Have drugs fucked you up?

[lostinthevoid]

So id consider myself pretty drug fucked, ive taken alot of psychedelics and pills over the years which caused me some pretty intense depression and hppd. In an effort to fix this i was put on benzos which just made it worse now i cant even get out of bed so yeah hppd, benzo withdrawel hardcore depression and anxiety id consider myself fairly drug fucked whats your story?

 

[theartofwar]

Ive covered up a slue of mental problems for near 13 years of habitual use. Started drugs at 10, now 25 and the cleaner i get the more other troubles pop up mentally. It's a battle but the war of life is worth fighting every battle.

 

[kooterlover]

I guess you can say, started doing pot at 15, but wanted something more with hallucinations, went to LSD for 5 years. Speed was very avaiklable, at the time we produced 90% of the world supply, dont believe me, look up meth in the 90s. Coke has always been around. Since all these new laws on Meth came about the Cartels are pouring in the H, Mexico is #2 behind you know who. I haave been posting a lot about my detox these last few days, oh and raided bust. So besides loosing everything I ever loved, having to go thru the worst type of pain in jail, where they do not give you anything to help now a days, unless you are really going to die, like my wife almost did. Id say yes, I am pretty drugged fucked.

 

[8L4YN3]

I'm not fucked up. So they havn't fucked me up or really damaged me badly. Probably have cost me alot of relationships, opportunities ect. I definitely think i would have achieved more if i had never of got into drugs at all.

 

[SirTophamHat]

I started using recreationally at 17, just weed. Then psychedelics. Like so many potheads and tripfreaks I thought I was learning things that I wasn't able to get out of my sober life. And I was happy at the time. The thing was, I've always been introverted and these habits made it worse.

I went to college and found myself unable to relate to others who weren't druggies like me, and my shit for social skills had me escaping through psychedelics. Summers were fine, my old group of buddies and I could still get down and have a good time. It was branching out and forming new, meaningful relationships that I couldn't do for the life of me. In fact, whether or not it would have happened anyway I can't say for sure, but my sophomore year (Age 19) led me to developing a very bad case of anxiety that has lasted with me since. I don't want to talk about it.

Senior year of college, I moved out of my apartment and back into my parents' place (insert story about insane psycho roommate here). Of course this did nothing to help my ability to get out and mingle; my love for alcohol started to grow. Into and throughout 2010 I basically was a burgeoning alcoholic. It took me a few months past graduation for me to admit that I have a problem with it and now try to stay away as much as I can. I also started experimenting with downers at uni which (inevitably?) led to unsustainable heroin use etc. That wasn't a good choice either.

Drugs did fuck me up, but I let them. Thinking about how much of my own time and money I wasted hiding away in my own thoughts makes me sick. I know some people can be weekend warriors, but for me I need to do my best to just give it all up. It's hard, in fact I barely know my own potential anymore and I am scared I won't be able to find it out.

lostinthevoid: The problem with your condition (and mine) is that they came about with the drugs use so we don't know if they would have popped up regardless. We can always postulate, though the truth is that a bunch of people are depressed worldwide and the road to recovery ain't so simple as popping another pill. Congratulations on recognizing that the benzos won't help in the long-term. I used to be on them too and they just cover shit up. In order for you/I to get better it will take some time being out of our comfort zones first. Best of luck in handling your depression, I know it's no joke.

 

[g3rmz23]

Yeah, SirTophamHat, I know how you feel.. I started smoking weed like 2 years ago and now I'm 15. When I was 14, I found I have a very addictive personality.. I used a lot of coke for a couple months, then did thizz for like 10 months and lately I've been doing a lot of acid.. I feel pretty detached from people, and I definatly can't trust people who are sober..

It's chill though, I'm happy in my head.

 

[bennyZA]

SirTopHamHat: Your life is almost a perfect mirror of my life, I mean... really close.

g3rmz23: I'm not one to judge or tell people what to do, but you probably should not being doing E or LSD at 15. Becoming a druggie involves learning safe practice, some high-level chemistry, and biology. These are things that I don't think you can grasp at 15... I know what your thinking: "Fuck you, don't tell me what I know and don't know... yadda." I'm trying to be as nice as possible and help you. You are lucky, you are in the position to nip it in the bud (you have no idea how many people which they could go back to your age and change a few things). However, seeing as your 15 your not going to listen to me. So here's some really good shit to know:

dancesafe.com
www.ecstasydata.org/
DONT EVER DO A DRUG without checking Erowid.org
Don't ever take a pill without looking it up on at least 2-3 websites
Research as much as possible before trying a drug
Try not to drink then do drugs... other way around seems to be fine.
Learn some basic pharmacology, chemistry and biology

