Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

[Arzi]

Went on a 4 day binge this week... I was fine Friday. Saturday the sickness creeped in while I had my girlfreind over. She's convinced I'm coming down with a cold. I ended up under her coat in bed with her trying to keep me warm. She says I'll get better.... She said she has faith... If only she knew the truth. Its a good thing I can make my tears look like smiles. I'll be better in 48 hours physically, but then come the mind games, the psychological aspects. Its getting to be too much or burden. I just can't take it mentally anymore. I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore.

you kinda make me wanna quit a lot more.

im in the same situation with my gf if she finds out its going to be disastrous because she's in the cold about this

 

[drug_wench]

id always advise anyone using to b open with ur partners - ive only gone out with one guy who was clean while i was using.....adrian
i didnt tell him at first, but then i kind of reasoned that hed find out eventually - after all, there was plenty of paraphernalia hidden in my room and i had obvious trackmarks
so i told him
we didnt break up - if anything he wanted to 'rescue' me
in the end i dumped him......but i hav a feeling it wud hav bn the other way round if i had kept him in the dark
uve got to b honest with the one u luv or u risk hurting urself and them
its hard but its the right thing to do

 

[-Guido-]

Now I have made it past that 48 hour mark and I feel great. The anxiousness, the dilated pupils, the restlessness, is all over. I wanted to shoot myself yesterday. The only thing that sucks is that I'm going to do it all over again this weekend. I probably will avoid going on a 4 day binge but still...

 

[7orp0r]

Checking in again.....stayed clean last week until Friday hit, started with klonopins, then scored some hydro, went to work still fucked up sat. morning, got off napped for 3 hours then when my oc guy wouldn't answer his phone I copped some tylox's, and hydros, from a corner guy on the way back from my grandmothers, ate those with some more k-pins. Then my oxy guy calls as I'm on the way to a party, pick up to 40's, snort one and save the other, end up at wafflehouse at 5am trying to stay awake, ended up puking in my waffles..... Stumbled out the door and my boy drove me home. I hate that I have little control if I'm out with a pocket full of pharmy's.
This weekend (Halloween) will be my last run for a while methinks, gotta start saving money for the holiday season.

 

[the_ketaman]

I fucking relapsed, im not too worried but im pissed off that I had to do this to stop myself feeling so angry about all my failures(unemployment, no car/license, addictions etc) and lack of motivation towards anything really. Im just in a really foul mood today and ive been using for 3 days now just after the withdrawals stopped I started using again, how stupid can I get? Hopefully I wont feel too bad if I stop tomorrow.

Though as I say in nearly every post, I am really glad im not using needles and im pretty sure I wont pick one up again for a long time if ever, I only really want to try shooting coke and ketamine, both which I have no chance of getting addicted to due to availability and price. I may never do this either so theres no rush(no pun intended).

Thank god my track marks have faded heaps, ive been surfing, partying(properly, I dont consider nodding in my room partying like some would) and summer is coming so things could be worse, im just in a real shittyu mood today, but I can already feel the anger subsiding because of the 80mg oxy I snorted about 15 minutes ago.

 

[chicpoena]

Ketaman, every step you take forward is progress. Not using needles is a HUGE step in the right direction. So what if you relapsed; 95% of us do. Use your guilt to your advantage; use it to motivate yourself

Glad to hear you're feeling better CG

 

[drug_wench]

ill go double on wat chic said, ketaman
ive seen u come a long way mate - and giving up the needles is giving up half of the habit!
and so u relapsed? so wat? relapse is reality - if u believe (as i do) that a lot of us here hav a disease, or even if u just believe u hav an addictive personality.....well relapse is a symptom of that
fuck, going by NA standards i relapsed today myself - ive had 2 codeine phosphate pills (120mg) and a joint
im a bit fucked off at having to go to meetings and no longer say im a yr clean but aside from that im just kind of accepting its happened (maybe ill feel diffrently wen its worn off but still - look at it philosophically eh)

 

[QuasiStoned]

I'm Detoxing

Hey all, I've been using pods habitually for about 3 months now. Sometimes daily, sometimes skip a few days, but never longer than 3 days without. I was using because of physical pain issues, and a basic fuck it all mentality. For several reasons I decided (and was somewhat forced to detox).

I changed my pod source and got very ill when from them. I guess I hit my bottom, which is good because I could have fallen a helluva lot further. Rather than ordering better pods on rush delivery, I made the decision to quit.

