Can't wait to get fucked up!!

Pretty sick.

My advice to you would be NOT to get high, but I know I would.

I know it's not likely to happen, but what if you got the dope and tried to hold onto in until after xmas. You could always try--use it as a reward of sorts, and I don't know how your tolerance works, but I know if I only use once in a while, I don't really wd for more than a few hours if at all.



Okay, Here is MY dilemma.

My mom keeps track of my money because I live with her and she wants to make sure I don't use. I was supposed to go Xmas shopping with a friend the other day but she bailed at the last minute so I called another friend and asked him to take me to the tip. I spent $40 out of the $50 I had been given. When I got home I told my mom I bought lunch and then a present for the family.

Now, with no money or way to get to a store, I have to figure out a present that looks like I could have put $20-30 into it.

SO, I'm basically fucked.

 

[Carl Landrover]

From your other posts, I can tell you really hate using and what it does to you, but you can't seem to remember that when it's put in front of you. I'm the same way.

Literally TODAY I got off a probation violate free and clear. (I still have 1.5 years left on probation though). It might have come down to a drug test that I would have been dirty for, and therefore been in jail for xmas.

I should be thinking--Thank God all this worked out. I'm never going to use again!--but instead I'm thinking--No need to worry about tests for a couple weeks! Can't wait to get fucked up!!

Pretty sick.

My advice to you would be NOT to get high, but I know I would.

I know it's not likely to happen, but what if you got the dope and tried to hold onto in until after xmas. You could always try--use it as a reward of sorts, and I don't know how your tolerance works, but I know if I only use once in a while, I don't really wd for more than a few hours if at all.

Pretty much nailed it.

Thing is, I've been usually waiting at least 3 days between these day/multi-day binges. I'd tell myself just tonight, but it sucks that Christmas is in a few days, since I don't want to be sick then.

I'd tell myself that I wouldn't use tonight or use in the next few days, but all that logic goes out the window as soon as it's in my possession. Argh, this blows!

Normal logic says no, but then there's this distinct voice that tells me how fuckin' great it would be to get high. 8)



Edits: So I bought it. I guess the only thing to really do is enjoy it for the time being, so at least I won't feel guilty/depressed.

I'm hoping this is my last 'run' before 2009. I'd really like to start that off clean, though I think I may end up having to be on suboxone again. So it would really only be technically clean.

 

[sk8erkho]

Catch 22 for me

Cheers! I am and have been since a child being treated for severe painful episodes. I was born with Sickle Cell Anemia and until now had a few bouts with dependence but was able to pull back. Unfortunately, the past 8 yrs. the pain has been unbearable most of the time especially in my lower back. I came to find out only after frequenting the hospital with this pain and being labeled a junkie or hospital hopper, that the cause of the pain is severe bone damage all along my pelvis and lower back area. Now, they believe me, I said to myself after this one physician sat bedside with me on a PCA of dilaudid cranked up so high this hospitalization that I spent 3 days in a hallucinatory state. the physician then ordered a series of tests and found the damage. Unfortunately, it's beyond repair and my only course of action is pain control. Well he put me on 100mg kadian, 4mg dilaudid, 30mg MSIR. then he left the hospital before we could even set up a regimen so up until now I have been just trying to set it up my self. Well, I have developed a tolerance to the meds and need more to control the pain. Recently, a new dr. took over decreased me to 60mg kadian, and the same dilaudid and msir but the problem is I need a regimen which will work for me. and control the pain without me having to gobble numbers of tabs just to get relief. My problem was i would take the meds when the pain Hit not along every 3 or 4 hrs. So, now i am looking for a way to take them in smaller doses but more effectively. Any suggestions???
I really need the advice. And as for the dependence, because the pain is on going I don't see any way off the meds, period. I thought about weed and tried it but it doesn't help the 10+ pain,so...

 

[pdawg16323]

Does anybody understand why this is happening?

hi i had used a needle about a month ago and for some reason i have this bump where i injected the oxy and im starting to get freaked out. Is this normal or you think i should go see a doctor?? It doesnt hurt but im starting to worry that it could make my arm fall off lol. I dont shoot all the time so thats why im so freaked out

 

[drug_wench]

sk8erkho, hav u considered asking about methadone - ive heard its sposed to b one of the best for pain relief according to friends who r on it for pain (actually not friends anymore)
carl, im totally with u there - i wud hav done the same thing
im back to being a full-on smack fiend
im now starting to get physical withdrawals and i just cant seem to stop
physical withdrawals? after like a month?
im due in inpatient over the new yr
way to spend the new yr
oh well ive kind of lost all my decent friends due to my drug use anyway
how it spiralled out of control so fast i hav nooooo idea
at least, thank fuck, i produced a drug test for them today and they said im borderline for going in for suboxone treatment rather than methadone
even after a month!? they say im a 'chronic relapser' and i really shud think about going on the methadone program
i really dont want to b coming off valium and methadone at the same time......
pdawg - sounds like u missed a vein or went thru the vein or something
if its red and inflamed id get it checked out, or if its numb.....oh and depending on wat size it is.....

