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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Cheshire_Kat

Heroin - IV/snort - very experienced. - I am heroin, and heroin is me.

SF, i agree when i go away to college i will have a lot more responsibilities and won't be able to maintain a drug schedual and a social life and school you know hah. so it just has to stop.

and you're telling me! haha tolerance is the demon , mine is so high for weed and opiates it sucks :'(. but thats the price you pay for running off it everyday for so long.. and no i do not but i am right where i need to be on the path to graduating on time and all that and got a $10,000 scholarship to a decent college.

this is the night of day 4 since my last shot and today has probolly been the worst day as far as tempations go. im starting with the "ohh i havnt done it for 4 days! i can do it once without gettin hooked back on it" .
 
te0x2t, trust me, i know the abilities of these drugs and their potential for healing especially with mushrooms, last summer when i ate 6 grams of some amazing golden caps i found myself under what i called the "mother tree" by myself repeating "i dont need this shit i dont need any of this shit..!" ripping my cigarettes in half and throwing them all over the place, (theres soo much more to this story but thats for another TR someday. ) and whenever i come down of mushrooms i FIEND for H cuz they are always soo intense (i like to eat alot ;) ) and i feel like H on the comedown just fucking grounds me and makes me feel amazing and gets rid of that weird shroomy comedown feeling i get in my stumacch.
 
LOL come on man it's like you're writing for US Weekly or some anonymous letter in a white-bread magazine. This is Bluelight. Mothafucking Blue. Light! most of us know how you feel/how you are going to feel/and can probably predict your actions later.

It's sort of insulting to insinuate none of us here are functional junkies, that you have some sort of edge on this furtive drug habit while maintaining appearances in real life. But again you are young. At least you're having these these conflicting thoughts. Some are in late age before they acquire the wisdom you seem to have. good luck kickin bro~
 
i just tried to make the story interesting and readable damn my bad, and im not implying that everyone on here is a straight junkie? i know everyone on here goes to work and lives a normal life .. im not saying that at all. im not special i know that
 
i in no way was attempting to insult anyone by writing this, my apologies if you percieve it to be that way, that was not my intention.
 
dopesmoke420 said:
yes kikkroxx i understand that heroin isn't really a "trip" inducing drug and this isn't really an explanation of a trip per-say but, it's a report of my drug use and it was my first post ever so you know i wasn't really sure where to put it and all that, my apologies..
Click to expand...
all love brotha,
didnt mean to come across sarcastic
 
so gimme a lil trip report? how did your first time feel? i have never but have been thinking much about stuff in the past not so much now.
I like the scene in breaking bad when the drug dealin kid does heroin for the first time and it shows him fall back restfully eyes get bloody bloody shot and he floats all the way to the ceiling. Done in a real artistic way...
 
Frightening,,jesus, that was me along time back, I started at 19 ( I too convinced myself I was managing it, I'm now 44+ still on a script (ok,,not actually had h habit 4 12mnths ),it really was frightening to read that, please don't get me wrong,,I aint dissing u, the mere 4ght of doing so has my APE in histerics,(is a nasty bastard),one way or another,,there are only junkies,,eventually,no way around that, you have probs now,if u don't quit,boy they are only gonna get worse. If you have trouble getting a vien now, it won;t be too long before your digging your groin ( I felt like a born again junkie when i discovered mine! ),having that nipple down there aint nice.
The 1st time you kick is the easiest, by far,,hey,'' kicken is easy,,I've DONE I LOADS OF TIMES '', you know,, if you can find the streangh,quit while you are ahead my friend, you can double the pain every time,trust someone who knows+don't find it out 4 ur'self,,please, the depression, gear is not the answer,,thats a bicth when you know it's the best anti-D by miles,,it just becomes a viscious circle, get some help with that,. Have you tried taking a higher dose of subutex? i've found there to be a level for every one,, the longer you can leave it, the sicker you are, the better the result, just a thought.
I honestly do wish you all the luck inthe world with this, the truth is that your gonna hear her calling for a longtime yet,,maybe forever,,but it beats the ulternative by miles,,I know it sounds sad,,+ i'm no 12 stepper, but one day at a time really is the way to go, aslong as they may seem at times. Really, from someone who's been where you are,a brother in junk,save yourself aload of hasle,,grief+hurt, dig deap+find the streangh, you are worth a hell of alot more than what could be install for you, it may take sometime before you find '' clean+seriene '' ( I'm still looking! ),ut clean of junk is a better place to be.
Your not going to '' feel just like jesus's son '' for much longer if you carry on, thats just not the way it works.
All the very best to you, with this battle+in the rest of your life,,stay safe, with love+light.
P.S,, sorry for spelling+grammer,such a lazey typer!
 
i'de like to watch that kikk.

