• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!
  • MDMA Moderators: Esperighanto

Help me get my mind back!

It all depends on what your gauging for really. I'm currently going through the same thing as you, im about 9 months down that road. I was on ssris for the most part of it, it made me feel better, but when you come off them your almost back to scratch.

I've talked to some very informative people about ssri treatment for xtc induced depression etc.. And they all warned me to avoid them.

This goes back to my original statement, it all depends on what your aim is. If you really want to maximize your recovery, don't take the short cut. The suffering IS your healing. See, only when the brain is at it's absolute lowest, it's physiological/psychological worst, can it start to compensate. These horrible feelings, that strange "light" feeling, is depersonalization/derealization by the sounds of it. That's your body's natural protection against extreme stress, I had it too. Now, when your brains at it'd worst, it will start to compensate by resprouting axons, along with making other quick, efficient neuroadaptive changes to counteract the state your in, and return yourself to homeostasis.

That being sad, when you mix ssris into the equation, it "tricks" your brain so to speak, into believing that there's not as much harm done, as there actually is. This shows/shuts down the natural recovery process, and will leave certain damage regions not healed to the brains full capacity. As well as downregulating the shyt out of your serotonin receptors.

I was on them for a while, but being off them, I quickly noticed all the improvements I've made have subsided. Honestly, I think they slowed me down big time and I regret using them. Chemicals got you hear, chemicals won't get you out. When it comes to the brain, let it naturally do it's thing.

Of course, nootropics and natural supplementation won't so you any harm. I'd go with curcumin, piracetam, choline, bacopa, inositol and phosphatdylserine, and of course, a good multi vitamin along with daily cardiovascular exercise, 20 mins minimum, followed by the healthiest diet you can conjure up.

Cheers mate, and good luck, everything will be back to normal sooner than you know it.
 
well that was a rather informative yet depressing read.

so everything im feeling now is fake? :/

I was thinking of starting on Wellbutrin along with my Celexa, as I read it had 80% improval rating by those combining the two. but i now i dont know. this is all so confusing for an 18 year old. I'm 18, have a girlfriend, have friends all around, but I feel like i'm a fucking loser.

That one kid that strayed from the path, that is the one always feeling bad, while all my friends party, go to the beach, and I have to force myself to go, while everything around me feels surreal. I just cant natural soak in everything and feel normal like I used to.

And I'm starting to find out that this isn't going to be a short term thing like I prayed for.

I'd give anything I could possibly give, besides my life to be normal again.
 
I hear you bro, I had literally 4-5 smoke shows on the go this summer, as well I was probably the most popular guy in my group of 15-20 close friends. I had everything going for me, uni, girls, and was the smoothest talker when it came to girls, but it all came crumbling down on me after I abused MDMA, I was caught up in the hype, and the vibe of the moment, I thought I was invincible, this drug proved me otherwise. All the same, I abused, you just used a bad pull. So you've probably got a shorter road ahead of you, just don't stress over it, that'll make the "surreal" feeling more pronounced.

Honestly, the more negative thinking you indulge in, the more neural connections form around that pattern of thinking, the larger it gets, and the larger it gets the easier it is to stimulate, which means the easier to grow yet again. Your best bet, mentally, is to fight the negative cycle, and think positive, it's hard as first, because unused neural netoworks are pruned, but the more you do it, the larger that "positive" network will grow, the easier/more naturally it'll become to access, and the faster it will grow. With time that network (if practiced) will grow large enough to "take over" so to speak, and your negative thought cycle will start being pruned. If that makes sense, the brains constantly rewiring itself.

As for your symptoms, I'd say another 6 months to a year and you'll be 100%, the younger you are the harder that is to accept. I'm only 21 and had to run away from my old life til I recover. Anyways back to the point, I was having insomnia, panic attacks, brain zaps the works for 7 months, couldn't sleep without a sleeping pill. You don't sound that bad, your out around people, just keep that up. I COULD NOT do that, I was fucked. I still kind of am lol but basically don't gauge your recovery time off of me, I'm still deep in the rabit hole.

