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Heroin/Opiates : The #1 outsider question: Why?

Because it's such a GOOD DRUG

I got into it really suddenly and accidentally. My ex boyfriend lived with an H dealer and my friend had just started using. I thought I would just try it ONCE, and honestly I blame the media hype about heroin for that (becoming addicted to it was my fault obviously). Trying it seemed so forbidden and dangerous it really appealed to me.

Then I discovered what a good drug it was, and some of the best moments of my life have been heroin days. You can't really understand why it's addicting until you've done it, and you can't really understand how destructive and painful it is until it's fucked you over. I don't buy the bullshit of "I didn't know I was becoming addicted." All addicts notice they're addiction is spiraling, they just chose not to look at it. But we all see our bank accounts depleting, notice our trips to the dealer increasing, and how much of our day is spent getting high or obtaining the chemicals to do so. Drugs are just SO GOOD that we don't care.
 
I have a few friends that are so bad on Herion and Dilaudid that they pulled a Dick Cheney, and will actually shoot them selves in their arms, and legs (saying that they were hunting.) I used to have an awful addiction to Dilaudids back a year ago. It got to the point that I was so bad I'd miss the shot in both of my arms, and it would leave a huge abscess, and I'd actually go through them with the needle to try to find a vein. I got to the point that this was stupid, and detoxed my self using Kava Kava. I don't really like fucking around with Suboxone or methadone because that's just replacing on addiction to another. Good luck my friend, Just remember all the diseases you can catch by IV.
 
SececaRD said:
I beleive addicts go into using heroin with he mindset of "Ill never let that happen to me, Im too strong" not realizing how strong the drug really is. Before you know it youve crossed that line and theres no going back. Very few go into it with the intensions of becoming a junkie.
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I don't think the above is always the case.

I've always been rather self-aware and my penchant for addictions has been a facet of my personality that I've long recognized. I had struggled with cocaine for a couple of years (and got off of it too) before I ever shot dope for the first time at age 18, so i knew a bit about addiction and my own susceptibility. A band-mate and a room-mate both confronted me about my h usage rather quickly. My response was something along the lines of "i really really like this drug, so, no i'm not going to stop just yet. I won't miss rehearsals/gigs and I won't be late on rent and thats about all you guys need concern yourselves with." I had no delusions that I would just do it once; from the outset, it was sort of a sick adventure in my mind. The drug felt amazingly great and the crazy lifestyle that is maintaining a dope habit had the strangest allure... i was getting into junkie literature, as well as kearouac, mckenna, leary, and jerry garcia biographies at the same time and it all felt like some sort of bizarre coming of age ritual of self-discovery...


I let those around me that were concerned know that I would likely get worse before I got better. I did. I went into it knowing that I would follow that path down as far as I dared and then probably a little bit further. I never kidded myself that I would just be a weekend user. At no point did I ever imagine that I would get off scot-free, and I didn't-- I failed out of university, total'd my car, then finally OD'd which got me to stop (at that point) when I did. Each step of the way made sense, in its on twisted fashion and was not unexpected in the least.

I've never considered myself "done" with opiates, even though I've put as much as 18 months together clean. Every time I go back for a month, six month, year long run with them, I know going in that there will be hell to pay during and after, but the drug is so damn good and the hole in my heart is so damn large...
 
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Nice response, Tuskface. I do think that for a whole lotta people, the drug is just good and you don't care about what you know is coming. You choose heroin and all the destruction it brings.
It must seem like a stupid thing to want to do, it still does to me, but it's just this compulsion to.. i don't know, drop everything and have the drug envelope you in its warm laugh.

Alot of people here have talked about a void in their life, or depression, or just feeling bad for whatever reason so they turned to heroin. I realise that's common, but it's not always the case. Alot of people, me included, just really fucking love it regardless of how much good they already have in their life. It's not just a drug for the depressed and lonely.
 
Georgie25 said:
Why do I do heroin? because it feels good. Like in trainspotting it said : if it didn't feel good we wouldn't do it! At times all the bad shit junkies live through is worth getting high for. It's hard to explain unless you've lived the junkie life.
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AMEN!!!I thought the same exact line from Trainspotting as soon as I read the first post!LMAO!

"RENTON: People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shite, which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it. When you're on junk you have only one worry: scoring. When you're off it you are suddenly obliged to worry about all sorts of other shite. Got no money: can't get pished. Got money: drinking too much. Can't get a bird: no chance of a ride. Got a bird: too much hassle. You have to worry about bills, about food, about some football team that never fucking wins, about human relationships and all the things that really don't matter when you've got a sincere and truthful junk habit."