i havn't shot up or anything in 12 days suboxone helped me through the worste first week also with marijuana , but i just relapsed today after 2 weeks of not doing it so i feel that i can controll myself and not pick up a bunch cuz i cant go back to that everyday i just had the worste week of my life nd felt like slitting wrists today and i just randomly happened to get a hook for it since i cut myself off from my only other hook so i wouldnt be tempted to buy any..
 
you can write for sure. And you got good taste in music :) I write for a newspaper, I too am an opiate addict. It took me longer to find it..not till my late 20s, but it took my soul, just like many a fellow bluelighters. I maintained for 6 years without any family or friends knowing (didn't use the needle though thank god). You speak of depression- I too was self medicating for depression/anxiety. Opiates are like a warm blanket. Eventually you'll realize you're like a child that can't let go of his blanket. You're romanticizing the drug but it's not romantic. It's like a lying, conniving, cheating bitch that sucks you in with lust. You think it's true love but it's not. My advice- come clean with your folks and get on suboxone. It's changed my life around. Bupe keeps me functional- therapy, NA and yoga is helping me escape the addict mindset. Since you're a gifted writer, I assume you've fallen for the Beats, Burroughs, Bukowski. Us artists and writers have a weakness for opiates it's true. And while it makes for great literature and music- is it worth destroying your life? You can quit now, have experienced it and be a better writer and a better person. It's more than just the pyhsical aspect that wrecks you- it takes over your life and prevents you from truly living. I've gone through a failed marriage and another 6 yr relationship, stayed in a dead end job, missed out on a lot- all because I was blinded by my addiction. Now that I'm on the other side, I'm starting to see the light and see all the oppurtunities I have. I'm not going to dwell on my past mistakes, I'm going to work like hell to have a better future. Best of luck..
 
awe man try not to go back and forth, smoke alot of pot or something man. But its a one way. and you know it. i suppose watching that scene would be like porn man.

you can watch the scene on youtube under BREAKING BAD "jesse Does Heroin" but i wouldnt man if its gonna send you back... thought youd want to see it tho, i know i would

My demon was Krystal and Coke mixed and snorted.
I had to join the military and basically move my life to another part of the country, now stationed in ak. thus cutting off all connections, ties, acquaintances, and affiliates. i couldnt get away. id do exactly what you said go clean for 2 weeks. hit it up. the time that i was clean however began to diminish. it was harder and harder because all of my friends constantly wanted it and i was the go to guy because i knew the cartel member with the purest quality. So every other day or so im railing a line and/OR taking a couple rocks out of their sac before transaction. you gotta lose the circle man even Move. thats what it took for me. An even now a year of being clean ill still call my dealer to see if his phone was ever reactivated. i still have the URGE often times to head to the city and look for a score. But i cant man, i know where that will leave me. Sleepless nights, fucked up nose, Extremely rude and impatient with my loved ones, that awful 24/7 desire to do more and more not to mention ive got an important job to do that keeps us all safe! dont want responsibility like that in a junkies hands, right!

You can do it bro i found we all have addictions when we lose one we just replace it with another. i say you get your medi card and Sail high on them High Seas Brotha...
GL
 
Cant comment on opiates but can comment plenty on addiction. I am an alcoholic who swapped drink for chemicals, by brother is a junkie who swapped for alcohol. Cant help but think we both got it wrong somewhere.

Anyway, an addict is an addict no matter the substance. Some are just easier to get hold of. The mindset of an addict is the same regardless. lie cheat and do whatever you can to get the next fix basically.

I got off alcohol 10 years ago in AA, my brother used NA.

Not saying its a solution for everyone or even that its any good but for my main life destroying habit it has worked so far.
 
art i loved the way you described that, couldn't have put it better myself... and yeah suboxone helped me go 15 days without it and than since ive done it 3 times which is a HUGE cutback from 3 times a day to going 15 days without it.. but i'm still holding onto the threading of the blanket i can't fully let it go yet.. i don't want too but i have to sooner or later or it will take me.
 
kikk, yeah you know the feeling , you know how hard it is, im trying to leave this behind me , also just started therapy hope that will help with my depression and help me figure out some shit in my life. i was also planning on joining the military.. have wanted to since i was young.

"faggot" - im not even going to comment on what you just said.. re-think your name before you post on my thread punkass. thanks :)
 
thanks for all the support and advice guys it means a lot and i take everything everyone says to heart to try and better myself and for my health, thank you.

