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Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

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guilt?

I
have used drugs my entire life. everyone in my immediate family also uses and
has done so as far back as I can remember.
I used Heroin for the first time about 4 months ago. I didnt bother with snorting or smoking, I went straight to the needle. I also used Oxy's for the first time at about the same time and like the H, I didnt fool around with eating or plugging/snorting and found the rush to be similar to the boy.
Here is the thing, when My man runs out or I run out of money...nothing.
No sweats, no anxiety, no leg cramps/kicking, nausea, headache, irritability...nothing..
I read the posts here and I think to myself.."why?' why do I not have PAWS?
Am I fucking weird? I used H this past friday and an Oxy80 yesterday. I did yard work today and ...nothing,.
But my anti depressant (effexor) is a nasty demon if you go without it. it shakes me to my foundation when I abstain from using it.
Is there anyone here that can explain why I do not withdrawl?
should I find a group of doctors and allow them to study me?
I read these post and I feel kind of guilty...:\
I do, however keep my tolerance in check by never increasing my dosage..I use the same amount every session..Alll I want is the rush and then that wonderful nod. perhaps this is the reason?......but I have abused drugs my whole life!!
 
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i guess not evryone gets addicted as fast as others - brain chemistry works diffrently in evryone
trust me tho, if u can (psychologically i mean) id stop while ur ahead cos opiate withdrawal is totally shitty....literally
 
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drug_wench said:
i guess not evryone gets addicted as fast as others - brain chemistry works diffrently in evryone
trust me tho, if u can (psychologically i mean) id stop while ur ahead cos opiate withdrawal is totally shitty....literally
Click to expand...
I have gathered that it is pure hell..
Because my post was getting long, I didnt mention that afier a mild surgery at the first of this 08 year, my doc gave me 10MG lortab and soma. I took them daily for 5 months straight and when my Dr. took me off and switched to an antiinflamitory ....nothing, not even a headache. believe me, I was totally expecting withdrawl..
But Im with you. Im sure that if I were to continue with the heroin hardcore for 6/7 months then Id at least feel shitty. I did mention that I never increase my dosage. Building tolerance as I understand is the first step to dependance..

I really hope the people here have good results in getting off the meds and the smack.
i will admit that I really enjoy the ritual of IV use...the blood flag is my favorite part.=D
 
bloody stupid me, going and snorting oxy this morning......am i going to become a junkie again? god one can only find out i guess :\
i certainly want more
of course i want more....
 
jeez...can't belive i relapsed, i swore off heroin forever...
now i'm waiting for a friend to com e by and bring me some,
ialmost broke off with my fiance today bc of this...................
and on top of the heroin stuff i cant stop thinking bout my k, it's even a bigger weakness than smack
today i'm suposedly gona have my last shot.......
 
drug_wench said:
bloody stupid me, going and snorting oxy this morning......am i going to become a junkie again? god one can only find out i guess :\
i certainly want more
of course i want more....
Click to expand...

Don't let a small relapse get you down, that is your own advice that you constantly give to people here! Just because you used oxy once doesn't mean you're going to become a junkie again, don't let yourself.

You're such an inspiration to me and others on TDS. Don't fuck up all the hard work you've done to put yourself in this position!!
 
i just snorted oxy for a week straight and today is my first day without it i feel like shit... i went almost 2 years without any oxy...

Fuck man the tolerance came back fast... and i feel like total shit today...... oh god


Opiates are my curse........fuck ... all im thinking about is either doing some pods or suicide :(


I forgot how completely bad opiates OWN ME
 
cire113 said:
Opiates are my curse
Click to expand...

Truer words were never spoken. Opiate addiction does feel like a curse. The longer you stay clean the weaker it's power over you becomes. Maybe we'll never be free of this curse, but we can weaken it to the point where it doesn't control our lives. There are many former opiate addicts who get clean and stay clean. Time heals all things, even curses :)
 
thank u for ur kind words nukka
im feeling a lot more positive today - but still of course craving oxy
as i know thatll fade tho :\
and yea, chic, so true - time does heal all things
and wat was once a curse can become a blessing if u can use ur experience to help other ppl
i guess thats wat were all kind of doing by giving advice and support from our own experiences wen we post in TDS
addiction has caused a lot of us to gain an empathy that many ppl in society just dont hav
hang in there, cire
ur first day without that oxy is ur first step towards victory! <3
 
So I have been a member here for awhile but never posted anything. Ive been a heroin addict sine I was 15. Im 26 now so thats 11 years. Been to a couple stints in rehab which obviously didn't work. Just makes me feel a little guilty every time I get high. Today is the first day I have went without dope for a LONG time. I'm not going to act like I'm in it for the long haul, I'm broke and my dealer(s) got busted so it's fuck all right now. The really shitty thing is I actually picked up and moved from Philly to NC, managed to get married (wife is OBLIVIOUS to my addiction) and have 2 kids. I provide for my family and all, but I just think they deserve better, yet this CANT FUCKING STOP ME FROM USING!! I mean I am really at my end here but I think I am afraid to attempt sobriety again because I have failed so many times before.
 
