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Has E faded from your life and how do you view it now?

V

vancbc

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 19, 2003
Messages
1,237
I'm a 37 year old guy. I discovered MDMA around 10 years ago and had a magical ride for several years. During the early years of MDMA I was convinced I thought I had discovered the most amazing thing on earth and was sure I would never lose the magic and that it would be something I would do forever. I couldn't imagine life without it and knew deep down inside I'd never give it up. I would see posts on Bluelight about how people no longer used, and I was confident that would never be me. However, over the years as I continued to use, the experience became more and more diminished and the recovery became harder and harder until I reached that point where I didn't want to use anymore. Even when I didn't want to use anymore, if I got drunk or listened to trance music I would get a strong desire to get high but even that faded over time. I always used to need to have a connection to E or have at least a couple of pills in my possession or I would feel worried; but now I have no connections with the drug and don't care. After the last few lack luster experiences, I don't really care if I ever use E again. It was amazing while it lasted and so hard to let go, but now I've moved on.

Tonight I was out dancing at a psytrance night at a local club and saw two girls sitting on the dance floor against a wall looking on with awe as a guy with white gloves with coloured lights in the fingertips gave them a light show. I couldn't help but stop dancing and watch, and I had this ear-splitting grin from ear to ear as I watched them. When the guy stopped, both girls had these amazing smiles on their faces and I saw one girl almost in a daze mouth the words, "Oh my god that was so amazing" and then they both got up and gave the guy this biggest, longest hug. It didn't give me any desire to be high, but it made this old guy's heart so happy and excited that I actually teared up on the dance floor in knowing that even though the scene changes that there is a generation under me that is discovering and enjoying the amazing, ecstatic experiences that I also once had. Call me a sentimental fool, but I looked around the dance floor at all the younger dancers and it filled me with this hope and encouragement that the magic of E lives on, if not in me then in people who are coming after me. For me now, seeing other people go into that experience is just as amazing as it ever was for me taking the drug. In my own way I'm right there with them and know just where they are at without having to take a drug to get there.

Have you stopped using E and what is your perspective if you have?
 
i smashed a lot everyweekend last year and it really fucked me up. stopped for 3 months now back to once a month but gonna take a break to keep it live.
 
Last year or so I've really tried hard to get into the DnB scene, despite a lot of it being huge commercial events I still have the time of my life every time. I guess I'm in the slightly younger crowd just discovering it. No idea what will happen in the future, already starting to favour Psy's. Not sure how my connection to MDMA will end but I'm fairly certain it's something I'll grow out off.
 
Well, I was into EDM (electronic dance music...) a LONG time ago. Like REALLY into it. Then I discovered E. One of the best musical experiences with it ever. I used to do it alot but already it has diminished to once a month/2 months. I am currently on a 5 month break actually. While the drug does have it's downsides I think I will probably be using it for a long time. It's part of the scene I'm in, I DJ and I'm always in the environment, add to that it's pretty damn fun, and it works therapeutic for me. It's kind of a love/hate relationship but I can tell it's not one of those things that's a phase, more like a little treat once in a while that suits the lifestyle you know? =)
 
This is exactly what I am going through. When I first started rolling I was convinced molly would always be prevalent in my life. Eventually I started to space my rolls out more and more, and about 2 years after my first roll, I didn't feel the need or "panic" like you stated to always have some available to me.
It's sad that that phase of my life has come and gone, but I finally understand what "losing the magic" means. Eventually it becomes familiar. I am now okay with parting ways. If it appears, then so be it. But I will not be searching for it anytime soon.
I'm glad I found your post. I came to this site in search for something like this.
 
MDMA has certainly not faded from life. If anything, it has become on of the things that I hope is brought to the forefront of pharmaceutical studies. I believe MDMA serves a much more purposeful use than a club/rave/chill-out phenethlyamine/amphetamine. While I do love the recreational aspects of MDMA, it does have a place for therapeutic uses.

That being said, out of all drugs in life that I have used. MDMA is the one I have the most respect for. It has broken down so many barriers for me, and it has brought me up from the ashes of the struggles in my life. I keep its use to very infrequent moments in life. Six month-One year time spans for me. Or whenever I have so much weight on my shoulders, that I need to learn something about myself to help me stay afloat.
 
