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Has E faded from your life and how do you view it now?

MollyBomb said:
This is exactly what I am going through. When I first started rolling I was convinced molly would always be prevalent in my life. Eventually I started to space my rolls out more and more, and about 2 years after my first roll, I didn't feel the need or "panic" like you stated to always have some available to me.
It's sad that that phase of my life has come and gone, but I finally understand what "losing the magic" means. Eventually it becomes familiar. I am now okay with parting ways. If it appears, then so be it. But I will not be searching for it anytime soon.
I'm glad I found your post. I came to this site in search for something like this.
Click to expand...

Well put:)


A ton of great responses to a great post :)
 
I did it a lot in 2010 in my early 20s and it was everything to me. For the first time in my life I experienced what it was like to be 100% anxiety free in social scenarios, but it was more than just about breaking down social barriers. I would feel an intimate, cosmic connection to the universe and myself, I'd be in the most comfortable possible state of mind while raving out dancing all night like a maniac. During this period of my life, I was the most social I have ever been in my life and probably used the drug once every week or so on average, however there were a couple sketchy little binges thrown in for good measure :^p

The experience has doubtless changed my life. I'm more comfortable with myself and socially outgoing now. I grin when I think of my old rolling self. I aim to be that way all the time - it showed me how to be a better person. However, I wouldn't use it again. I don't believe it's worth the risk of post-roll depression as I've already been shown the light of the world anyway. And for whatever reason I just got sick of it, I outgrew it and I've moved on. I dropped and sniffed grams upon grams of crystal that year, no reason to go back.

I hate weed now - after being shown the rolling experience, I don't vibe with the weed obsessed, socially passive state of consciousness I always find myself in once I get going with that drug. Simply put, rolling made me realize that stoner guy is a weak-minded, selfish burnout compared to who I am when I'm sober. Well, mushrooms had already revealed that to me, but rolling me was like, "Really? You're still smoking that crap even though it wrecks your self confidence and social skills, steals everything positive about your personality and turns you into a dumbass? It's NOT ok even though everyone says it is and you're still getting decent marks and staying in shape, you can't even smile without it." For a while I have been struggling internally with this because a part of me will always love pot, but rolling made me snap about it. I became impulsive and started to freak out over my cannabis addiction as I couldn't stand being that stoned recluse after raving out so much and learning how to open up to people.

I want to be active, not miss out on anything life has to offer. So I don't do any drugs regularly anymore, and the only drugs I'm interested in doing are powerful psychedelics, notably LSD, 5-MeO-DMT, and AMT - the latter of which I am very excited about, the middle of which I am terrified of, and the former of which I have already experienced and loved.

In conclusion, you really only have a limited number of possible rolling experiences and should embrace them while you can. If I had kept going with it, I believe I would be braindead by now, and I’m glad that I had the sense to realize what I was doing to myself and stop before it got bad. If I had been sensible with my spacing and dosage I'm sure I would still be rolling occasionally, but there is no going back in time and I am cool with the choices I have made.

Peace
 
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Yes it has actually which fucking sucks because I love mdma and mda

I had an awesome time using it for a few years after I got out of high school but just as I began to discover mdma is when all the rc's and meth and whatever else was showing up in pills

But at the time it wasn't too bad, you could still find quality rolls and good molly with out getting a meth bomb every time you try to roll
After about 2 or 3 years of use my friend developed a serious anxiety disorder from abusing mdma every weekend and multiple days during the week, which I told him was a very bad idea

Anyway he started getting on all these different anti depressants and shit and he was kind of like my rolling buddy, we always did it together but he would always way over due it

We went to Bonnaroo in 2006 and I shit you not this fucking kid did at least 30 different ecstasy pills over the course of the weekend, mixed with lsd and mushrooms and whatever else we ingested.
But after that he had a very long and hard come down where he had to recover for weeks after the fest.

So that was when he started going to the doctor and stuff and was totally turned off by mdma any more because of his abuse

Well then like I said he stopped rolling all together and we kind of started to get older and grow up a little bit and with all these new responsibilities I couldn't just go out and get fucked every day like before.
And plus I started getting shittier and shittier rolls and couldn't find molly anymore in my area so since around 07 I haven't rolled but a hand full of times and them mostly being only one time a year thing when I'm at a fest or get lucky and run into some molly. I stopped trusting pressed pills and I didn't have a test kit at the time

So yeah I just kind of fell out of that scene and the rave scene and didn't have any connects anymore, plus at the time I had a fucking alcoholic gf who hated any drug under the sun and looked at people who occasionally liked to get fucked up on ecstasy or lsd or anything like that like they were fucking hardcore heroin junkies or something

But yeah I haven't rolled since 2010 and I do miss mdma greatly sometimes
It's by far my favorite drug ever and I would never abuse it, can't risk losing that magic
 
my last roll was in 2001. I think about it almost every day. I just don't run in those circles anymore. maybe someday some MDMA will fall in my lap but as for now it is just a pipe dream. I don't go looking for it and health problems would have me thinking twice about even taking it if I did find it.
 
I rolled for the first time in 2007.

From '07-'10 I'd say I rolled every 2-3 months. It was magical. I always said I'd also never lose touch with this amazing experience I had discovered. I always tell my friends about how amazing rolling is and the awesome times I've had with it. I havent rolled since 2010, basically just lost touch and didn't have time. Rolling was also getting pricey and I started getting terrible pills.