As for the ssris, what your experiencing is somewhat fake yes, think about it, your pumping a happy drug into your system. Id honestly quit the ssris and just EXERCISE as hard as it may be, it'll boost your metabolism which increae recovery rate (rats have 3x our metabolism, and show full recovery of serotogenic destruction after 1 year, mind you you have no where near that damage), reduce anxiety, increase neurogenesis, increase well being, and will give you an endorphin rush. It's overall the BEST cure. Along with a healthly diet of course, I can't stress this enough. As hard as it may be, you'll be happy you did.

If your MUST be on an antidepressant, wellbutrin would be better for your type of situation, as it doesn't effect your serotogenic system, but I've read it could still possibly affect recovery, even though it was only a theory and there's no real studies conducted on it.

All in all man, stay clean, you'll be find if you stick to a solid heathly regimen. If you CAN handle being off ssris, id go that route. But if you really cant, then by all means stick on them.

Cheers
 
dude you have a bunch of threads the same as this one. Have you tried changing your diet or thought about progesterone cream?
Or b vitamins?

Yeah I found your thread that was just like this one. Why don't you look into the suggestions on those other threads instead of asking the same thing over and over? You should look into everything people suggest. Google has a lot of information. You have the power to get better. You just have to be willing to try different things.
 
i took a couple blue rolexs about a month ago and they are shit, 100% pipes. the ink got all over my fingers. i dont have any of the same problems as you but you just got to test your stuff in the future. only full proof way of not gettin some wack shit.

i would say just lay off all meds right now just to get your mind right. but on or off meds i bet you will get better jut give it time.
 
Last edited:
Thizzin,

Allow me to reassure you - you will be ok.
I swear it, no matter how far down the rabbit hole you have gone, you will make it through.

Somedud, I'm proud of you, man. Look at you.....helping out others. That's a good sign.

I don't have the time to carry on like I normally do, but if you are desperate for information, look up some of my other posts. I have posted many long-winded rants regarding the scientific research involving MDMA and the anecdotal reports on the recovery process.

Some basics:

95% of your serotonin and serotonin receptors are in your intestines, NOT your brain. Both serotonin AND stomach bile are made from tryptophan, an amino acid found in protein.

In the brain, serotonin plays a major role in blood distribution - this was understood prior to MDMA studies. The serotonin network is the 'brain-gut' connection, and it is one of the most complex nerve systems in all of biology. Unlike other organs, the intestines are wired to the entire brain!

MDMA deactivates the enzyme that is used to synthesize more serotonin.
It can take 1-3 months for TPH, the enzyme, to restore itself.

MDMA and former MDMA users have been shown to experience alterations in regional blood flow in the brain. For some, this change is long-lasting. Normally decreases are seen first, then in some users increases follow. This correlates with reports of major symptoms such as anxiety.

Long-term heavy users can take up to two years to report the end of their depression. Brain scans have shown that eventually blood distribution returns to normal levels. This is believed to be caused by re-innervation of serotonin axons AND alterations in other neurotransmitter systems.

If you are experiencing a change in vision, this is known as HPPD. This is likely caused by up-regulation of serotonin receptors in the visual cortex, a defense mechanism to maintain blood flow. Good news: it goes away.

If you are experiencing spatial distortions, like the feeling of moving even when you are still, this is another common symptom MDMA recovery. It will also go away. For me, this took two weeks. My vision took two months to correct itself.

If you are having trouble digesting food, join the club. This was one of my most pronounced symptoms - I couldn't eat solid food for a month. When I did, I paid for it dearly.

What is happening right now is your intestines are re-wiring your brain. The intestines are injecting serotonin into your brainstem, but the normal capacity for accepting this serotonin no longer exists.

You do not need to take 5-htp. There is not just a shortage of serotonin, but a shortage of storage space. Also, do not smoke weed - it increases serotonin, something you don't want right now. Something else that increases serotonin in the brain is carbohydrates. Lay off the starches, man.

Stick to lots of protein and veggies. And fruit....very little carbs. A little rice, at the most. Got it?

Piracetam, choline, and fish oil are awesome. It will make you feel normal again. Just understand that you are not cured overnight...
Tumeric extract is a great anti-inflammatory. Aspirin is ok too.
MDMA users are at an increased risk of stroke. Exercise is a great idea, provided you don't stroke out. That's what the tumeric and aspirin are for.