I LOVE MDMA <3 Recently I have been on a break from it since here in Canada we had a rash of deaths due to one of the precursors to make MDMA being banned. In turn, there was a lot of PMMA around and a lot of people lost their lives. I love MDMA but wasn't worth the risk... now, I suspect chemists have found a way around that precursor to create an E-like substance that isn't dangerous like PMMA is. So I've decided to start doing it again and just test drive it by starting off with half a pill or a pill, a small line, whatever and see if I feel anything or not (PMMA is a really weak MDMA like high). If I don't, than I wont risk it but if I feel effects off of the test drive, I'll eat some more... and make sure I test drive it before doing it somewhere far from a hospital. So, even though I've been on a break from it, it was only because the PMMA, not for any other reason. I'm sure there will be a point in my life when I use MDMA and other drugs far less often than I do now but I will always have an appreciation and love for MDMA... it changed my life and brought me healing that I never even fathomed before. :)
 
I like to think if i keep it to once every 1-3months i can keep the magic, and when i'm in my late twenties/early thirties i want to be doing mandy like once or twice a year.
 
I think part of loosing the magic is expecting too much of the substance. Unlike tripping, mdma is the same every time. It's only natural to lose the magic after having repeated an experience for about a 100 times. When you are going to roll IMO you shouldn't rely on the mdma to have a good time, but rather let it be an enhancer for an already amazing night.

Go there for the music, just chill, whatever. Don't plan it out with everything about the roll. You'll just set yourself up for a disappointment. I think part of the reason your first time is so magical and amazing is the lack of expectation, and I always try to get into that mindset the next time I roll.
 
dezz said:
I think part of loosing the magic is expecting too much of the substance. Unlike tripping, mdma is the same every time. It's only natural to lose the magic after having repeated an experience for about a 100 times. When you are going to roll IMO you shouldn't rely on the mdma to have a good time, but rather let it be an enhancer for an already amazing night.

Go there for the music, just chill, whatever. Don't plan it out with everything about the roll. You'll just set yourself up for a disappointment. I think part of the reason your first time is so magical and amazing is the lack of expectation, and I always try to get into that mindset the next time I roll.
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Yeah I think thats a pretty sound point that i'd never really considered. Even though i'd waited 3 months, exercised regularly and all that good stuff, my second roll just didn't quite match it. I've tried to blame set, setting, over-dosing and whatever but I think the massive expectation I had going into it probably meant that it just couldn't live up to that novel experience. Literally never been so excited in my life haha.

@OP, E has only just entered my life and i'll admit i'd like it to never leave. Will have to see as I grow up. I'm sort of using myself as a case study for the drug as I don't take any other drugs really and have far less desire to do them. Coupled with responsible use I believe i'll never experience any long-term adverse affects. Lets hope i'm right haha
 
First time: July 1999

Most recent: November 2011

Was a monthly thing for a while, with some back-to-back weekends thrown in there.

Once life's responsibilities -career, family, house- start to be a larger part of life, things taper off.

The key is keeping it special. Nowadays it might be 4 times a year; it might be once a year, but boy is it fun.

A huge part is I know who to go with and what event to go to, so I know I'm having a good time.
 
I first tried MDMA in the summer of 2008. That was an unbelievable experience. Since then I've been using pretty regularly, but I have to say I haven't really enjoy MDMA all that much in a long time. When I first started, I also felt that I would never be one of those people who would willingly stop doing MDMA. But now, I see little reason to do it. It's just not what I need right now.

Don't get me wrong, I would still do MDMA in the right situation, with the right people, but I don't see it happening any time soon.
 
I was rolling a lot when I first started. Usually 2-3x per week. Then I got a great connect and started buying in bulk, 100-150 pills just to hold on to. I started eating 2 pills at a time (quad stacks- which aren't regulated as any certain dosage, but very large thick pills) and I rolled usually 6 out of 7 days a week, and some of those days were twice a day with a few hour break in between. The single day break on sunday to help gain back some of the seratonin. Worst mistake of my life. My whole thought process has changed and my brain is fried. I don't talk slow or burned out, but I can actually tell that the way I think, talk, and act is all different. I try to keep up with the wittiness I had previously, but I just simply can't.

Ecstasy is (and always will be) one of my favorite drugs. It is great in moderate and isolated doses. God help those who use it too frequently. If I could take the time to help new users I would but people tried to tell me and I never listened so I doubt others will.