 

[i8hooked]

hi i had used a needle about a month ago and for some reason i have this bump where i injected the oxy and im starting to get freaked out. Is this normal or you think i should go see a doctor?? It doesnt hurt but im starting to worry that it could make my arm fall off lol. I dont shoot all the time so thats why im so freaked out

A month ago?
I think you can relax. It is prob unrelated.
Just a coincidence that it is in the same area.
If it was a problem from that injection itd be swollen and feverish, sore and/or itchy. And after a month it would have abscessed by now.
BTW, always use common sense and never re-use a needle. Always disinfect the injection site with alcohol before and after banging.

 

[dhcdavid]

Wish my tolerance went DOWN as fast as it goes UP.

My quote of 2008 on Bluelight!

I SO agree with that. Who else is with me in identifying with that bitch which is rocketing tolerance?

 

[7orp0r]

I've made it to 20 days with no opiates, and 17 days completely clean of all illicit substances. I feel better than I have in months, and my sleep patterns have stabalized. I wish I could say that I made it this far on my own willpower, but it took a 15 day stint in county jail to give me the push I needed to get clean. Mid-January I'm going to start an outpatient treatment program so I can get the necessary skills to keep clean once the novetly of sobriety wears off.

Just thought I would check in and share a story of at least limited hope.

 

[drug_wench]

A month ago?
I think you can relax. It is prob unrelated.
Just a coincidence that it is in the same area.
If it was a problem from that injection itd be swollen and feverish, sore and/or itchy. And after a month it would have abscessed by now.
BTW, always use common sense and never re-use a needle. Always disinfect the injection site with alcohol before and after banging.

ahh i missed the month thing - but all gd advice
DHCdavid - im with u on taking down the bitch who invented tolerance.....
and 7orpor - well done....even if jail got u initially clean, uve still done an extra 5 days havnt u.....kudos man!
ive got the runs and my stomachs cramping something awful, not to mention the pain in my legs
and im in a panic cos ive got to score tonight and my stomachs in knots that he wont hav any or something ridiculous (hes in a bikie gang - of course hell hav some....)

 

[xxkcxx]

Once again I'm all set to get high and actually get enough to last me through xmas since there is no way to get away from the family activities for 2 + hours (in the snow) to score. Once again, my plot is foiled.

I told my mom I was going out with a friend at 3 and she was freaking out because of the blizzard like snow (which, in reality, had stopped for a few hours by this point). My mom is also a smart lady and figured out I was going to go out with the druggie friends she wants to more or less murder. She came home early, a big fight ensued and I almost left to go to a homeless shelter on xmas eve eve. I would have to if they weren't blocking the door. Mainly because I'm such a fucking hype that I saw it as my way to go score.

My desire to us is really getting ridiculous. Ruining my life more or less. My parents and I were actually getting along for a bit and they were starting to trust me again--were going t give me a CELL PHONE for xmas because they trusted me. That's out the door. And it would have been fine to if when she first said don't go out I said fine because I could have just waited till Friday since I wasn't wding.

But like I said I've turned into a fucking loser hype.

 

[drug_wench]

ur not a loser kc, ur just an addict
any time u want to do something about it u can - and im sure ur parents will back u 100%
i was going to try and get thru xmas just using heaps of codeine but of course inevitably ive shot even more smack than usual
this started a war between my brother and me cos he said a snaky comment wen i was hanging out
and ended with mum crying over the xmas dinner
heroins not just ruining my life, its fucking up things majorly for my family too
tbh im actually looking forward to b going into treatment now just so i can b free of this shit

 

[jaroben]

must be something about this time of season. i'm sitting here typing this with pin-point pupils, high on dope, feeling waves of guilt crash over me. i was close to jumping off of suboxone, or i wanted to, but was having trouble. was getting increasingly depressed. i just don't know how to get off this stuff completely. i think i was having such a problem getting off of sub because i was on it for a year. maybe this time when i run out of dope i'll do a quick taper within a couple weeks. i'll be feeling like shit from w/d from switching to subs anyway.

though i can sit here and talk about it all day, when it comes down to the situation, i've never been able to completely get off of opiates since i started.

my tolerance is quite low right now. i got myself down to 0.5mg/day suboxone. it's taking me less than a bag to get off. though by the time i run out my tolerance will be up. i completely misjudged how much it would take and bought too much. enough to last a week with my tolerance.

i feel so weak. seems like i can only manage half a year of cravings and depression before i cave in.

