I owe everyone an update, especially ABW and CG.
Last weekend I went on a wild bender in Atlantic City and brought down 2 bottle of 150mg clonazolam in a PG solution, 100mg etizolam, and 50 xanax. From Thursday to Sunday night everything was gone. One morning, I think saturday, I just drank the entire bottle of clonazolam one morning. I lost $12,000 gambling and finally the crew boss pulled me aside (whom I've goten friendly with over the years), and urged me to stop. Well I had only a couple hundred bucks left anyway so I stopped gambling at least. I sun tanned on the beach. Got a massage at Ceasars (really nice). Anyway, I came home not unprepared for almost certain death. I had 3 bottles of 300mg Diclazepam waiting for me. So far in the past 5 days I've gone through one and a half. I take a 3ml syringe, and fill it up as much as possible, and take the diclazepam sublingually like my suboxone. I guess I'm taking the equivalent of 700mg-1,000mg of diazepam in each dose? I did a test yesterday and I know for absolute certainty that the diclazepam I have is real, and potent. I gave 2 different people .15-2mL (which would equal 10-20mgs of valium) doses of the diclazepam and they literally could not keep their eyes open and had to sleep for nearly 6 hours at my house. They were slurring words, had poor coordination, etc. I know it's real and potent. I am just deathly concerned at how much I'm doing just to feel normal. For example, I took my dose this morning, and I feel OK, not great, not shitty, just OK. Like I don't want to call my friends and go out to lunch and have a party or anything.
My plan if to continue to use the diclazepam to taper down (which I haven't been doing admittedly), and just keep ordering it, and keeping 3 bottle stashes minimum, on top of the 3 bottles I'm using to taper, god forbid anything were to happen. It's going to be a long and difficult ride everybody, but I just as of this morning turned down 2 of my xanax dealers who hit me up. The one is a girl I sleep with from time to time so it will kind of suck having to block her because she is smoking hot. The other is actually a pretty well known associate of a person who is often in the NY Post. Anyway, I don't feel proud or anything, I'm just substituting with the diclazepam and it's working. I figure at this rate, I'll be ready to come off in about 3-4 months, if I stop being a fucking idiot and actually taper. Thank GOD for RCs.
I'm so fuckin pissed at myself because I had it down to just 10mg of xanax a day, and felt alright. But now with these benders, my tolerance keeps literally skyrocketing.
ABetterWay, you truly are the best. You're an angel.
Last weekend I went on a wild bender in Atlantic City and brought down 2 bottle of 150mg clonazolam in a PG solution, 100mg etizolam, and 50 xanax. From Thursday to Sunday night everything was gone. One morning, I think saturday, I just drank the entire bottle of clonazolam one morning. I lost $12,000 gambling and finally the crew boss pulled me aside (whom I've goten friendly with over the years), and urged me to stop. Well I had only a couple hundred bucks left anyway so I stopped gambling at least. I sun tanned on the beach. Got a massage at Ceasars (really nice). Anyway, I came home not unprepared for almost certain death. I had 3 bottles of 300mg Diclazepam waiting for me. So far in the past 5 days I've gone through one and a half. I take a 3ml syringe, and fill it up as much as possible, and take the diclazepam sublingually like my suboxone. I guess I'm taking the equivalent of 700mg-1,000mg of diazepam in each dose? I did a test yesterday and I know for absolute certainty that the diclazepam I have is real, and potent. I gave 2 different people .15-2mL (which would equal 10-20mgs of valium) doses of the diclazepam and they literally could not keep their eyes open and had to sleep for nearly 6 hours at my house. They were slurring words, had poor coordination, etc. I know it's real and potent. I am just deathly concerned at how much I'm doing just to feel normal. For example, I took my dose this morning, and I feel OK, not great, not shitty, just OK. Like I don't want to call my friends and go out to lunch and have a party or anything.
My plan if to continue to use the diclazepam to taper down (which I haven't been doing admittedly), and just keep ordering it, and keeping 3 bottle stashes minimum, on top of the 3 bottles I'm using to taper, god forbid anything were to happen. It's going to be a long and difficult ride everybody, but I just as of this morning turned down 2 of my xanax dealers who hit me up. The one is a girl I sleep with from time to time so it will kind of suck having to block her because she is smoking hot. The other is actually a pretty well known associate of a person who is often in the NY Post. Anyway, I don't feel proud or anything, I'm just substituting with the diclazepam and it's working. I figure at this rate, I'll be ready to come off in about 3-4 months, if I stop being a fucking idiot and actually taper. Thank GOD for RCs.
I'm so fuckin pissed at myself because I had it down to just 10mg of xanax a day, and felt alright. But now with these benders, my tolerance keeps literally skyrocketing.
ABetterWay, you truly are the best. You're an angel.

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