When I first started playing with the pods I established no guidelines for myself and basically reasoned that I was using them for pain (which was true). I'm so tired of the fear of withdrawal and all the bullshit of the lifestyle so I decided to quit cold turkey.

I'm going to give it a good break now. I know I'll return to them, but I want to establish more stringent guidelines for my usage and attempt to use them in a more responsible manner where I won't have to worry about withdrawals.

 

[Georgie25]

Ive got a question.
For the past month or so I've been on a heroin binge. I've pretty much been snorting a bag of powder a day. I've never shot up. I have 5 bags left and I really want to stop after I'm done these bags. I fear for my nose from snorting so much of the powder and just overall health and money costs. How do you think my w/e will be? Is snorting withdrawal worse or better than w/ding from shooting?

 

[eon_blue]

Ive got a question.
For the past month or so I've been on a heroin binge. I've pretty much been snorting a bag of powder a day. I've never shot up. I have 5 bags left and I really want to stop after I'm done these bags. I fear for my nose from snorting so much of the powder and just overall health and money costs. How do you think my w/e will be? Is snorting withdrawal worse or better than w/ding from shooting?

It's going to suck hardcore either way dude. I'd try to either taper with what you have left, get on suboxone, or make sure you've got at least a week you can devote to just going cold turkey.

It sucks I know, but that's the price you pay.

 

[QuasiStoned]

For the First Time in 3 Months...

I don't have to fear withdrawal! I don't think I realized how much my physical addiction was taking a toll on me until I finally got clean.

Even when I was high (and the high wasn't anything to write home about, it lost it's magic after about the first month) I was miserable because I knew I'd have to deal with the withdrawals sooner or later.

I was so scared when I finally decided to face the withdrawals. I hadn't ever made it to the other side before and it wasn't really a good time to detox, as I was currently taking over the dairy department for a week and working 10 hour days. But I was determined to cut the crap. I got high for the last time Wednesday 22nd, and tried to get high on Fri and Sat but got violently ill, presumably from bad pods. That was when I decided to just accept the withdrawals and not order any more pods as I had done so many times in the past.

Today marks the 7 day mark and I was the most engaged in my world than I've been in so long. I had twice as much motivation today as usual, and the constant yawning, anxiety, depression, and restlessness finally stopped.

I think that the fear of withdrawal was greatly exaggerated by me. I thought that after 3 months of use they would be unmanageable. But here I am finally operating normally without opiates. I don't even feel any PAWS...

For those of you struggling, it is possible. But you gotta believe in yourself and be strong. I'm not an extremely strong willed person and if I could get through it, so could anyone.

Best of luck to everyone!

 

[eon_blue]

I don't have to fear withdrawal! I don't think I realized how much my physical addiction was taking a toll on me until I finally got clean.

It fucking rocks doesn't it? Waking up and not having your first thought be to either
a.) shoot up or
b.) pop a suboxone.

It seriously is so taken for granted when your using, the simple joy of just feeling....like yourself. Although the cravings do get the best of us sometimes Still though, a slip-up here and there beats living day to day enslaved to a chemical and destructive lifestyle.

You've been clean 7 days? Congrats dude

 

[chessmaster69]

Its kind of funny people are telling my story here. Well, not really funny, just sad. I was using oxies daily for over a year with my wife completely oblivious to it. I was in active addiction so it wasn't like I was doing it intentionally to hurt her. Addiction had me by the balls and I just had no idea how I was supposed to get out of it. We all know the story here. When I finally decided to come clean and go to rehab she was devastated. As hard as the treatment center tried to educate her she just couldn't understand the nature of addiction. I think most people can't. She took it personally, as if I used drugs simply to take advantage of her. She just couldn't get that my addiction had absolutely NOTHING to do with her. We aren't together anymore. My advise would be to come clean with your significant other asap if anyone is at all serious about quitting. It will suck, but at least it will get clear if that person is going to help or hurt your recovery. Oh yeah she still to this day takes hush money from her incestious father in exchange for keeping quiet. So we had some other issues as well. But I'm not bitter or anything!

 

[Pomplemous]

It fucking rocks doesn't it? Waking up and not having your first thought be to either
a.) shoot up or
b.) pop a suboxone.

It seriously is so taken for granted when your using, the simple joy of just feeling....like yourself. Although the cravings do get the best of us sometimes Still though, a slip-up here and there beats living day to day enslaved to a chemical and destructive lifestyle.