, dopesmoke420
 
dopesmoke420 said:
thank you man, yeah this was the first time i actually came out and admitted it to anyone but myself.. it was a tough decision but i felt like i needed to get it out there, and yeah thoes weeks are already hard enough without the constant body ache and sleepless nights going cold turkey induces.. but i understand i really cannot endup there.. i can't.

and they really do and it's disgusting how much people judge other people especially when their own hands aren't clean but who am i to tell them what to do. just have to ignore them and keep on movin on..
and mdma is an amazing substance hehe<3=].
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Hey Dopesmoke,

Did you know for some people high doses of Gabapentin or Pregababalin can help you kick easy. Take them for 7 to 10 days whem you would be experiencing acute withdrawal. And at the same time start taking a strong antidepressant like Paxil or Mirtatzapine, these will help alleviate any post acute withdrawal. Take up a sport like long distance running or cycling, these will help produce the nautural endorphin highs, to replace the highs from H or other opaites.

Kind regards

KHH
 
EDIT: All of this is more of the same everyone said, I didn't realise the thread has 4 pages...
Anyway I hope you the best.

To the OP:

I thought the same as you, that I was a functional junkie. You are obviously not the first, nor the last, and for god's sake not the only one, out there there are THOUSANDS of daily heroin (or other "strong" opiates/oids) users that try to cover their habit and to have a "normal" life.

But if you are an ADDICT -and with "addict" I mean someone who needs their dose 3 times a day or they shit in the pants or simply they are unable to stand still- this has an end.

You can not pretend forever, or hide your track marks forever, lie forever if you IV heroin or snort high amounts just to maintain the habit or to have fun.

It's simply not possible, for a LOT of reasons, which I hope some of them you can imagine.

Another thing is to be a chipper or ocasional opiate user, or someone who uses them just for pain managment. This last case is also fucked up as opies create tolerance quite fast and you need more to ease the same pain...

I was ocasional heroin drug user for almost 3 years without ANY addiction problem, niente. Then I got depressed and I get hooked, I wanted, I didn't mind to get addicted, I thought life was not worth, so, "let's enjoy it shooting heroing, who the fuck care, nothing really matters!" that's why I get addicted. Worst idea ever. Well, if it was not for that, maybe I would never decided to IV it and have one of the best experiences I had, but anyway is not worth everything I've done while I was an H addict.

You can hide it, for a while, but in one way or another someone at work or school or whatever will realise and you will get fucked up.

Get help or detox by yourself as soon as possible. Maybe you can start really enjoying opiates after being detoxed for a while. Some people can... Will power.

Shoting heroin and you are 17, my brother's age, I just can't imagine him passing through the shit I passed...

You just have to REALLY want to stop it. Taper as down as possible, then detox with Clonidine, Loperamide, and maybe some benzos or sleep aids for example... Stay out from opiates for at least half a year... smoke weed, trip or do some ecstasy on weekends...

Opiate addiction is the worst. You feel great when high, but then you pay the price if you do it more than you should. Try to keep it ocasional, like I think you did with shrooms or dmt.

Don't screw your life too soon. And remember that ocasional use of opiates is possible, is just willpower and knowing what is going to happen if you do too much. Simple as that.
Think that it's not a "forever good-bye", is a "see you later". At least is what I want to do when I get rid of my 0.1mg habit of subs.

I guess you don't need to go more into deeper shit to see what's going on. Take the correct way. I know that is "your life" and you can do whatever you want with it, but think in what the people you love see you depending on this shit that is not even heroin, is a mix of shit with a bit of real drug.

Fight for what you really want, not for what your body needs because of your habit. If you want to get some day pure heroin, start doing it, grow your own poppies, get the knowledge to purify morphine and transform it to heroin, or fight for a world where you could get drugs legal and pure and where people knows how to take them... I don't know man, whatever you want to do.

But first, get clean of it, it's a miserable life, maybe not now, but it will be.

Those are my two cents.

Cheers.
 
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Meth/Quite a load - Very- Married to Dope.
I am right there with you, its a sad sad fact of being addicted, Ive been saying that same thing to myself for a year now, and well its quite a shame, Hence married to dope
Its a part of my life, and at the moment I cant imagine never touching it again, It makes me anxious. SO your not alone. Not one bit, its what all us addicts especially us IV users feel.
(: to lighten the mood
 
Mylove said:
Meth/Quite a load - Very- Married to Dope.
I am right there with you, its a sad sad fact of being addicted, Ive been saying that same thing to myself for a year now, and well its quite a shame, Hence married to dope
Its a part of my life, and at the moment I cant imagine never touching it again, It makes me anxious. SO your not alone. Not one bit, its what all us addicts especially us IV users feel.
(: to lighten the mood
Click to expand...

that's exactly how i feel.. alone and hopeless, it's a little more reassuring to know there are people where im at, go through the same pain and struggles as me if not worse and hopefully there are some people who have successfully quit after being helplessy addicted to such a power drug as heroin and i can get their stories and learn from them to better my life, my future,
thank you , you did lighten my mood=]
 
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