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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Cheshire_Kat

Heroin - IV/snort - very experienced. - I am heroin, and heroin is me.

yeah we should really talk.. its been a couple weeks since i wrote this and i think ive made it one day without medicating. i tried going today without it but the aching in my whole body was goddamn near unbearable and i was released from work early (due to the weather, it's a seasonal job) so i had 2 hours that i was planning on working and trying to make it through that first day but when i got home, the free time, the reasoning started.. just a line you know you've been at school and working all day what's one line? right? right... it's honestly rediculus how this shit makes you think when you want what you know you can't have..

and yeah it doesn't help that i was already depressed before i started doin dope. . and i realize that it's not going to go away trust me haha, i can see a awful lot of sleepless nights in the future without dope. i remember when it used to be fun to hangout and drive to the hood with my friend and just snortin it, then he started bangin it and than i followed then that is where the fun stopped and the constant struggle to run away from my withdrawls began.. nothing relates to the feeling. nothing. ofcourse you probolly already know this .. :P but shit , noone else understands.
 
I have a spot for delusional opiate addicts (describes myself for 7/8 years of my active addiction) and always feel the need to let them know they aren't alone (they aren't special) and body chemistry will eventually have the last word (you are not any different than anyone else).

I do understand your crippling depression, I do understand your hopelessness, I live the same life. We (addicts) all do eventually. Its an insidious disease that will distort your outlook in life, even what you see in the mirror.
 
delusional... hmm i like to think that i am just very convincing ;) hahaha.. it's nice to know im not the only one and that SOMEONE understands.
and indeed it is , its a test of will power pretty much..
 
i also hope it was a good read for everybody and they enjoyed it that's what i really want! thanks everyone, not so strange strangers.
 
Reading this OP,

Makes me realise all the more reason why someone like me would want to stay away from Opiates.
 
pardon my "newbiness" but i am not familiar with acronym OP, would you mind using the full word or lettin me know what it means that would be nice.
and yehh if you havn't tried opiates before i reccomend really staying away from em. they are one of the best feeling groups of drugs, but that is the exact reason why it is soo hard to stop
 
Original Poster (That be you)

yeah they sound like a,
Solve all your problems kinda drug, but as i can see from reading your piece there,
That its clearly causing you problems money mainly .
 
yeah the amound of money i have spent on it i could have bought a decent car.. it's redic.. but you only live once you can't take material possestions with you but this CANNOT and will not go on for ever.
 
i really hope you'll get off the dope while you can. I used heroin(IV) at your age for like 4 months and had to go cold turkey afterwards because of the legal systems here(no detox if you're under 18 :S) it was not very pleasant. but i relapsed 2 years later and for some reason ill find it much easier to get ill when you already been addicted once. i dont use now but it was horrible and i only had a quick peek in that world compared with the other users i was with. everyday was the same. wake up at a shelter, meet up with the others, shoplift, sell the goods, buy the H, sleep and repeat.

good luck dopesmoke :)
 
good luck dopesmoke... it gets depressing, i know. im not sure whats keeping me clean right now, but im 4 months clean and havent banged the shit since my last OD in december (of last year... hold shit its been a YEAR since i shot up!). i eat xanax when i can get it... i know a drug is a drug is a drug. i like drugs, and id like to think, no matter how stupid it sounds, that im picking and choosing which ones i can do and enjoy without killing myself. if you need anything PM me ... :)
 
thanks guys.. yeah i shot up the last of my batch today... i told my connect that i was not gunna be goin out anymore... i'm fuckin scared for some reason.. life almost doesnt seem worth living without it, its fucked how it worps your thoughts.. cold turkey too, ill be able to get my hands on a few suboxones but idk man .. i just don't know what the future holds. and jlengland, i like drugs too ;) hehe . nd yeh thats a good idea, i like all kinds of em though (cept meth) thats a dirty one lol. and dimitri , i deffinatly do not want to end up like that, i dont think anyone does , i really hope i can kick it cold turkey by myself before it's too late, even though i already feel like it is..
 
never too late. its too late when you decide that youre not worth it and do that shot that ends up being your last. getting off boy is a hell of a journey. sucks at times, not gonna lie. but its pretty nice to know that you have a future, even if you dont know what it is yet. a future that contains more than fixing that next shot..
 
yeah i would like to have more than just the heroin to look foward to everyday.. this is day one without it . yesterday i only did a tiny bit around a fourth of what i usually do.. barely got any sleep last night i kept waking up dripping sweat it's terrible. i wish i didn't have to suffer now, but its either suffer now or suffer than.. i just want to get this over with and move on with my life and maybe save up some money and get myself something nice haha :P. these days are just going to feel mighty long.. i need something to get my mind off it and get through them
 
Cool report. Your life is manageable now. But most likely will become chaos. Addiction is a progressive disease.
 
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