This is the most important part though:
ALWAYS CALL 911 IF SOMEONE IS UNCONSCIOUS OR A DANGER TO THEMSELVES AND/OR OTHERS, if you don't want police coming to your house, take the person directly to the hospital and don't ever, ever, ever leave someone hanging. Make sure at least one person stays with the person from start to finish DONT BE AFRAID TO GET IN TROUBLE. Do the best you can (hide your stash, etc), but they don't send cops to investigate your friends OD unless they die... so don't let them.

Drugs friends are funny. They are a blast to be around, but once you become a problem, they'll drop you on the pavement in a hospital parking lot on the other side of the ER, true story cause it happened to me.

Be safe man

 

[kooterlover]

SirTopHamHat: Your life is almost a perfect mirror of my life, I mean... really close.

g3rmz23: I'm not one to judge or tell people what to do, but you probably should not being doing E or LSD at 15. Becoming a druggie involves learning safe practice, some high-level chemistry, and biology. These are things that I don't think you can grasp at 15... I know what your thinking: "Fuck you, don't tell me what I know and don't know... yadda." I'm trying to be as nice as possible and help you. You are lucky, you are in the position to nip it in the bud (you have no idea how many people which they could go back to your age and change a few things). However, seeing as your 15 your not going to listen to me. So here's some really good shit to know:

dancesafe.com
www.ecstasydata.org/
DONT EVER DO A DRUG without checking Erowid.org
Don't ever take a pill without looking it up on at least 2-3 websites
Research as much as possible before trying a drug
Try not to drink then do drugs... other way around seems to be fine.
Learn some basic pharmacology, chemistry and biology

This is the most important part though:
ALWAYS CALL 911 IF SOMEONE IS UNCONSCIOUS OR A DANGER TO THEMSELVES AND/OR OTHERS, if you don't want police coming to your house, take the person directly to the hospital and don't ever, ever, ever leave someone hanging. Make sure at least one person stays with the person from start to finish DONT BE AFRAID TO GET IN TROUBLE. Do the best you can (hide your stash, etc), but they don't send cops to investigate your friends OD unless they die... so don't let them.

Drugs friends are funny. They are a blast to be around, but once you become a problem, they'll drop you on the pavement in a hospital parking lot on the other side of the ER, true story cause it happened to me.

Be safe man

That reminds me of some old time with acid and when my buddies started to get into the "real drugs" We loved to mix and mix and mix. I have had a few friends go on really bad trips, like jump out of 2 story windows and throw there blood around. Had to call cops a few times, they usually asked no questions, just takes like 10 of them to stop the bad tripper. Tyed him up, took him to the hospital, he wakes up with a cathitor and no memory of the destruction. So, I guess the moral of the story is, please don't do LSD alone. You might see yourself on the news running naked down your main street.

 

[godlovesugly]

i was fucked up BEFORE drugs.

but when i first found alcohol and drugs. it was love. i come from a really fucked up family - divorce and custody battle when i was little, abuse [mental, physical, sexual], my dad is a now recovering alcoholic with mental illness and major anger issues, my mom cares for my paraplegic stepdad who has been in a wheelchair since 18 yrs old. he is not a nice person and made my life a living hell in high school until now. im 24 yrs old now...my sister is 'perfect' - two years older than me, married, lives in a house, has a masters degree, 2 dogs, works at the university here, no addiction problems. i never felt normal or right. i have lived with ocd, ptsd, major depression, insomnia, anxiety for all my life. i found alcohol at age 18 and from the minute i first took that sip, it was on! i found what i had been searching for...from then on, everyday i made it my mission to get fucked up. i didnt care about anything. i did any and all drugs i came across - alcohol, coke, meth, heroin, pills [of every sort], weed, shrooms, ectasy, even inhalants. ive overdosed twice, been to jail, rehab, detox, had an interlock in my car that my mother put in there, have possession charges on my record. my doctor and nurse have even recently told me to check myself into the psych ward. but i wont.

i self-medicated for almost 7 years. now im trying once again to get sober. i talk to my friend alot. he has the same issues as me but worse, he has major manic depression worse than ive ever seen and hes a lifelong meth user. we used together for almost a year. we're getting sober together now. but we both feel permanently fucked from drugs and our mental issues. we have both tried so many times to get clean and we always slip back into the drug world. i like to think there's hope...but is there really?

