Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

[Carl Landrover]

Honestly the only thing that's ever brought any kind the similar satisfaction and content of opiates is running. Something about it just makes me feel complete....that's why it was fucking awesome to use after a run. 8) I notice my cravings decrease quite a lot when I'm in a consistent running pattern, other than time or occasionally using (which is really difficult), I haven't found anything else. Well maybe something else

Its almost like you appreciate them way more when you're addicted.

This is so incredibly true! During a number of my relapses this summer, there was a complete high of itself just to be going out and scoring again, getting all pumped up going through whatever ritual you have. It was just the excitement of getting high and doing something you shouldn't be doing.

 

[notauniquesnowflake]

snow checking in......I've had a running love affair with all opiates for awhile now. I got clean and was ready to pretty much stay that way but due to alot of crap I find myself having to have some degree of opiate so I can move around normally.

Been having issues finding a job, seems everyone is on a hiring freeze. So naturally without money I can't go to a doctor to help resolve the constant pain I'm in. I just want to be on a regular legal prescription. I hate the high prices and running around that is involved at the moment.

 

[pallidamors]

I'm sure the PAWS goes away eventually. It has to, right? The body is quite resilient. If the nervous system can recover after a stroke why couldn't it recover after opioid addiction? My intermittent usage can't be making things any better. Maybe you can't have it both ways; perhaps you need to be firmly in one court or the other.

You are probably right. You probably have to pick intermittent usage or none at all. Otherwise you sharpen your PAWS

You know whats weird though, I don't think I'd change a thing in the grand arc of going from junkie to clean. I'd probably even start using again, its hard to explain but life seemed much more interesting when I had to wake up to the challenge of finding drugs. Maybe thats why opiates are the worst to be addicted to, theyre so insidious that you can kick them multiple times and they'll still call you back >.<

 

[InTherapy82]

Subscribed...7 days clean...used twice in the last 3 weeks, 2 days in a row, 7 days ago...used everyday for the last 10 months before that...it sucks...I have to stay clean, my marriage depends on it...if he leaves I'll probably be single forever, he's the best ever


Nov 28th still clean...yeah!

 

[the_ketaman]

Once again I had a shitty sleep due to WD's which are now gradually getting much worse. I slept about 3 hours and now I just need cigarettes and more opiates to get through the day which ill have to figure something out in a few hours. Although I keep using opiates I have cut down on the needle so much and the breaks keep getting longer and longer, im quite sure that I wont be a junky for the rest of my life. I might be an opiate addict for the rest of my life but I wont let myself shoot up any more because I am weak for it and I cant handle the lifestyle without a decent job and cleaner drugs or the mental state im usually in for that matter, and usually im pretty happy but once I stick a needle in my arm I feel all guilty for a few days. It just takes too much of a toll.

Lots of methadone would be awesome right now so it just lasts ages, thats(methadone addiction) another thing I will do my best to stay away from, scary stuff.

Hows everyones day going, are you guys high or suffering?

 

[Carl Landrover]

Everyday gets a little bit better! :D

Though, sometime after 5 everyday, I get the feeling that I dearly want to get loaded. I don't care if it's opiates, coke, adderall, or just getting piss drunk, that's what I want. Fortunately I recognize they're just cravings and I just end up smoking weed, which appropriately fills the void. It's still tough though and I've admittedly gotten lucky with people not answering their phone at select times or me having other things to do preventing even making a purchase.

 

[Ruski Nath]

This day sucked. Woke up for class and smoked a little bud to get myself centered, but something unexpected happened.

I was only buzzed, but I was really in touch with my body physically, I could sorta 'feel' everything. Suddenly I could feel all the damage these opiates did to my body; I'd never felt this worn down before. Scary shit.

Yeah I think I'm going to start running like Carl said, just cause that worked in the past and so my body can heal itself. I think everyone should try it if they can.

 

[the_ketaman]

^^Most kinds of exercise is really good especially if your a drug user or even just a smoker. I do my surfing and I can say that if I get the chance to surf really good, challenging waves for a week straight then im going to feel absolutely amazing by the end of that week. The good surf season has just started :D

I ended up dosing, 80mg and I still feel sick but I feel high too, the sickness is from not enough sleep and all the throwing up ive been doing and nothing helps it except smoking pot...PLUS, everyone and their dog around here is sick atm so im just getting the tail end of it(Im a considerably fit person). I am starting to get Audio hallucinations and I think smoking pot may have something to do with it but ive never had this before apart from on meth and I can now say that most of the bad shit that happens when your on meth is from no sleep and no food, not so much the actual meth(amphetamine). I cant sleep in the day time, I will just go to bed and get bored so I stay here.

