They aren't things I can fix. My best friend hung himself and my long term girlfriend left me for another guy overnight... my problem is that I feel like I should create some principals to not let myself get hurt anymore, instead of just shunning every chance I get to have a new friend or connect with another girl... and a way to be social without getting arrested [sorry for being overly open]. I thought I would have some really high grade cannabis, but I lost it somewhere in my room. Would Vodka be a good fix?
Zodiakk, you came on here and openly told us your shit and asked for help, I have a lot of respect for that so Im gonna give you the courtesy back.
Mannnn, god knows I been in the same boat your currently in. Before I turned 18 I actually went through 3 sperate long term programs like the one you were at (first one wasnt to bad, then i got sent back and eventually ran, then i got sent to a stricter one and there was a lot of other jails/institutions inbetween) and ate up a fucking
year and a half (just talking about being strictly locked up)of my teen years before I realized maybe I needed to re-evaluate the way I was living my life.
Now listen man there wasnt a damn thing wrong with me that wasnt the result of either surpressing the way I felt, or myself coming to terms with the fact that the world isnt what I wanted or thought it would be. I mean getting arrested, the insane depression, masking the depression w/ apathy or anger or whatever, those were just the symptoms. They were rooted in real, seeable problems I was going through. And these problems wernt unique to me (like I thought they were), rather I just had a differnt way of addressing them then others around me. But you better believe that no matter what kind of facade people put on we are all dogged by low self esteem/depression/broken-heartedness/etc.
Now what almost
no-one does is to actually look at these problems, to address them. Believe there was a long time in my life when I sure as shit didnt, and fuck knows that was a dark time. What your going through, what were all going through, it cant be hidden. It can be masked but make no mistake that it cant be hidden. Vodka, drug use, fuck even weed these can all be used as masks. Now they can also be the most beautiful things on earth, if used appropriately. But if your like me, you have to seriously contemplate and ask yourself why your doing these things.
See, none of us can tell you what your problems are, why you're at where your at, so of course we cant give you any real advice as to what you need to do. The only thing advice I can give you (if your not willing to seek outside help, if you're not you atm you may want to read a bit up on humility) is to not ignore or mask your feelings. Its gonna get a loss worse before it gets better. That is the reality of addressing depression (what I would imagine was the root of your bad trip). For me, coming to terms with my best friends death, my fathers death, the reality of the world, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do and its still something Im working on years later. Its something Ill be dealing with to the day I die. It is the reality of being a human. Sometimes I still cry when I think about them, and sometimes when Im tripping these issues still come up. But today I actually know how to handle these feelings, that its a beautiful part of life to feel them, and that Im not alone, and you can believe its a far sight better then it was back when I just tried to ignore it. And man, I really hope Im not coming across like some religous nut (Im athiest) or some NA/AA type counselor (I think those orginazations are boderline cults and excuses to justify behavior, no addiction is not a disease, and drug use can be a beautiful, beautiful thing), Im just giving the best advice I can, what worked for me.
