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Heroin - IV/snort - very experienced. - I am heroin, and heroin is me.

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dopesmoke420

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 16, 2011
Messages
86
Location
DMT paradox
lets start off with a little background; I am 17 years old, still attending highschool, i am very experience in pretty much every field of drug usage; i have been to the ultimate mushroom paradox 7 or so times, lsd 3 times , every pill imaginable, DMT around 8 times, marijuana - daily , and heroin, well.. let me tell you about me and heroin.

so, it is the day before thanksgiving and i am on my third or so month in a row of IV dosing daily , depending on the day, 3 or more times. the way I see it as there are two types of heroin users in this world, first there is a "junky", which is what most people think of when they think "heroin", thanks to Nancy Reagan and the War on Drugs. A junky is someone who will sell their (or steal your) TV for a shot. then there is the second type of heroin addict, me, the functional addict.
If you think junkies have a ferocious hunger for heroin, consider spending every single day pretending not to be a junky. It's incredible work. you see, i am just like you, except there is a big part of my life that noone knows about, a big evil maniacal demon who is constantly calling my name, who makes me day dream about registering a shot. it calls, and i answer, whenever it needs me , no matter when or what im doing i must respond. so ill make up any excuse just to go home, go where im safe, and get my fix. you see i have soo many thoughts in my head but i can't get them out because, well all i can think about is pulling back that plunger and seeing that beautiful, milky red blood squirt so graciously up through the syringe and than watch the beautiful mixture dissapear into the crack of my arm.
There is a problem with this though, i'm only 17, and I'm addicted to heroin, yet, I get good grades, i have a job. But i have no savings account, any penny that doesn't go to the bare neccessities of living, goes to her, heroin. Boy , have I mentioned how it feels to successfully register after a long day at work? to sit back on the couch , turn on the song Heroin - by the Velvet Underground and feel that huge wave of relief come crashing down over me. Its the first thing on my mind when i wake up and it's the last thing i think about before i go to bed. How am I gunna get the money for my fix today, how am i gunna keep this a secret from my parents and friends who are none the wiser, for now.. the track marks are getting bad.. im 17 and now-a-days I'm having troubles hitting a vein for fucksake.. but oh, did I mention the feeling you get? Ohh man.. i am trying so hard to explain it to you , but this fuckiingg keyboard, these fuckin' words, they just can't grasp it, it's impossible to grasp... unless you've been in my shoes, you'll never know what it's like. this monkey on your back that you must hide, i know i have to stop, it's not because I can't afford it, fuck . I'll get the money, but the thing is I just can't imagine a day without it.. everytime I try to run, it calls my name. It has me in its grip ready to crush me , but i won't let it.. I can't let it.

I'll stop.. just not today.. I just don't want to feel the pain, no, not today... because right now, fuck i havn't dosed in a few hours, my hands are getting shakey, im starting to hit the backspace button more than any other key. The pain in my head is starting behind my eyes and will soon encompus the rest of my head, my heart is racing. I would like to write more , but maybe another day , because right now. I need my nighttime does, all this talking about shooting really makes me want to well... shoot. hopefully i don't have to dig around for this one. maybe ill stop tomarrow. maybe
 
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I've never tried heroin, my only experience with any IV painkiller was before some Surgery a few years back and it knocked me on my ass and I don't remember much else.

But I read a lot of these accounts, particularly the accounts of habitual users or first timers who later become addicts.

The incredible feeling I can only imagine and that total loss of control to a needle-clad substance, it's sick I know, but I'm enamoured by it. The idea that it could be me turns me on massively.

I've used a lot of drugs and while some I really enjoy for their euphoric or eye-opening properties I've never had a pull from them, I rarely drink, and a summer taking up smoking was stubbed out without a glance back - I think in reality, the glory I feel for what Heroin could be, would leave a massive anti-climax should I try it (which I most likely won't).

Best of luck to you, you seem smart and despite how I feel about the matter I hope you manage to beat it.
 
Man, you're 17... there's no such thing as a "functional addict". You have your whole life ahead of you, you might be just about scraping by now but you know deep down the monkey on your back is only going to get bigger, until its a fucking gorilla, and by then you're too fucked to go back. Try quit man, for your future.
 
Tyd said:
Man, you're 17... there's no such thing as a "functional addict". You have your whole life ahead of you, you might be just about scraping by now but you know deep down the monkey on your back is only going to get bigger, until its a fucking gorilla, and by then you're too fucked to go back. Try quit man, for your future.
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Listen to this guy. You may be functional now but life is a curve ball brother. Thrown on a windy day.//
 
Dude quit while you're ahead. Trust me it doesn't get any better. Eventually the honeymoon will end and you'll descend into the depths of junkie town and let me tell you from personal experience that ain't no fun. Soon you'll being doing heroin just to feel normal. And then bam bye bye functionality hello desperate need for more heroin.