I might just have to try my luck with bedtime soon. I send my love to all you helpers and the dopefeinds too, only you guys can have any idea what is happening right now. Time is just going so, so fast its crazy.

Anyway peace guys and gals and take it easy, :D

P.S Does anyone have any personal favourite foods that they dont hurl up when feelisg shitty from opes? I cant seem to eat anything either while on them or WD'ing because it comes back up an hour or 2 later, the nausea only went away for me when I was using and IV'ing a shitload and more tolerant than I am now, im grateful its not that bad and wont get that bad.

 

[Depone]

hang in there ketaman...dont beat yourself up to much...that goes for everyone, shit is hard to get off, the intial stages are brutal...but it does get better a day at a time.

 

[drug_wench]

wen i was going thru withdrawal i cudnt keep down anything a lot of the time - and like u i was a meth user too, which didnt help
do u hav ensure in ur country? its a liquid food (that actually tastes quite gd IMO) designed for cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy - its really easy on the stomach and u dont lose too much weight on it
u can b prescribed it - if u tell ur doctor ur coming off opiates and ask for ensure they r pretty sure to let u hav it cos its not like ur drug-seeking or anything!
i was lucky in that my cousin had like crateloads of the stuff from wen his mate who had cancer was staying at our familys hunting lodge/horse ranch - the guy died in the end and that left my cousin with shitloads of ensure
the other food i cud keep down is a soup called consomme (sp?) - its basically a really thin soup made from (almost entirely) beef stock and it tastes surprisingly gd
i hadnt had opiate cravings for a looooong time (the needle yes, the drugs no) but suddenly, being in mild benzo withdrawal, im all anxious and my muscles and head ache so im craving a bit of homebake to take the feelings away
im also not going to NA atm cos im so anxious, so i dont hav the same support network for drug cravings
my friend (who i really shudnt b seeing since shes relapsed but ffs, shes a gd friend) rang up today to see how im doing regarding the benzo withdrawal and wen i said i was anxious as fuck and a bit sore she offered me some oxycodone
it took all the fucking willpower in the world to say no - in a way im lucky im too fucking anxious to drive over to her place atm!
oh well, sorry that was long - ketaman, hope u got something out of the food thing

 

[GbizzleMcGrizzle]

I've been clean from heroin for 7 weeks, well i've quit more times than i can count, but now i'm seeing a suboxone doctor. So now that mom is paying for the doc I feel like i should stay clean for her sake, and it's fall and winer isn't a good time to be homeless. But shit man, I want to get high I want to get that rush. and more than that, the longer i sit around unable to find a job, here in upstate ny, the more i wat to get high, the more i wish i was a jukie again.... I mean I love sooing dope and now I don't have anything to do so why not bang a few bags a day. I think my best out is to find an ex junkie girl, I've dated straight girls and they couldn't keep me off dope and the junkie girls well they they made my habit better, but junkie girls are crazy and don't ever want to fuck. So ho knows... NA meetings are bullshit, just a bunch of crap, smoking pot or snorting some coke every few days isn't an adiciton, it's bearly a habit. And all those whining fucks at AA and NA just make me want to get high all the more. I think i'm destined to end up being a junky till I die/

 

[drug_wench]

... NA meetings are bullshit, just a bunch of crap, smoking pot or snorting some coke every few days isn't an adiciton, it's bearly a habit. And all those whining fucks at AA and NA just make me want to get high all the more. I think i'm destined to end up being a junky till I die/

not to derail the thread but theres not much whining at the meetings i go to - maybe uve just bn to the wrong meetings
and smoking pot and going on coke binges is an addiction for some ppl - addictions not really something to compare.....if ur addicted to something ur addicted to it, no matter wat the substance is, no matter wat ur withdrawals r like
ive come off opiates, but ive also had a problem with meth.....and marijuana....and the pot problem was no less of a problem than the other 2 really
no ones destined to b a junkie till they die - sometimes it just takes a little open-mindedness and willingness to go as far as it takes to change
gd luck

 

[Depone]

spot on DW.

just try dif meetings...look for the simalarities not the differences.

good luck mc grizzle.

 

[DudeImnotDAVE]

Keta - or anyone quitting

You said something in a few posts back that really hit home. *You just cant get high anymore*

When the high is gone, its gone. After all the years of opiate addiction I have suffered and all its taken from me, I wish I had quit once the high was gone. But I didnt. I started snorting. I changed drugs. I moved up.. and up.. and still, it was gone.

