slackboxed
Bluelighter
What's going on guys? I haven't been on here since I got off heroin a year ago, but I used to post on here all the time for years. I used to have a pretty nasty little heroin habit. I got into some trouble and it seemed like the best solution for me was to enter an outpatient methadone clinic here in New York.
I was signed up to be there short term. it was a three month thing. one month building my dose up, one month stable, one month getting off. Three months in, I started getting sick. My dose wasn't holding me so they kept increasing my dose. One day, I was so sick I was throwing up on the way into the clinic. They asked me to sign a pile of papers before they'd dose me. I didn't even care what it said bc they were holding a medicine I took every morning over my head until i did it. I ended up getting on long-term methadone treatment instead of my planned three months thanks to that pile of paperwork.
Now fastfoward 13 months. I haven't used heroin in over a year. Every single day I wake up with chills, sweats, abdominal pain, my skin in hypertension mode, throwing up, shitting bricks just plain old misery. EVERY SINGLE MORNING. I tried to get medical help from my doctor, he told me any methadone related illness needs to be handled by the clinic doctor. The clinic doctor tells me he's not allowed to prescribe anything other than methadone in that clinic and that I need to go to the Emergency Room when I'm like that.
Thanks to lack of health insurance i've racked up about ~$21,000 dollars in emergency room bills just in the last 6 months. I'm 23 years old and this is ruining me. I've gone to the ER about 5 times, maybe 6 and now the emergency rooms doctors are at the point where they are refusing to treat me for any methadone related illness.
Now the worst part is, since I started getting a little unstable, my clinic took away all of my take-home bottles and since Aug. they've been forcing me to go to the clinic 7 days a week. They open at 7am Monday-Friday and on weekends they're open at 8. Since I usually wake up with my head in a toilet barfing my brains out at about 6:30, that usually fucks me on the weekends bc I have to wait for them to open.
I also have to drive while in methadone withdraws, every single day 15 miles each way to the clinic, EVERY SINGLE MOTHERFUCKING DAY!!!!!11
My methadone clinic has a policy where they control who gets what take home bottles. I mean there are rules and regulations on how to get to the point where you can take this liquid outside the clinic and theres a three month waiting period to get to one bottle, another two months and then you have two bottles of ur dose, etc..
Every single time I get close to getting a bottle, they screw me. Last time they told me my urine drug test came back negative for methadone and that's the reason I need to wait another three months to get it. They told me a negative for methadone drug test is the same as a positive for drugs drug test to them. I asked them how it was physically possible for that to happen since I take the fuggin dose infront of them every single day.
They think im trying to cheat the system somehow and because of that, i'm suffering on a daily basis. I've been decreasing my dose by 2-3mgs every other week or maybe once a month or whenever I feel stable so I can actually function.
Now the hospital won't treat me, no doctor will go near me since any methadone related illness needs to be treated by the methadone clinic, and my methadone clinic told me that if I go in there sick and I throw up in that clinic one more time they're going to discharge me and tell me to take a hike. No detox, no nothing.
I'm on supervised probation for a felony conviction and i'm on probation until october or december if all goes to plan. I tried to get ibogaine before I started probation but when I reached the Canadian boarder, I was told they don't allow felons into their country with out a shit ton of documentation. Now that I'm on probation, I can't even leave the county so I don't know how i'd get to an ibogaine clinic.
The local inpatient rehabs have told me I need to be down to 40-45mgs of methadone before they'll admit me. I'm simply on too high of a dose for them to successfully detox me. I was on 140mgs and now i'm down to 65mgs.
I'm on my own in NY so I have to drive my car (or my crotch rocket depending on weather) every single morning to this clinic which is pretty difficult considering im throwing up in a bag every few minutes. It seems like methadone is only holding me for 18-22hrs instead of the advertised 24-48hrs. If I get discharged from this place while im in this condition, im really, really screwed.
What can I do? I feel trapped and alone.
What my clinic is doing to me can not be legal. Driving in that condition on a daily basis is going to get me killed, especially since there's been like a foot of snow falling from the sky every day. Please, anyone, help! I can't get any relief, i've been like this for months and it isn't getting better. If I was addicted to heroin it would be so much easier to get off that shit than this.