I don't hate it, I don't love it. I'm indifferent towards it. It changed my life in good and bad ways, but I had some of the best times of my life on it (and made some great friends while using it as well)

There is a time and place for everything, and I usually recommend everyone try E at least once. You'll never regret it.
 
lol but what you said Dezz has truly changed my life. like i'm always worried about how the last time isn't as good as the time before or omg am i gaining tolerance blah blah. I always have a good time sober as well, so I will just take the MDMA and then just let it come instead of sitting around thinking omg when is it gonna hit. Thank u for your words because they changed a lil part of me lol. thnK U!
 
Smashed it Nov/Jan '11-'12, last time I used was the end of last month. The next time I plan to use it is the end of June for a house night I've been planning to go to for ages. It got harder to manage for me at the end of using it when I was nacking it so cut down. It's at the point now where I would plan for MDMA and happily put off for multiple months I think. 1 month of 2 done atm, feel happy with waiting that time though. Might put it off for 3-6 months next time, see how that feels :D I'm really looking forward though regardless, but I believe that making a perfect night first is key, maybe a bit of planning and few months advance notice, then hack n slash irl to make it awesome and moreso worthwhile at the time.

How I feel about it? It had its time in the past, I've gained some amazing friendships and closeness with people I would never have imagined previously. They helped me immensely during that time [the point at which I was 'hammering' was somewhat turbulent] and despite the shit, I don't think I'd change any of it. I'd like to say 'I wish I did less'.. and to some extent aye but every time was special in some way, felt a lot of personal development during that period, getting over barriers and stuff in my life. I see it definately having its time and place in the future. Just more spaced out, haha much more. Because it's mint and I want to keep it that way I think.
I cannot 'sort mates' out aswell with MD, because yeah it's great and a nice thing to do and all... I dunno.. people around here are in the pipes/BZP mindset, where we all used to get shitty pills for 1-2 quid a go and you swallow 5-6 and go crazy and feel shit.. so they have that mentality of swallowing multiple pills... morally I cannot do with the idea of me giving a friend some MD pills for him and his mates, him getting 'greedy' [like years ago].. and swallowing 4 high-end ones in one go and poossibly something bad happening.

That is how I view it
 
I first rolled in 2009 and have since then rolled every 1-3 months, my last time being in March of this year. While my first few experiences with E were before my relationship with my bf began, it became a big part of our time together. Going to events and sharing the experience in each others arm's was a type of therapy for us. On these nights, we would take time to take a step aside from the festivities to talk of us and what we had and what we wanted in our future together. Maybe it was naive or even childish, but we would spend these experiences speaking of how we were each others best friend and soulmate. After 2 years together, we broke up a few weeks ago on his somewhat sudden decision. I was under the impression that my time at events would most likely come to an end at some point and I was ok with that, but I did think that I would hold a lasting relationship with both MDMA and my now-ex. The idea of rolling now, especially without him, makes my chest and stomach hurt. I feel that to truly get over what I had, I have to leave all of this in the past. I look back at my experiences with MDMA with the absolute fondest memories. I feel lucky even to have gotten the opportunity to experience the things I did while using it and I'll always remember these times. I'll always miss it to some degree though. Maybe it's not even a goodbye, just a see you later :)
 
What a wonderful, wonderful post. I'm still very new to this scene and came to MDMA late so I've got a good few rolls left in me. The whole experience is about that sense of connection and community. I can certainly see a time when I will stop and just enjoy the experience of watching others on E and just be happy making sure everyone is ok and having a good time.
 
Shifty38 said:
What a wonderful, wonderful post. I'm still very new to this scene and came to MDMA late so I've got a good few rolls left in me. The whole experience is about that sense of connection and community. I can certainly see a time when I will stop and just enjoy the experience of watching others on E and just be happy making sure everyone is ok and having a good time.
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Yeah I feel like they're a lot of people like that in my scene. I see so many veterans at the raves, quite often on MDMA. Some of them appear to be chasing the glory days on obscene doses of MDMA, others just enjoy watching the youths and appreciate the music. I'm young and usually off my tits on MDMA loving life and get speaking to them. Often people try to warn me preaching the standard HR stuff which I appreciate.

Really wish I was around during the happy hardcore rave days fuelled on PLUR, creates such vibes and atmosphere. I hope the rave culture can live on and improve.
 
yeah a lot of free raves now seem more about standing next to the speakers while on ket
 
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