You've been clean 7 days? Congrats dude

its the best feeling of getting up and not feeling sore. bouncing out of bed.

no more twitchy legs, itchy noses, wearing sunglasses inside to hide your eyes, no more being slave to the phone fr when your mannie is out and you have to wait for him to be in to get sorted for the day, no more sweats, lots and lots of sleep - ahhhh! your idea of happiness readjusts and you soon prefer the clear-eyed, active, cleaner version of you rather than the sluggish enslaved version of you. you dont want to go back once you've had enough of that - but use that feeling!!! use it to change everything aboutt hat life, cos the high of clean does pass and when it does, usually about at a month in, you have to have built a foundation of a new life to get you through - make you too busy with new things. get new interests and even if you are not interested in things, try anything - somthing cos that follows on then to other new things

 

[Pomplemous]

quit it, yes, but more than that, replace it!!

 

[Georgie25]

lots of inspiring posts. ive got exactly one bag left and im gonna try stopping for real. is there anything i can take to help me get thru the first week? i still take vitamins everyday to keep me healthy, but im talkin bout something that can ease the withdrawls?

 

[QuasiStoned]

It fucking rocks doesn't it? Waking up and not having your first thought be to either
a.) shoot up or
b.) pop a suboxone.

It seriously is so taken for granted when your using, the simple joy of just feeling....like yourself. Although the cravings do get the best of us sometimes Still though, a slip-up here and there beats living day to day enslaved to a chemical and destructive lifestyle.

You've been clean 7 days? Congrats dude

Hey thanks man, it's so true that you take for granted what it's like to not be enslaved when you are addicted.

I was a slave to the pods for 3 months and thought I'd never break the cycle with those fuckers. The high had become shitty and I can't believe I wasted so much time chasing it.

 

[drug_wench]

well done on wat uve achieved so far, quasistoned!
georgie - id say the most comfortable way to get thru wat uve got ahead of u is a suboxone taper
is there any way u can arrange this?
otherwise, try to at least get hold of plenty of loperamide, a benzo of some description, clonidine and maybe stemetil (prevents vomitting) - even a bit of weed will help some ppl (depending on strain and how u react to weed)
u can get all these (bar the weed) thru a doctor, if u tell them ur looking at going cold turkey from opiates
suboxone, of course, wud b preferable, trust me
gd luck

 

[lady grey]

I've been taking oxys off and on for nearly 6 months now. I fractured my spine in late april and ended up getting dozens of perscriptions for over 3 months. When my ligit scripts ran out I ended up forging them and constantly doctor shopping until I nearly got busted with a fake script. By this point I could easily go through 200mg of oxycontin in one day - snorting never injecting, although at one point I had a needle in my hand for 10mins as I talked myself out of it.

When I could no longer get scripts I found another source but can now only get them every few weeks and they make a serious dent in my bank balance. It wasn't until I had to start going without oxys for week long periods that I found out how addicted I actually was to these things. I nearly lost myself completely to them and my girlfriend at the same time. I've tried to stop ordering them but moments of weakness seem to come along more often than not, so soon enough the cycle starts again. I still crave them constantly, I even broke my own rule to never score smack and scored off the street a few weeks ago to replicate the high after I couldn't score the oxys I planned to...

As I am also currently addicted to GBL (today is the first day I've stopped dosing every two hours for the past 7 weeks) my mind is working so hard to keep thinking straight that its almost unbearable. I started drug councilling last week and I have the most supportive girlfriend anyone could ever hope for so I know I'm not on my own but a life of sobriety is so foreign and scary to me that I don't even know how to start. I guess taking it one day at a time is the best idea for now. I just want to get my old self back..

I know how hard this has been and still is for you! But you should be proud of the efforts you are taking to get sober. As you know you have my support until the very end seeing you go through seizures and panic attack after panic attack has not been easy as i love you so much but i have every faith that you will get through this. No matter what it takes, i love you.

 

[cire113]

I just relapsed on oxy's and pods...

I can see a sub dr but its $350 for the initial visit and suboxne is like $400 a month

I think i am better off using the pods i picked last summer instead of dishing out $1,000 just get started back on suboxone again,, although it may be premature for maintence but maybe it can stop the bleeding


Oh yeah i have a torn Labrum and am in alot of pain its bull shit maybe i should just stick with the pods