Hello - first time posting in this forum but I'm really needing some advice.

I've been taking opiates for about 4 years now. i started with tabs and perks and stayed with them for about 3 years. Eventually I developed an oxy addiction, I was taking about 240mg a day plus about 100mg of perks or tabs. I quit, it sucked, but I did it. Of course it lasted (sober) about 2 months and i started taking about 150mg of tabs or perks a day. The doc put me on lexapro, depression worsened, I stopped taking them and after 3 days I purposely overdosed on oxy and xanax. Thankfully I decided in time to let my girlfriend know and I got to the hospital just in time to drink some charcoal and get injected with narcam(or whatever reversed my respritory deppression).

Anyway, sorry for the long story- heres my current problem. I'm still on a heavy dose of perks right now, and I've convinced myself I can't function without opiates. I've quit so many time but it always sends me into depression and other horrible w/d. Is it worth it to say F*UCK it and get on methadone. I still want some euphoria, but i'm sick of the game of hustling and finding my next fix. let me know if anyone has advice, i really need to get my life together.

ps ~ i'm happy to be alive, i'm never letting myself dip low enough again to attempt suicide.

thanks!
 
Hi, going through a rough time now people. Just lost a family member. Addicted to h pretty bad. i work full time and go to class full time and i dont know how much more i can take. if i have my fixes its ok. if i dont and have sub, its barely manageable. i have wanted to quit for a while. i've pretty much been on opiates 6 years. wish i could be free but can never make it long.

dino87- i have never given up and got on maintenance because i know that throws out hope of ever quitting and having somewhat normal emotions after a while clean. plus, it is a burden to go to a clinic everyday. tolerance will go up, euphoria will go down. maybe try suboxone maintenance since its easier to quit.
 
Wow. People lapsin left and right. It reminds me that its easier to stay clean than it is to get clean. Sometimes I don't believe that though as I've been on the verge of using myself in the past few weeks. The way the mind is able to convince itself that just one wont hurt, or that quitting will be easy since I've done it before...Complete mind-fuck. Imagine if that sort of mind trick could be harnessed into doing something positive. You'd be unstoppable at anything you tried.
 
Imagine if that sort of mind trick could be harnessed into doing something positive. You'd be unstoppable at anything you tried.
Click to expand...

dude its all about putting that energy towards something that will not ruin life hell yeah
 
Checking in. I do a lot of oxy, not enough where it runs my life but to a point where I need a daily fix
 
I am so, so very happy with this thread :)

Thanks for keeping this thread supportive, positive, and free from flames. I don't think I've had to edit even one post! Not that I expected anything less than good behavior from the best type of drug addicts ;) :p
 
dino87 said:
Hello - first time posting in this forum but I'm really needing some advice.

I've been taking opiates for about 4 years now. i started with tabs and perks and stayed with them for about 3 years. Eventually I developed an oxy addiction, I was taking about 240mg a day plus about 100mg of perks or tabs. I quit, it sucked, but I did it. Of course it lasted (sober) about 2 months and i started taking about 150mg of tabs or perks a day. The doc put me on lexapro, depression worsened, I stopped taking them and after 3 days I purposely overdosed on oxy and xanax. Thankfully I decided in time to let my girlfriend know and I got to the hospital just in time to drink some charcoal and get injected with narcam(or whatever reversed my respritory deppression).

Anyway, sorry for the long story- heres my current problem. I'm still on a heavy dose of perks right now, and I've convinced myself I can't function without opiates. I've quit so many time but it always sends me into depression and other horrible w/d. Is it worth it to say F*UCK it and get on methadone. I still want some euphoria, but i'm sick of the game of hustling and finding my next fix. let me know if anyone has advice, i really need to get my life together.

ps ~ i'm happy to be alive, i'm never letting myself dip low enough again to attempt suicide.

thanks!
Click to expand...
Perhaps look into Suboxone? Methdone imo is no good.:\
 
drug_wench said:
thank u for ur kind words nukka
im feeling a lot more positive today - but still of course craving oxy
as i know thatll fade tho :\
and yea, chic, so true - time does heal all things
and wat was once a curse can become a blessing if u can use ur experience to help other ppl
i guess thats wat were all kind of doing by giving advice and support from our own experiences wen we post in TDS
addiction has caused a lot of us to gain an empathy that many ppl in society just dont hav
hang in there, cire
ur first day without that oxy is ur first step towards victory! <3
Click to expand...


i think you have someone who you owe a phonecall to that'll make things alot better. Don't worry we don't have anything against you, we're not going to call you weak, we're not going to make fun of you, we'll just welcome you back.
:)
 
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