 

[Asclepius]

^This is the usual problem. One person/child in the Family ends up manifesting the result of all the dysfunction that has been going on over a period. For this reason you need to get extra care and extra support GLU. I really feel for ya hun. I know its easy to compare yourself to your sister but it doesnt mean there is anything innately 'wrong' with you, just that you have been exposed to an amout of dark shit and abuse with no-one to properly understand/protect you and whatever processes that took place within you, led you into gaping self destruction ...really hope things get better for you, from reading your posts can see that you are trying hard to fight this. Hope is always there, there are twists and turns but its always there to move ya forward.


I started taking sleeping pills/drink/inhalents as a child because of depression of some sort, the problems didnt dissapate and I started to venture into taking anything to remove me from the reality and self -loathing I found so difficult to cope with. It was only after burning myself up too much that I realised how reality offered some stability and security which I lossed through taking substances and neglecting myself. I have a degree of healthy fear about drugs now that I had not when I was younger. For that I am grateful.

SirTopHamHat: Your life is almost a perfect mirror of my life, I mean... really close.

g3rmz23: I'm not one to judge or tell people what to do, but you probably should not being doing E or LSD at 15. Becoming a druggie involves learning safe practice, some high-level chemistry, and biology. These are things that I don't think you can grasp at 15... I know what your thinking: "Fuck you, don't tell me what I know and don't know... yadda." I'm trying to be as nice as possible and help you. You are lucky, you are in the position to nip it in the bud (you have no idea how many people which they could go back to your age and change a few things). However, seeing as your 15 your not going to listen to me. So here's some really good shit to know:

dancesafe.com
www.ecstasydata.org/
DONT EVER DO A DRUG without checking Erowid.org
Don't ever take a pill without looking it up on at least 2-3 websites
Research as much as possible before trying a drug
Try not to drink then do drugs... other way around seems to be fine.
Learn some basic pharmacology, chemistry and biology

This is the most important part though:
ALWAYS CALL 911 IF SOMEONE IS UNCONSCIOUS OR A DANGER TO THEMSELVES AND/OR OTHERS, if you don't want police coming to your house, take the person directly to the hospital and don't ever, ever, ever leave someone hanging. Make sure at least one person stays with the person from start to finish DONT BE AFRAID TO GET IN TROUBLE. Do the best you can (hide your stash, etc), but they don't send cops to investigate your friends OD unless they die... so don't let them.

Drugs friends are funny. They are a blast to be around, but once you become a problem, they'll drop you on the pavement in a hospital parking lot on the other side of the ER, true story cause it happened to me.

Be safe man

^This is such a wise and true post Benny!
Also, at any age you never really can be certain of what way your system/psyche is going to respond to a drug...there are things about ourselves we arent aware of and it is advantageous to use your brain to be aware of this fact. Some people do okay and others really do badly, to the point of death/severe mental illness, there is alot of gambling involved. Sometimes this is what it simply can be, gambling with your quality of life in ignorance.
Not trying to scaremonger anyone but it is important not to be deluded about things, whatever they are.

 

[vortex30]

I've literally abused every category of drug, and yeah, I'm fucked up to some extent, but I'm better off than I would have imagined I'd have been.

Cannabis - 15-Present (21) - Smoked Cannabis pretty much every day, a couple of breaks, longest was 35 days, but for the most part, daily, and at some points, several times a day (18-19). Cannabis has lowered my motivation to do things with myself, and to a very big extent it has limited my social abilities. General anxiety and depression made worse through Cannabis use.

Dissociatives - 15-18 - Didn't mind DXM at all, but hated taking down the cough medicine, finding Ketamine was like finding God, the perfect drug for me. I did it 5 nights in a row after grabbing it the first time, and on the 5th day I did it at school. My Ketamine use followed the pattern of taking a few weeks off and then going 5-10 days straight on it. It literally made me stupid, numb, slow, etc. My school work suffered dramatically most notably my math abilities, I went from an 80+ in math to barely passing in one semester. It was my first real addiction, I got over it when I developed HPPD. I still use K from time to time, but it will be ONE use every 3-6 months. Also gone through probably 400 nitrous hits myself but this never developed into a problem.

