Hello friends, new member here, quick intro & question!

[InfiniteInteger]

A little about my history....

-the usual teen binge drinking developed into everyday alcohol dependency
-stimulants lowered my alcohol intake but quickly took over in the same way as alcohol
-I suffered in the depths of stimulant, alcohol and bento addictions
-I eventually ended up in the psychiatric ward, narrowly lost my freedom and my life several times

I managed to find my way onto a recovery programme (12step) and had been doing very well.

My self worth and confidence was on the floor, and I was severely depressed and the benzo withdrawals left me gripped in a paranoid and INTENSE fear that lasted every waking moment for 6 months before tapering off.

I am doing well, I do not drink and take any stimulants. I have however recently turned to benzo's again. Not making excuses but I have some deep troubles and am not far enough in recovery to overcome them without the slight relief of occasional benzo use.

I used to use 280 mg a day, every day. I now perhaps use 40mg three times per week, and this has helped massively with anxiety, I have even been much more positive and pro-active. From past experience however I am mindful of the fact that this may very likely lead back to full addiction.

Hence joining this community for advice and support. Any thoughts, comments, recommendations and advice for me from the community here reading this post would be most appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I am glad to be here.

InfiniteInteger

 

[Smoky]

Hi, Welcome to the site! I love your avatar image.

I've been addicted to all of them myself at separate times as well as poly-dependent. That really messed me up. The benzo dependency was the most difficult withdrawal I have ever experienced.

That's awesome you have been able to cut down to the amount you have from it seems like a very substantial daily dosage. Congratulations. I feel you about moving back into addiction, it happened to me a few years ago. Fortunately there is so much support out there and here on Bluelight I never expected there would be.

I hope you find the site useful. I could move your post to The Dark Side, Basic Drug Discussion or a Recovery section as well - if you prefer. Just let me know.

Best,

Smoky.

 

[ComfortablyNumb95]

Hi and welcome

I read all of your post and I definitely agree that the path you're on now will probably lead to addiction again.

I understand that benzos make your life better and help you but depending on an addictive substance for that isn't really feasible in the long term imo, as benzos are a short-term "fix", not a lifelong cure.

There are other way healthier things that can help (healthy diet, exercise, meditation, yoga etc.) but I do understand that the benefits from those things definitely take some time to reap while benzos' relief is instantaneous.

If you already haven't tried the practices I mentioned above I suggest you do a bit of research on them and see for yourself how they can help you.
Especially meditation and yoga can have really great benefits on your mental health (it takes daily practice and time but they are effective tools), while eating healthy and exercising will make you feel overall better and healthier physically and mentally.

I wish you the best of luck, stay strong.