I completely agree with the poster above me, I DO NOT ever want to be off opiates since I found how badly alcohol is and how it destroyed my life since my Dad got me started drinking when I was 17 and I was unwillingly sober for a while, then got chronic ulcerative colitis. That's when I realized how beautiful morphine is after surgery and would do it all over again if I fucking only could.
Right now however I want to just fucking blow my brains out because of the fucking toilet economy and worst of all, I made the dumbest mistake of my life a little over two years ago when I switched from suboxone to methadone, I thought methadone would get me high and get my life back. BULLSHIT, after two months of being on the crap the high stopped, no matter how much I increased my dose I felt my life slipping sadly away again. Slowly over the past year about, I have started to just shut down, lose all interest in all hobbies, am planning the perfect suicide the will not fail if I can't find a real drug source.
I just want to get a gun and risk robbing the pharmacy I'm so desperate to get off fucking methadone, this shit is driving me crazy and its not even an opiate, its a lame opioid that doesn't even compare to the high I used to get on vicodin even. All I want to do right now is fucking get Heroin and get so high and get off the fucking liquid handcuffs, I feel like I can't do shit and I fucking fucked my life now. I wound up on 250 lousy milligrams of this crap with no hope of getting high, plus I have no, absolutely not a pot to fucking piss in, just take homes to trade for real drugs with nobody to know to trade for.
I advise anyone out there who thinks they can get a legal high off methadone, DONT DO IT, you will be fucked like me and stuck with a tolerance so damn bad, that the only way I can get off this shit now is go down 10mg a week until I start getting mental discomfort around 130mg, drop to 120 which is the threshold of starting to go to the bathroom alot and stay there a while until I stabilize. Fucking war on drugs shut down the online rops so that even sucks, otherwise I would get some vicodin to get through getting back down off this crap methadone so I could get high again and live again.
I just dont give a fuck about anything right now and its pathetic, I even am on 20mg valium two times a day for my rage and anger and that doesn't help much anymore, damn I think I should just call my psychiatrist and demand to get on xanax, a stronger benzo is what I might need I think.
I think that might work because I remember way back when I first started on methadone crap and was feeling good, I started taking 5 valium at once to get a good buzz going and wound up running out of a months worth of valium in a week and a day. I forgot about benzo wd's and just went on taking my methadone everyday, strangely I felt fine for a week or two, but a week and a half before my next valium could be refilled, I got the same shitty feeling I have right now, saw the doctor at the clinic and we came to the conclusion I'm in valium wd's. He sternly warned me never to do that again and I was lucky he gave me a script to get me through till my next refill, suddenly I was myself again.
I dont know what the fuck is wrong but I just feel so depressed and dont give a flying fuck about life that I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again right now. I just sleep most the day and eat supper and go to bed at 8pm, next day same old fucking shit, different day, I'm so sick of wasting my life driving to a fucking clinic everyday when its a waste of money and time. Fuck I wish I could see a police raid on the way home or soon and all the police leave after its over with and I sneak over there and find a huge 10 pound bale of pure Heroin, I could take it and rush to my car with my heart about to explode with adrenaline as I rush home with it. Tell the clinic to go to hell and I would have enough H to last me at least a year or more.