 

[drug_wench]

half a yrs actually pretty fucking awesome - maybe the key is to turn it around from feeling weak to feeling strong for dong so
many ppl can barely last a week of cravings and depression esp once they jump off the sub finally
hav u thought of trying outpatient counselling? i dont know where u r but here, as long as we go thru the 2 week suboxone detox were eligible for outpatient counselling for the next yr and can continue going if were having trouble still (for free)
i went for 2 yrs last time and i felt a hell of a lot better about myself by the end of it (i stayed in a halfway house while the sub was coming out of my system tho so i was pretty.......under scrutiny)
ur right about this season - a lot of us get depressed and of course, out come the drugs
i, too, am sitting here and i havnt looked in the mirror but no dooubt my pupils r fairly hard to detect.....

 

[xxkcxx]

Christmas at my grandpa's and I went to the bathroom and just HAD to look in the med cabinet. I found some xanax .25's that were 3 years old and Vicodin 7.5's that were 4 years old.

I took 4 and 1 respectively.

I know they were old so they probably wouldn't have missed them, but there were only 4 Vics total so I didn't want to chance it by taking more.

They don't really do anything for me anymore anyway after doing dope (not to mention them being old). I once took TWENTY after a decent break from H and ended up in ICU ODed on APAP before I even got high. APAP overdose is a really, really terrible thing.

Though, I did get stung by a bee for the first time that night and didn't even notice it until it started itching.

 

[drug_wench]

urgh ive always had really deep-set veins and ive done a fair bit of damage to them over the yrs, plus ive got this permanent tremor from long-term meth use
id bn hitting into one arm too often (the one i hit into best) so i decided for harm reductions sake to switch arms this morning
it was cold and even after smacking at the vein and applying a hot flannel my vein was fairly hard to detect
i managed to register anyway - well i pulled back the plunger and sucked up enough blood that i was confident id gone in
maybe wen i was loosening the tourniquet i stabbed it thru a bit further or something, all i know is i definitely got most of it thru the vein (i certainly got high) but im pretty sure some went right thru as my upper arm hurts (aching) and theres some bruising
fuck this
of course im going to miss banging smack but over the yrs its taken its toll and is once again starting to do so
and a little part of me will hav to remember times like this wen i wonder 'ok wen it wears off where do i aim next?' and think 'thank fuck i dont do this anymore'

 

[Carl Landrover]

I don't want to do any heroin anymore, so I decided to do what I had left tonight.

I just blew a lot and I'm going to do a little more.

Part of me hopes I OD.

 

[jaroben]

half a yrs actually pretty fucking awesome - maybe the key is to turn it around from feeling weak to feeling strong for dong so
many ppl can barely last a week of cravings and depression esp once they jump off the sub finally
hav u thought of trying outpatient counselling? i dont know where u r but here, as long as we go thru the 2 week suboxone detox were eligible for outpatient counselling for the next yr and can continue going if were having trouble still (for free)
i went for 2 yrs last time and i felt a hell of a lot better about myself by the end of it (i stayed in a halfway house while the sub was coming out of my system tho so i was pretty.......under scrutiny)
ur right about this season - a lot of us get depressed and of course, out come the drugs
i, too, am sitting here and i havnt looked in the mirror but no dooubt my pupils r fairly hard to detect.....

i was going to outpatient suboxone groups for a while after rehab, which were more personal than the NA groups i went to, but never 1 on 1 counseling, if that's what you were referring to. there were 8 or 9 of us in that particular group. it was held at the rehab center, so it started as inpatient. it wasn't free though. my insurance only covered 25 or so sessions, at 3 nights/week. so it lasted a couple months and seemed to help. but i was just out of rehab, so i was motivated. i didn't particularly like NA groups. for the most part, i feel uncomfortable at them. it wouldn't hurt to try one out again though.

i am proud of my half a year w/out heroin. though i was also on a higher dose of suboxone, which got rid of cravings and a lot of my depression. counseling or groups may be necessary when i get down to a negligible dose of suboxone.

 

[xxkcxx]

I don't want to do any heroin anymore, so I decided to do what I had left tonight.

I just blew a lot and I'm going to do a little more.

Part of me hopes I OD.

Well, I for one hope you don't.

Not to be really creepy and make you think that I sit around in everyday life and think about you, but you happened to respond to a couple threads I had responses in and I was thinking how much I like what you have to say.

 

[drug_wench]

^X100
ur a big support on this thread carl
and yea, jaroben, i meant one-on-one counselling
its a lot easier to talk to a counsellor (for me anyway) without other ppl there so i feel like theyre judging me
some counsellors r really cool, if u do a bit of hunting around
mines an iron maiden fan

 

[xxkcxx]

My delivery came!

Not as much as I had hoped (could only get 3 instead of 5), but anything is good right now!

My goal is to do one a day this weekend and then get more Monday, but I'm not holding my breath.