I have been in recovery for six months. Believe me, life gets better.
But this is a cycle. You will feel better, then worse, then better again.

Most people tend to recover in the first few weeks. Some of us take a few months. Others can take a few years. Remember - your intestines are rewiring your brain. They won't stop, either....

That's why you will be ok. Your gut is in control, not you.

Good luck.
Keep us updated on your progress.
 
Get checked out for some weird stuff, like metal (aluminum or lead) poisoning and what have ya. Stuff that could conceivably hang around for a long time. That's all I could think to suggest. Have them do a complete blood workup and physical. Who knows, they might find something.

Beyond that... feeling 'light' doesn't sound like a bad thing. Feeling burned out just means maybe you've realized you don't need a goal in life to be happy. Feeling out of touch with reality might mean you were taking reality to be something it isn't. Have a look into your life... why not do some self-inquiring beyond the physical and mental? Maybe the pill gave you a hidden gift you aren't aware of. Look into the here/now spiritual basis of life.

Peace...
 
Last edited:
socalthizzn said:
Sounds like an issue unrelated to piperazine consumption.
Im no doctor but i do notice most times if its a post about feeling wierd a long time after rolling the person is taking anti-depressants etc. Some food for thought.
Try stop taking your anti-depressants & xanax to see how you feel? If you can handle i would want you to end up in a bad spot.
Click to expand...

I truly feel the same way as this post.
It may have taken you a whole month perhaps to get better without any AD, however by taking them you may have extented the symptoms.
Healthy lifestyle and sports will help you out for sure as well.
Things will get better
 
First Bad Comedown said:
Thizzin,

Allow me to reassure you - you will be ok.
I swear it, no matter how far down the rabbit hole you have gone, you will make it through.

Somedud, I'm proud of you, man. Look at you.....helping out others. That's a good sign.

I don't have the time to carry on like I normally do, but if you are desperate for information, look up some of my other posts. I have posted many long-winded rants regarding the scientific research involving MDMA and the anecdotal reports on the recovery process.

Some basics:

95% of your serotonin and serotonin receptors are in your intestines, NOT your brain. Both serotonin AND stomach bile are made from tryptophan, an amino acid found in protein.

In the brain, serotonin plays a major role in blood distribution - this was understood prior to MDMA studies. The serotonin network is the 'brain-gut' connection, and it is one of the most complex nerve systems in all of biology. Unlike other organs, the intestines are wired to the entire brain!

MDMA deactivates the enzyme that is used to synthesize more serotonin.
It can take 1-3 months for TPH, the enzyme, to restore itself.

MDMA and former MDMA users have been shown to experience alterations in regional blood flow in the brain. For some, this change is long-lasting. Normally decreases are seen first, then in some users increases follow. This correlates with reports of major symptoms such as anxiety.

Long-term heavy users can take up to two years to report the end of their depression. Brain scans have shown that eventually blood distribution returns to normal levels. This is believed to be caused by re-innervation of serotonin axons AND alterations in other neurotransmitter systems.

If you are experiencing a change in vision, this is known as HPPD. This is likely caused by up-regulation of serotonin receptors in the visual cortex, a defense mechanism to maintain blood flow. Good news: it goes away.

If you are experiencing spatial distortions, like the feeling of moving even when you are still, this is another common symptom MDMA recovery. It will also go away. For me, this took two weeks. My vision took two months to correct itself.

If you are having trouble digesting food, join the club. This was one of my most pronounced symptoms - I couldn't eat solid food for a month. When I did, I paid for it dearly.

What is happening right now is your intestines are re-wiring your brain. The intestines are injecting serotonin into your brainstem, but the normal capacity for accepting this serotonin no longer exists.

You do not need to take 5-htp. There is not just a shortage of serotonin, but a shortage of storage space. Also, do not smoke weed - it increases serotonin, something you don't want right now. Something else that increases serotonin in the brain is carbohydrates. Lay off the starches, man.

Stick to lots of protein and veggies. And fruit....very little carbs. A little rice, at the most. Got it?