Psychedelics - 16-18 (+ recent) - At 16 I did mushrooms, I loved them so much the first 8 times, then a friend of mine had a psychotic break on them in my house, which really affected me. I did shrooms 2 more times before I tried 'LSD' which was actually a DOx and I wound up tripping in the airport the following day. Then I tried real LSD, first time was amazing, second time I had a bad trip, developed HPPD, and through this experience, the friend's psychotic break and the DOx experience I developed something like PTSD (this all happened within 9 months). After 2.5 years off all psychs I felt willing to take a low dose of Mushrooms. I did this one other time and 4-aco-dmt the other day. I like psilocin, but will never touch LSD again, and psilocin very rarely henceforth.

Benzodiazepines/GABAergics - 19-Present (21) - Never had a problem with Alcohol in high-school. My discovery of Clonazepam coincided with my onset of HPPD. Naturally it provided a beautiful escape! Winter 2009 I got prescribed Clonazepam, become dependent, tapered off (first physical withdrawals). Sourced benzos at various points, tend to over do them and black out, tend to buy 150mg Xanax at a time. Never been in terrible withdrawals, somehow I do moderate this drug well. Also got into GBL heavy for a while and Alcohol these days from time to time. Anxiety problems persist, naturally.

Stimulants - 19-20 - Though I used coke, MDMA and amphetamine a few times in highschool, they never gripped me like Mephedrone. I started about 2 years ago, was once a week off the bat but usually for just one night. Within 2-3 months I was going 2-3 days on the stuff and by Fall 2009 I was going 2-4 days, every week, for several months. I stopped May 13, 2010 and have noticed so much beauty and what not slowly come back in life. Mephedrone fucked up my physical health primarily, but it's mental effects were not benign at all. Sleep deprivation was hell, the depression was terrible. MDPV is disgusting and I smoked ~750mg over 4 days on a Temazepam black out this fall (triggered opiates, lost respect for myself being stimulant free, and just felt DEATHLY).

Opiates - 20-Present (21) - Have affected my life the least of all the drugs I've done but worth mentioning due to them being the most recent affair and a possible future problem. Used oxy and codeine a few times in high-school and first/second year university but NEVER had ANY problem with it whatsoever, I even somewhat disliked them overall. But then this summer I had a lot of money and a dealer getting Oxy once a month consistently, and others who could hook me up from time to time. Was using it 1-4 times a week for most of the summer. This fall I was pretty good but early December after a terrible MDPV binge I was in a lot of pain. I used an opiate most days from early December to New Years. Oxy and MS Contins. Got mild withdrawals after New Years, but been clean since. Tolerance is the worst factor here. At the start of the Summer 30-40mg of Oxy still got me noddy, by the end of the summer 40mg Oxy just made me feel good. At this point I need 60mg to feel good, 80mg to be high, 120mg to be really noddy. This makes regular use impossible for me due to finances, but even occasional use really expensive!

Bah...Drugs...

 

[mukaki]

Did drugs fuck me up? Actually no. I was mentally ill before I started doing drugs, and neither my psychologist nor my psychiatrist think I did any more damage by doing gbl and such.

I'm still fucked up though :s

 

[Ds]

i aint rite in the head anymore because of drugs. i have to live with this nervous tick for the rest of my life.
shit sucks

 

[SubDude]

Hindsight is always 20/20 so if I could go back I would have NEVER used H and definitely avoided ORT. That being said... who knows if I would be better or worse off. I could be living on the street panhandling to get my next bottle of cheap wine??

So the answer to your question is both YES and NO.

 

[Legerity]

I was pretty miserable before touching a drug so it didn't cause that, but when I was using more heavily my life was probably more chaotic than it would have been otherwise. It is possible that it contributed to making me more anxiety-prone, which I noticed after having left rehab, but I'm pretty sure whatever l issues I have existed before drug use entered the picture.

 

[MaLfUnCtIoN5]

i've been pretty depressed my whole life, so its hard to tell what drugs have done and what they havent. i have a very fatal view of things.

 

[paranoid android]

If anyones really bored i posted in my blog about this. It's long and rambling so yeah i put it in blogs here

 

[†∆†]

drugs didnt fuck me up, my use of drugs is just a symptom of my pre-existing fucked-upness

 

[paranoid android]

I was mentally ill in some way long before i ever got into drugs. I remember thinking about suicide and being really depressed as far back as 11. Thats as far as my memories go with that. I did use drugs to sorta "treat" the mental problems i had and i did that for a long time.

I still use drugs to sorta mask my problems from time to time but it doesent work so well these days

 

[bennyZA]

I think that drugs have changed the way I look at life. There are positives and negatives, but for the most part, I've experienced and done things most people would never have (in a good way) seen. Of course there are draw backs, I'm glad my life will be an adventure.