It's a best friend,lover,master,mistress,your worst enemy,a lying cheating scam artist.It's a lifestyle.It's a love.It's a relationship all its own.

And you will NEVER understand it unless you live it.Period.I never understood it until I became a junkie.

Just my 2 cents!;)
 
MidnightBaby said:
Nice response, Tuskface. I do think that for a whole lotta people, the drug is just good and you don't care about what you know is coming. You choose heroin and all the destruction it brings.
It must seem like a stupid thing to want to do, it still does to me, but it's just this compulsion to.. i don't know, drop everything and have the drug envelope you in its warm laugh.

Alot of people here have talked about a void in their life, or depression, or just feeling bad for whatever reason so they turned to heroin. I realise that's common, but it's not always the case. Alot of people, me included, just really fucking love it regardless of how much good they already have in their life. It's not just a drug for the depressed and lonely.
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Bingo. I have a pretty good life and all of the trappings that go with that, before during and after active Heroin addiction. I'm on MMT, but I plan on going back to junk eventually. I never thought I was 'stronger' or smarter than anyone else; when I first felt withdrawal symptoms and realized it was from shooting dope (fact: most addicts have a blind spot to their habit until the symptoms and signs can no longer be explained), I chose to continue shooting dope rather than stop before it got worse.

Someone said the nod is why; and I don't agree with that.

I used Heroin for the rush and the warm, prickly Histamine flowing sensation that follows. Heroin is very energetic for me; it makes me want to go out and get shit done, and get shit done I did- best drug for work (Amphetamines made me too anxious and compulsive to finish tasks properly).

It makes the good things in life better. Sex, love, good food, music, any pleasurable activity is amplified to another level. Nodding out always got in the way; I used to hate waking up from nodding because I'd think "oh shit I just wasted x amount of time sleeping while high"

Contrary to popular myth, most Heroin users are not addicts and will never be addicts. Dr.Dole, father of Methadone Maintenance, included in his body of work studies on rates of addiction among Heroin users. His estimate was that 1 in 50 people who ever use Heroin will pursue it to addiction. Most people who use Heroin are chippers who use once a week, once a month, or longer inbetween. "Joy Bangers" as Burroughs called them.
 
And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?


Another Renton quote that pretty much explains it all. Can't remember if it was in the book but it is in the movie.
 
Heroin is very energetic for me; it makes me want to go out and get shit done, and get shit done I did- best drug for work (Amphetamines made me too anxious and compulsive to finish tasks properly).
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That's a point I think a lot of people miss, even people who are intimately involved with the drug; either using it or working with people that use it. The image of the average heroin addict just nodding off is a misconception.
Most of the heroin users I've known well, including myself, rarely nodded off - at least not without adding another sedative. It was used just like you said, almost like a stimulant to get things done and to enhance every other aspect of life.

Nodding out always got in the way; I used to hate waking up from nodding because I'd think "oh shit I just wasted x amount of time sleeping while high"
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I believe that if heroin made me nod I never would have been addicted to it. :|



As to the original question of why...
I believe that dependence often sneaks up on people. Sure they know that it's a possibility, but it's something that you have to work on and builds up gradually. Here's a nice flow chart recently created by lacey. It shows the common path taken by newer generation of pharm--->heroin users.
As for why people get addicted, I think that's something personal and unique to the user. Some become addicted because heroin helps cover up something in their life, some become addicted to the life style, while others become addicted to the actual effects. Getting to why someone is addicted is never as easy as "it's a disease" or "I was genetically predisposed to it."
In my experience, it's usually a combination of dependence, and the various personal factors of addiction.
 
Tuskface said:
They (being school, media, gov't, parents, conventional wisdom, etc) lie about the dangers of pot, the dangers of hallucinogens, the dangers of the occasional drink. So a headstrong youth who has been lied to about other drugs (and basically everything else in western society, for that matter) by all traditional "authority figures" has ample reason to doubt them when they preach the perils of heroin.

And it feels so damn good, what could possibly go wrong?
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and this.

Thats where I'm at these days. I've been on this ride before. I know that it doesn't end well. But when life seems pointless and painful anyway and you've got this method of alleviating some of the pain, maybe even getting some pleasure out of the bargain, now, today, well...
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I will post, because, although I haven't done heroin, I have had my fingers burnt, slightly, with dihydrocodeine (DF's) and I use kratom regularly, but not daily.

I know heroin would piss all over them, but reading this thread, I felt like I shared bits of the midset, and also I know many people who have struggled with heroin. I am mercifully lucky, that I know some dealers (not through heroin) who would refuse to serve, should I ask.
A clucking heroing user, aint a pretty sight.
I think, aside from the cluck there are psychological issues, which is the main part of the fight against drugs.
I swallowed the propaganda about all drugs until well into my adulthood, and now, after having used most, but crack/smack, I feel more fear now, about what the 'big 2'drugs can do to a person, than I did before.
It is actually easier to score smack, than cannabis here.