Piracetam, choline, and fish oil are awesome. It will make you feel normal again. Just understand that you are not cured overnight...
Tumeric extract is a great anti-inflammatory. Aspirin is ok too.
MDMA users are at an increased risk of stroke. Exercise is a great idea, provided you don't stroke out. That's what the tumeric and aspirin are for.

I have been in recovery for six months. Believe me, life gets better.
But this is a cycle. You will feel better, then worse, then better again.

Most people tend to recover in the first few weeks. Some of us take a few months. Others can take a few years. Remember - your intestines are rewiring your brain. They won't stop, either....

That's why you will be ok. Your gut is in control, not you.

Good luck.
Keep us updated on your progress.
Click to expand...

Very nice infos;)
 
Thank you so so much for the information and support, im not even goin to lie, but im almost in tears because of you guys reaching out like this. Support and comments like these mean so so much, im so use to people not knowing anything, not building me up, it feels like im just another statistic most of the time. Just another kid that fucked up on drugs :(

but you guys are showing me different. please keep in touch. im going to keep positive.



First Bad Comedown said:
Thizzin,

Allow me to reassure you - you will be ok.
I swear it, no matter how far down the rabbit hole you have gone, you will make it through.

Somedud, I'm proud of you, man. Look at you.....helping out others. That's a good sign.

I don't have the time to carry on like I normally do, but if you are desperate for information, look up some of my other posts. I have posted many long-winded rants regarding the scientific research involving MDMA and the anecdotal reports on the recovery process.

Some basics:

95% of your serotonin and serotonin receptors are in your intestines, NOT your brain. Both serotonin AND stomach bile are made from tryptophan, an amino acid found in protein.

In the brain, serotonin plays a major role in blood distribution - this was understood prior to MDMA studies. The serotonin network is the 'brain-gut' connection, and it is one of the most complex nerve systems in all of biology. Unlike other organs, the intestines are wired to the entire brain!

MDMA deactivates the enzyme that is used to synthesize more serotonin.
It can take 1-3 months for TPH, the enzyme, to restore itself.

MDMA and former MDMA users have been shown to experience alterations in regional blood flow in the brain. For some, this change is long-lasting. Normally decreases are seen first, then in some users increases follow. This correlates with reports of major symptoms such as anxiety.

Long-term heavy users can take up to two years to report the end of their depression. Brain scans have shown that eventually blood distribution returns to normal levels. This is believed to be caused by re-innervation of serotonin axons AND alterations in other neurotransmitter systems.

If you are experiencing a change in vision, this is known as HPPD. This is likely caused by up-regulation of serotonin receptors in the visual cortex, a defense mechanism to maintain blood flow. Good news: it goes away.

If you are experiencing spatial distortions, like the feeling of moving even when you are still, this is another common symptom MDMA recovery. It will also go away. For me, this took two weeks. My vision took two months to correct itself.

If you are having trouble digesting food, join the club. This was one of my most pronounced symptoms - I couldn't eat solid food for a month. When I did, I paid for it dearly.

What is happening right now is your intestines are re-wiring your brain. The intestines are injecting serotonin into your brainstem, but the normal capacity for accepting this serotonin no longer exists.

You do not need to take 5-htp. There is not just a shortage of serotonin, but a shortage of storage space. Also, do not smoke weed - it increases serotonin, something you don't want right now. Something else that increases serotonin in the brain is carbohydrates. Lay off the starches, man.

Stick to lots of protein and veggies. And fruit....very little carbs. A little rice, at the most. Got it?

Piracetam, choline, and fish oil are awesome. It will make you feel normal again. Just understand that you are not cured overnight...
Tumeric extract is a great anti-inflammatory. Aspirin is ok too.
MDMA users are at an increased risk of stroke. Exercise is a great idea, provided you don't stroke out. That's what the tumeric and aspirin are for.

I have been in recovery for six months. Believe me, life gets better.
But this is a cycle. You will feel better, then worse, then better again.

Most people tend to recover in the first few weeks. Some of us take a few months. Others can take a few years. Remember - your intestines are rewiring your brain. They won't stop, either....

That's why you will be ok. Your gut is in control, not you.

Good luck.
Keep us updated on your progress.
Click to expand...
 