Any United States methadone experts out there, please help me! I don't know what else to do! This is really cruel and unusual. They don't even give me bottles knowing the next morning will have two feet of snow and ice and shit on the ground. They don't care about me at all to them i'm just a number, an annoying number if that.
Anyone?
I was signed up to be there short term. it was a three month thing. one month building my dose up, one month stable, one month getting off. Three months in, I started getting sick. My dose wasn't holding me so they kept increasing my dose. One day, I was so sick I was throwing up on the way into the clinic. They asked me to sign a pile of papers before they'd dose me. I didn't even care what it said bc they were holding a medicine I took every morning over my head until i did it. I ended up getting on long-term methadone treatment instead of my planned three months thanks to that pile of paperwork.
Now fastfoward 13 months. I haven't used heroin in over a year. Every single day I wake up with chills, sweats, abdominal pain, my skin in hypertension mode, throwing up, shitting bricks just plain old misery. EVERY SINGLE MORNING. I tried to get medical help from my doctor, he told me any methadone related illness needs to be handled by the clinic doctor. The clinic doctor tells me he's not allowed to prescribe anything other than methadone in that clinic and that I need to go to the Emergency Room when I'm like that.
Thanks to lack of health insurance i've racked up about ~$21,000 dollars in emergency room bills just in the last 6 months. I'm 23 years old and this is ruining me. I've gone to the ER about 5 times, maybe 6 and now the emergency rooms doctors are at the point where they are refusing to treat me for any methadone related illness.
Now the worst part is, since I started getting a little unstable, my clinic took away all of my take-home bottles and since Aug. they've been forcing me to go to the clinic 7 days a week. They open at 7am Monday-Friday and on weekends they're open at 8. Since I usually wake up with my head in a toilet barfing my brains out at about 6:30, that usually fucks me on the weekends bc I have to wait for them to open.
I also have to drive while in methadone withdraws, every single day 15 miles each way to the clinic, EVERY SINGLE MOTHERFUCKING DAY!!!!!11
My methadone clinic has a policy where they control who gets what take home bottles. I mean there are rules and regulations on how to get to the point where you can take this liquid outside the clinic and theres a three month waiting period to get to one bottle, another two months and then you have two bottles of ur dose, etc..
Every single time I get close to getting a bottle, they screw me. Last time they told me my urine drug test came back negative for methadone and that's the reason I need to wait another three months to get it. They told me a negative for methadone drug test is the same as a positive for drugs drug test to them. I asked them how it was physically possible for that to happen since I take the fuggin dose infront of them every single day.
They think im trying to cheat the system somehow and because of that, i'm suffering on a daily basis. I've been decreasing my dose by 2-3mgs every other week or maybe once a month or whenever I feel stable so I can actually function.
Now the hospital won't treat me, no doctor will go near me since any methadone related illness needs to be treated by the methadone clinic, and my methadone clinic told me that if I go in there sick and I throw up in that clinic one more time they're going to discharge me and tell me to take a hike. No detox, no nothing.
I'm on supervised probation for a felony conviction and i'm on probation until october or december if all goes to plan. I tried to get ibogaine before I started probation but when I reached the Canadian boarder, I was told they don't allow felons into their country with out a shit ton of documentation. Now that I'm on probation, I can't even leave the county so I don't know how i'd get to an ibogaine clinic.
The local inpatient rehabs have told me I need to be down to 40-45mgs of methadone before they'll admit me. I'm simply on too high of a dose for them to successfully detox me. I was on 140mgs and now i'm down to 65mgs.
I'm on my own in NY so I have to drive my car (or my crotch rocket depending on weather) every single morning to this clinic which is pretty difficult considering im throwing up in a bag every few minutes. It seems like methadone is only holding me for 18-22hrs instead of the advertised 24-48hrs. If I get discharged from this place while im in this condition, im really, really screwed.
What can I do? I feel trapped and alone.
What my clinic is doing to me can not be legal. Driving in that condition on a daily basis is going to get me killed, especially since there's been like a foot of snow falling from the sky every day. Please, anyone, help! I can't get any relief, i've been like this for months and it isn't getting better. If I was addicted to heroin it would be so much easier to get off that shit than this.Any United States methadone experts out there, please help me! I don't know what else to do! This is really cruel and unusual. They don't even give me bottles knowing the next morning will have two feet of snow and ice and shit on the ground. They don't care about me at all to them i'm just a number, an annoying number if that.
Anyone?