I think it is soul destroying to know that there are many people who feel their lives are painful, and pointless, so much so, that they seek to allieviate the pain with drugs designed for cancer.
This is a cancer in itself, not a physical one, but a cancer of the soul.
No life is pointless, but many people, sadly feel that their life is.

I liked the physical buzz of DF118- dihydrocodeine but it just numbed my overwhelming feelings of despair.
There is a darkness aspect to opiates, and despair is a part of the reason for use.
Me and a heroin user were chatting once, and I said herion use seemed like temporary suicide, and the user agreed.

Every gouged out user we see, or every opiate pill we ourselves drop, is just another grim reminder that there are many people out there, made so miserable, that they would rather not be here.

Last words, in my (admittedly limited) expereince, opiate use is driven by despair as much as the nice buzz. Sometimes, the user may not be aware, like I wasn't.
 
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"RENTON: People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shite, which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it. When you're on junk you have only one worry: scoring. When you're off it you are suddenly obliged to worry about 'all sorts of other shite. Got no money: can't get pished. Got money: drinking too much. Can't get a bird: no chance of a ride. Got a bird: too much hassle. You have to worry about bills, about food, about some football team that never fucking wins, about human relationships and all the things that really don't matter' when you've got a sincere and truthful junk habit."
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I don't forget the pleasure aspect of opiates, especially those reports by heroin users.
Heroin users, are not fucking stupid, as renton says.
I can sympathise with the motivation to try the forbidden fruit.
Renton, also says, that when your not on the gear 'all sorts of other shite', such as real life.
Heroin is the backdoor which the wanna be dead go through, temporarily, because it takes them away from their lives.
I enjoy kratom, and other opiates, but I want to enjoy my life, as it is, as well. I don't want to feel like I need a back door to walk out of, to escape my own life.
 
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I started doing opiates, percsts and ultram, just for fun. I was really impressed by how well they took away my depression. For my whole life I have been depressed and its depressing. SO I thought that I would add a little spice 2 my life by switching up using and non using days. That fell through pretty quickly. Like borroughs says: "a junkie always has an excuse." Id always say "last hit last hit" For the first 4 months of my opiate addiction I lived in toronto and spent about 40 dollars a day on oxycontin. If I didn't get oxy, I would lie in bed miserable, alone, and scared. Very scared. So I would make the trips. It felt like such a relief to actually have some dope in my hand. I decided enough was enough. I moved to a town outside of Toronto(big city) with the goal in mind to quit this shit.

I did quit it, for about 3 days. The weakness that I felt was too much for me to handle though. I had a lot of things that I needed to accomplish and I was more depressed than ever.

So I started using again. Mostly hydromorphine then. Hydromorphine was a weird drug that made me feel very dreamy, but it gave me energy and took the weird mental head fuck away.
Eventually I built a tolerance up til I could do 1 80 in a line, and not feel very high. So for the past 5 months I have been scrounging up atleast 60 dollarsa day for some 80's. And If I cant get them I can get the 100mcg fent patches for 20 bucks. Fentanyl is gross btw. It made me sick from taking it for an extended period of time.


Bottom line... I took drugs because I was so depressed that I couldn't function.
 
I got hooked on heroin slowly. the physical side of it is not that hard to get rid of, it's the cravings that never seem to go away. it's been almost a year since I last shot heroin and boy, do I miss it alot. it seemed to make life so much kinder and gentler and less of a hassle. i still smoke pot but it's not the same anymore (sigh)
 
Personally, for me, it was breaking that one last f#cking taboo - doing something that basically every single person I know would be shocked to hear that I did. For an upper-middle class whiteboy, there's something surreal and exciting about being in places and situations that I had absolutely no place in.

For me, it's always been something that I might do once a month, probably less, and I'll sit and smoke a gram of it.
 
why? because it feels DAMNED good thats why. I used to steal bottles of expired vicodin and T3's out of my grandparents medicine cabinet when I was about 15-16, then just lay in bed and bask in the couple hours of waves of pleasure. even found an old bottle of codiene/promethezine syrup (purple drank like southern rappers rap about lol), I'm glad I was forced to stop when they were gone. Doc prescribes vicodin for the excruciating pain of a bad ear infection recently and I made the wise choice of giving it to my mother to give it to me as prescibed and then flush them when the antibiotics started working and the pain was gone.

I guess I'm an insider that way and to sound like nancy reagan, just say no to opiates. lol,
 
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