It makes me sick everytime I come on here and see someone talking about all the crap Rx's they're taking then they think it's the MDMA/piperazine/whatever causing their problem. I gotta say I have way more friends who seem zonked out, fucked up and depressed from SSRI's and anti-psychotics than MDMA. And I'm not just pulling that out of my ass. One of my friends take zoloft and some anti-psychotic and he just looks dead in his eyes, not to mention he can't trip on LSD. And another friend who takes prozac and lithium.....fuck don't get me started on her. She's a wreck.


Long story short fuck Big Pharm.

OP, try some piracetam/aniracetam dude. And some fruits & veggies.
 
its not the MDMA that fucked me up. I rolled off 40 pills in under 3 months, and was totally fine, until I accidentally mixed the wrong pills one night.

I took a blue dragonfly pokeball, containing methynole and caffeine, followed by my first non-pokeball ever, a blue rolex, containing either 2C-B or Piperazine :/

the first made me roll slighty, but made me nauseous and tired, then I took the rolex and rolled for 18 hours, laying in my friends bed, out of my mind, numb, out of my body, the absolute worst state of mind, state of being ever. Never ever recovered, and now im almost 4 months down the road.
 
when I read up on Piperazine, it says that when taken after MDxx, its too much intoxication for the body to handle, which happened to me.

I need help.
 
Why are you so bent on the idea that the pills messed you up? Do you not think prescription medications can have side effects as well? Or an unhealthy diet? Or thousands of other things?

You just gotta be more open to other ideas. Try to figure out what's making you unhappy. Maybe write a list of 2 or 3 simple things you can do to improve you quality of life, physically and mentally.

Personally I have taken piperazines many, many times also in combination with MDMA and I would consider myself a very healthy individual.
 
youll be fine

I personally think its all a mental thing. I once had a feeling much like you if not the same or worse. I once tripped on shroom's for 3 days in a row re-dosing every day. The third day i had a very bad trip. I for some reason forgot i had taken shrooms and thought i had gone crazy and will be crazy forever. the tripping wore off and i was sober... however i was not sober. I still felt out of it always and I could not really focus on anything. I saw everything from a different perspective. everything was wavy the walls were wavy and space and the size of everything was way differnt then my old perspective soberness. I am a pot head however i could not smoke pot in this period because when i did I started tripping again just as if I was on shrooms again thinking I was insane and will be that way forever. I had extreme anxiety every day and I couldent take it I was so tired of everything being so surreal and weird. I would wake up in the morning and if some one said good morning to me I would almost freak out because the way my perception saw things around me was weird. The only thing that stayed the same was my inner thinking but everything else was really "off".. I found that benzos helped quite a bit but did not get rid of the "off" feeling. I was this way for 5 months and its really weird the day I started thinking normal again. I decided to try smoking pot one more time and when i got high after the 5 months of soberness i felt normal again... it was so weird. I was back to my normal mind set after smoking and i felt complely sober. Keep in mind smoking weed a week after my bad trip was a very bad idea but after 5 months it healed me or maybe it was a coincidence. Youll be ok... for me it was just a weird mental state that my brain eventually corrected not sure if the weed did it i think i just got high and my brain corrected it self at the same time. Good luck youll be fine again.
 
You will be fine, however I do see a red flag here that should be noticed, and I think others are noticing it also.

You need you keep your mind open to other possible reasons as to why this happened. Mixing the pills may not have been the culprit. Perhaps because you took 40 pills in a mere 3 months lead you to this apex, and finally these last pills were your last ones until the ultimate crash.

It wasn't necessarily the pills themselves, perhaps you have just been ingesting too much MDMA/weird stuff in rolls? Do you test your stuff often? There are a lot of things in pressed pills that can be pretty nasty.

I am not trying to be negative, just want you to open your eyes to other possibilities. The prescription drugs could easily be having a negative reaction as well. I don't know much about them myself, but I have noticed others to behave very differently while using legal prescription pills.

Sorry if this was a bit rambling, you will get better though. Just take some time, and if you do decide to roll again, test your stuff, space your rolls out, and do all the safe stuff everyone always mentions on here!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top