There have been several times when I am SURE I suffered od's. And would wake up and hit again, just trying for ONE fucking minute to grab that warm milky feeling that slid over me the first few times.

But it doesn't come back.


Trust me, cut your losses. If you read my post, you see I stop. I wd. I suffer.

And then I score.

And stop. And wd. And sufferr.

As Chic said once, Wash, rinse and repeat.

I feel for ya man. If you ever want to talk, hit me with a pm.


Love ya, junkies.... DIND

 

[eon_blue]

Late checking in...

Almost 7 months of no heroin or other opiates for me. Haven't had a drink in longer than that, although I have to be honest with myself and admit that I highly doubt I'll never have another beer again. Oddly enough though, telling myself that it's not worth it today and I'll worry about it tomorrow has kept me sober for this long so who knows what the future really holds.

Anyway, what's up my fellow suffering and/or recovering junkies? :D

 

[drug_wench]

still craving big-time
talked to my friend again and now shes got smack as well - didnt even know it but apparently smacks back quite big-time in auckland
havnt had smack in.....a long time.....it kind of went off the market here (apart from that shitty tar stuff) for a few yrs and.......ooooh stop fantasizing, DW

 

[McFly]

Decided to stop my oxy/h use after a year of daily wastedness and manged about 5 days before cracking and huunting some smack about 2 months ago. Went clean for a couple of days last week for starting my new job but it was too much and had to go score and been on a bit of a binge since. Now went to get today and had to piss about with my dealer for 3 hours then got bored and fucked off home, went back to see if she was home and get some (i stupidly gave her £40 upfront to help her get her shit and now shes hasnt been home and i'm really starting to freak out big time. I dont wanna WD, i really dont and the only other number i have is bit sketchy. Been taking dhc tabs to heklp keep me grounded but it aint workingi'm bouncing off the wallsan dif i dont get later i gonna be fucked

This is so incredibly true! During a number of my relapses this summer, there was a complete high of itself just to be going out and scoring again, getting all pumped up going through whatever ritual you have. It was just the excitement of getting high and doing something you shouldn't be doing.

That is so true its unreal, and i was gonna post something similar.

 

[chicpoena]

I was clean for a little over a month, recently relapsed (due to an event which triggered it).
Really suffering. Very long story (I was going to make a new thread), but wanted to say one thing.

I poured my heart out to my father and sister last night. Tried explaining to them shit about myself and my addiction. My boyfriend came over, and on his cell phone was a text from my sister, which read (in part): “…she was saying shit from when she was like 11 and trying to blame it all on me.”

Completely mocking everything I had said. After they repeatedly reassured me that they cared about me, and the like, this really bugs the fuck out of me. I couldn’t sleep at all. Really suffering.

This is the same exact shit my family does. I didn't talk to them for well over a year and I thought they would learn. NOPE. I was upset about some family drama and poured my heart out to my dad. So what does he do? He goes straight to my mom (who he hates, and is divorced from) and tells her that I am having a mental breakdown because I moved to a big city and its all her fault for helping me move. All of this IN FRONT OF my little brother, of course. I was upset about him not being honest with me about his relationship with his new girlfriend and I have no idea why he started telling my mom how I much I hate living far away, etc. And I was just like, WHAT THE FUCK!

So I texted him (somewhat immaturely) 'if you have something to say to me say it to my fucking face' he called back immediately and said "what was that about." When I confronted him he said "Oh, well I just assumed that moving was why you were upset" very conveniently IGNORING everything I had said to him. Then he said, "well, I got it. Gotta go" and hung up on me.

Suffice it to say both my parents know why I'm mentally fucked up. Both of them know about my struggle with opiates and are generally very supportive about my addiction. They understand why I like to numb things out. In fact, my father once said it was 'inevitable' that I would eventually become an addict, and he realized it 4 years before I ever even touched a drug back when I was 14. But one would think, if they REALIZE that what they're doing hurts someone intensely, they would stop.

But no

and let me just add that it feels GREAT to be a thousand miles away from all their insanity.

 

[Georgie25]

I was feeling like most of you guys until I just snorted a bag of some powder.

It sucks only feeling good while high...

 

[eon_blue]

I was feeling like most of you guys until I just snorted a bag of some powder.

It sucks only feeling good while high...

I got sober and my life still sucks balls sometimes, but at least I don't have a huge monkey on my back making everything that much worse.

Plus, you'll know you've hit a wall when you can't even properly numb your emotions out anymore (ie:can't get "high" while high).