Having trouble adjusting to boyfriend's new job :(

[missheidi]

My boyfriend just recently started working offshore and I am having a really tough time dealing with him being gone for 7 days at a time. We've been together for 6 years and have only spent maybe 3 or 4 nights away from each other in that time. I literally cry for hours at night because I miss him so much. I was just wondering if anyone on bluelight has any experience with relationships where one partner works away for extended periods of time. If so how did/do you deal with it, and does it get any better? If this is how it will be for me everytime he leaves I just cannot see myself being able to deal with it. Any suggestions/thoughts are greatly appreciated!

 

[TheLostBoys]

Can you travel with him when he goes to work? Im assuming he stays at hotels?

 

[llama112]

Although I haven't been in this situation before, I would recommend keeping yourself busy!!
What have you always wanted to do but never had time to do???
Do that!
Maybe it's learning to paint, exercising more, learning photography ... who knows what ... just go for it!

 

[missheidi]

Can you travel with him when he goes to work? Im assuming he stays at hotels?

I wish he was staying hotels. At least then we could talk on a regular basis. He is working on an oil prodution platform/rig in the gulf of mexico. He's only about 20 miles offshore but he can't catch cellular service and the internet on the platform doesnt work so well, so we are only able to talk for 10-15 minutes a night on the platform phone

@ llama112
I've been trying to keep myself as busy as possible and it does help but its still hard at night when I'm home alone. Everyone I talk to who has a s/o wiith the same occupation says it just takes some time to adjust. Hopefully I can adjust quickly, because I am dreading next Wednesday morning when he leaves again

 

[alasdairm]

We've been together for 6 years and have only spent maybe 3 or 4 nights away from each other in that time. I literally cry for hours at night because I miss him so much.

a lot of people would tell you that's a bit of a red flag and doesn't sound very healthy.

llama112 is right - you need to use this as an opportunity to spend some time on yourself. being so attached to another person for so long you've probably forgotten what it's like to enjoy the pleasure of your own company and do the things that you like to do?

there must be some things - hobbies, pastimes, whatever - that you've thought about doing but you haven't had time in the past 6 years. what are they? even if you can't think of anything off the top of your head, do some stumbling around the internet and look for inspiration. connect with others using a site like meetup.com or such. if nothing comes to mind, think about getting fit(ter)? time spent getting in (better) shape is an investment in your own future, both with and without your partner.

alasdair

 

[mr.buffnstuff]

i used to work abroad offshore aswell from when i was 19-22 and it was tough i was gone for 2-6 weeks at a time sometimes not knowing when id be back, i got in a punch up in sicily, got thrown off, managed to get home after well over a day to find my gf with some other lad in my house! he will be having his doubts and concerns but dont let it show, at the end of the day he is doing a tough job but also a privilaged job! and whether girls like to hear it or not IMO work comes first!

 

[trooper7]

Well, not quite the same thing, but my husband's in prison. So I kinda feel your pain. You'll get used to it, I promise. Maybe get a pet? Having a warm snuggly dog in your bed will make you feel less lonely at night, and less bored during the day.
Hang out with friends. Female friends. Spend time with family, if they're close.

 

[shishigami]

It really sucks at first but it gets better. At least in my experience. I'm currently in a long distance relationship (and have been since the end of summer) so only get to see my girlfriend every couple weeks (ranging from 2-7). In the beginning the sadness was depressing and almost unbearable. There would be days when I would just tear up and yell in the shower and think the pain wasn't even worth it. Now I still miss her but it's more of a "I love you and miss you" than "I miss you and am beside myself since you're not with me." I'm assuming he has some free time on the ship. Perhaps you could pick one movie a week that you'll both watch separate and then discuss. Something that could connect you. Or even better watch the first part of a series and then watch it together.

 

[rangrz]

Sure, but on the other end, the one going away, and not 7 days, 6-8 months. Join the Army they said, you won't being jerking off in the desert for 6 months they said.

While I was generally kept busy with the operational tempo, we had our down time. I had to keep busy to keep from missing people back home. I ended up reading a lot, hanging out at the mess (bar), playing sports, and, this one probably won't apply to you, but I spent a lot of time drinking coffee and talking with soldiers from other countries and locals who did labour work. Try to get out and meet new groups of people is my advice.

 

[Wyld 4 X]

a lot of people would tell you that's a bit of a red flag and doesn't sound very healthy.

Wow, was thinking the exact same thing........I picked the wrong week to stop thinking about smoking weed again.



missheidi: I would suggest that if you know any female friends (or anyone) who are spouses or s/o of military men/women to contact them. They are best suited to answer this question.