Even though it has been 2 years I always think about rolling. And when the right pill or time comes I won't think twice about doing it again.

Even if it becomes a once a year or once in a while thing, I hope I'll roll for a long time!
 
"familiarity breeds contempt"

I have not "lost the magic" in that mdma works exactly like it should. but now, even though there are long breaks in between, I know exactly what I'm going to feel and when.

It's like riding a roller coaster that scares and excites the hell out of you at first. then you ride it over and over and over to the point that you can read a book and take a nap while riding it, even though it hasn't changed at all...

with mdma, eventually it gets to the point: "Is that all there is?"

I almost feel sad and embarrassed at looking at how I used to view it, thinking how can I even imagine living without it?

I still roll and imagine I always will, but now it is just another amusement...
 
That's what I said earlier in this thread. You have to change the way you look at the drug. View it as an enhancer, not the sole source of making you feel good. The main thing that dilutes the experience in that regard IMO is expectation. Shift your focus from how the drug is making you feel to how your ACTIVITY is making you feel be it dancing in a club/chilling at home whatever, and use MDMA to make it feel better. (ENHANCE).
For me I set a rule when I try to pick a party to roll, if I wouldn't be able to have fun there sober, I won't roll there as well. It's quite simple really.
 
dezz, I agree with you, but it is hard to make that transition.

MDMA is like a first crush, that you think you will be in love with for the rest of your life, even though everyone is telling you that there will be many others, you don't want to believe them and can't even imagine it

but of course they were right all along...
 
I know man, and I feel you. I really do! All I can say is the times where I've felt like "fuck it, let's just pop a pill and see what happens", those times rivaled my first time, and I only dropped 170 mg's. My last roll I looked forward to it for ages so I took 230 mg's+ at once and at the end I was still dissapointed and was left with a feeling of "so this is it?...".

I really think mindset is ALOT more important then your brain chemistry making you "lose" the magic. Alot of the times people forgot set and setting and how they step into the experience as well. The same works for everything else in life though. Going on a holiday for instance, I'm sure the stuff you do isn't much different then at home, but the change of scenery and your surroundings make everything fantastic again.

To be honest in order to retrieve magic I think you gotta "fall out of love" with MDMA. Forget about it for awhile, if you do roll don't make it a big deal. Set your expectations low and have other stuff to do while your rolling. I'm sure you'll end up thinking "WOW this is actually quite awesome!".
 
Ecstasy was never really my thing. I started raving in the summer of 2010. Tried my first roll. Didn't notice much from it. Rolled maybe 2 or 3 more times till I tried LSD and immediately got into Psychedelics. I've rolled quite a few times since then, but really, it's nothing I care about too much. I rolled super hard a few months ago, was yapping my mouth off to everyone, and I fucking loved it! But again, it's not something I crave or will go out of my way to do again. It's, meh. If it's there, sure I'll do it. If it's not, no big deal.

I'm more into Psychedelics and Dissociatives.
 
I'm 21, and I started rolling when I was 19. ages 19 and 20 were the best years of my life. I had a girlfriend and we would take MDMA together with all of our friends at my house. Everyone from that time period, including my girlfriend, have faded away into nothingness. X has fallen out of my life, and so has all the people associated with it. It's sad, looking back and realizing all of the fun times we had, and knowing that those people don't even exist to me anymore. But, that's life..
 
Great statement dezz, which I will definitely try to internalize to make the most out of my experiences with MDMA and life in general. I also fell in love with it a few months ago, but just like with everything you love, it's not healthy if you're getting too obsessed with it.
 
I did E for the first time in decembre, last time was 16th of may (birthday). It was my 7th or 8th roll I think. Actually that roll wasn't good at all.. The music was super super still. The crowd wasnt very good. I had eaten some fries at lunch and nothing for the rest so my roll only lasted from 11:45 till like half past 1. I think we didn't get very good pills also cause my friends were convinced they didn't roll as hard as well. The roll wasnt bad but just very short because I didnt eat. At like half past 3 (on the comedown) we bought 1G of mdma with 4 people and I just kind of overdid it. I probably took like 500mg. I was gurning till 7 in the morning and didnt get much sleep. The next 2 days were ok but after that I felt shitty and aggitated until last wednesday (14 days :S).

I'm now kind of disgusted by it to say it in a harsh way and I don't feel like doing it for a long time. I've also noticed that the setting is so super important. My best roll was with all of my friends at this hardstyle event (I dont like hardstyle lol). The music wasnt great but all my friends were there and I just loved talking to people that I hadn't seen in some time. I think i'm gonna just roll at this yearly bbq we do every year with close friends. Maybe take some truffles and hippy flip cause I love those (u can get em legally in holland, theyre like mushrooms). TBH I think psychedelics could be more my thing, gonna try acid in the summer and I hear the euphoria is a lot better than MDMA (what, even better? :D) Dont get me wrong, I really like MDMA but I feel that after 8 times i'm beginning to grow out of it already.
 
Hell yeah truffels are fun right (fellow dutchie here). The MDMA makes the visuals ALT more intense it seems aswell.
 
Years ago pills were fantastic, then they became shit. In recent years MDMA crystals arrived on the scene and blow me, better than any of the 'fantastic' pills I ever took :)
So, when it were cut in pills, yeah, it sure did lose it's magic, but the availability of MDMA in its pure form has brought the magic back with a bang for me.
 
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