You're only 17 man seriously you are way too young to be doing heroin to begin with and you have no idea how bad it will get. Again quit now don't let it ruin your life so early.
 
You write quite a bit better than any 17 year old I have ever met, kudos.

I would really try and get that monkey off your chest while you can man, no one can do herion forever and the addiction isnt going to get any easier. Hell, who am I to judge, I cant even put down cigarettes. At this point in life though some decent time off from everything to get away from your addiction would be much easier then later on down the line when you have a full time job, and more adult obligations and responsibilities.
 
thank you all , yeah im really at a crossroads, just had thanksgiving dinner with my family, having to wear a longsleeve shirt i felt so awkward. right after dinner i banged my last one and now i have a decision to make.. take the easy way out and pick up again, or end this once and for all..
 
I suggest you get some subutex or suboxone to ease the withdrawal. That and some xanax or valium couldn't hurt.
 
uhm, yeah ill deffinatly need something, ive tried suboxone plenty of times if i take it in the morning by 4 in the afternoone im withdrawling again. :/
 
the only thing strong enough to ease the withdrawls that ive got my hands on are the fentanyl patches, especially cuz they last a couple days but people say they are pretty dangerous things ha...
 
^Yeah man don't trade one drug for an even stronger drug. Just get a bunch of subs man and gradually decrease the dosage. Just don't IV the subs that shit will fuck up your veins even more.
 
yeah i've been up all night its now 6 am where im at , took 3 and a half oxycodones and drank a little bit, i just don't feel sick anymore that's it, not high at all it fucking sucks. and yeh i wouldn't shoot anything besides H. i needa get something to get through this or it will be hell
 
^Yeah it will suck for awhile there's no denying that. I went cold turkey so I know how bad it can get. I've been clean for 6 months now. Just realize that at the worst point of withdrawal you are also at the closest point to being free from this burden. For the night is darkest just before the dawn my friend.
 
^No problem man. Hope you manage to tough it out bro. I know dope feels great for awhile believe me I know but trust me man eventually you'll hate it just as much as you love it. You'll hate having to pick up everyday. You'll hate needing dope just to feel normal. And maybe eventually you'll end up hating yourself for letting it get so far. In the end you'll see that you made the right decision.

Get some subs and xanax/valium if you need to and weed I find helps to. Good luck man.

Peace.
 
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dopesmoke420 said:
lets start off with a little background; I am 17 years old, still attending highschool, i am very experience in pretty much every field of drug usage; i have been to the ultimate mushroom paradox 7 or so times, lsd 3 times , every pill imaginable, DMT around 8 times, marijuana - daily , and heroin, well.. let me tell you about me and heroin.
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You are not special or different. I have been an daily addict since 2003, and a weekend player since 1993ish.....and I managed to be 'functional' most of those years. Functional as in I kept a job, and lived an otherwise normal life. I spent only a small percentage of my income on opiates, compared to what others spend on cell phones, cable, eating out, etc.

But as someone else said, eventually the monkey becomes a gorilla and is unmanageable. In 2007, I realized that I was far from functional, in fact I barely held my job because I was literally too happy to care about doing anything not required of me, and after threatening my source over stuff that is irrelevant now, found myself addicted without a source/dealer and to avoid the brutal WD, I turned myself into the doctors for suboxone therapy....which I stayed on till this summer, and now I am stuck at Kratom.

That decision destroyed my ability to get affordable insurance and now doctors judge me differently than before. It is a stigma I will always carry with me.

When you are young, as you said you were, a month seems longer than a year when you are twice as old. I bet you the family Jewels if you remain as you are, in 2-3 years you will lose control and surrender to the disease.

Like I said, you are not unique or special. Opiates are still opiates and controlling them is mere illusion. You aren't fooling anyone but yourself.

I hope you are able to remain free of opiates and that your experience has put to rest any notions of functionality and opiates.
 
i wasn't really trying to send the message that i thought i was special .. sorry if it came off that way. if anything it's more of an aching loneliness going through this by myself and loosing the battle badly with no support, thats more of what i was hoping for. Some support, because trust me i've gotten all that your dumb why do u do this shit, get help blah blah blah*** all PLENTY of times before..
 
First off you can write and seem to be of above average intelligance so you got that going for you. The problem is you opened pandoras box and now you probably cant close it. I started dope at 18 suboxone at 21 and im still fighting this shit at 23 and im not any closer to knowing how to stop now then I was then. I wish you luck on your kick but I gotta tell you thats the easy part its the next year that is the real fight. That last thing you think about morning and night thing doesnt go away it just builds and compoundes itself with the crippling depression of post acute withdrawl syndrome. It sucks.
 
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