wouldnt benzos or some neuroleptics combat the temporary issues u r experiencing?
[edit: im sorry, i totally hi-jacked this thread with some relatively unrelated info about my own experience. i was and am totally disorganised, please excuse this one]
i coincidently had my first major stimulant binge with full blown loss of control and fullon mania. i actually wrote a really fucking incoherent emails to a prof of mine (a neurophysiologists) in a spontaneous mdpv induced manic outburst that im having severe regrets about, the mail was probably 4-5 pages in length and basically consisted of free association which i tried to record through the keyboard by just typing down my thoughts as they came, it was a wild and fun process and i had a lot of very sharp ideas (yes even in retrospect some thoguhts were quite impressive). its pretty incoherent for the most part thoguh, even to me looking through it now
i still havent slept. ive never skipped a single night of sleep despite my self medication with ampehtamine for 1yr now and occasional recreational stimulant use throughout the past 12 years
all i could do was work on my aluminum foil vape technique throughout the whole night, i never managed to fit in my masturbating routine or even ROLLING A CIGARETTE OR A JOINT. im a heavy smoker and i dont think ive ever went consecutive 2 waking hours without a cig in the past few years ever. also i smoke pot every single night. this mdpv basing got me so damn manic and focussed on my internal thought processes and (most of all) on getting even half way to where the first hit got me, eventhough i dont even think i felt any sort of actual rush or euphoria i was condemned to chasing after that the whole damn night. i did the same with cocaine freebase (more or less clean a/b extraction with a non polar solvent) when i once in my entire life happened to have cocaine in my possession - 2oz of it unfortunately. but the amount of compulsion and loss of control wasnt 10% of what mdpv did to me last night.
i first sampled it at around noon rectally (5mg if memory serves me right) and shortly thereafter intranasally at about 10mg and really enjoyed the mental clarity it gave me throughout the day eventhough i felt the morish aspects already then. but nothing couldve ever prepared me for the wicked brain twisting self destructive robotic shit i went through last night. all i really remember is starting to write that email, then i went through 1.25g mdpv (yes i guess you could say tolerance developed rapidly, considering 15mg supplied quite the clearheaded calm focus not unlike coke). damn this shit is wicked, a real mind bender, one of the most impressive, scariest experiences ive ever had with any drug. first time im seriosuly scared of what theyre gonna cme up with next... this chem seemignly took sole control over everthing i did.
i ended up smoking pee vee for the whole night, not seeing myself able to give in to the acute sexual desires by masturbating,not seeing myself able to set down the foil for 2 minutes to let my hands roll a joint for my brain like i would on every other day (there was an urge to smoke, just the compulsion to smoke pee vee was dominating EVERY other urge), i abstained from doing ANY hygiene whatsoever (its a very important part of my daily routine and i try to reserve some time for that on other days)
i eventually managed to crawl out of the piles of burnt pieces of foil and was outside on my bycicle like 5mins after my first class had started, feeling nothing but shame and dirt, stumbled into class today with my hands looking as if i had worked in the front yard for a day straight YUK YUK YUK i finally got some real honest insight into what i feel crack addiction must be like.
btw i had a really hard time articulating full sentences throughout the whole day, still havent slept eventhough its 11pm now and im still showing ocd like symptoms, STILL havent managed to smoke a single cigarette since im at this damn boix, not to speak of a joint, disorganized and disinhibited thoguht patterns, whoa, i really hope this wont bounce back into a heavy depressive episode. i have a feeling that what i previously claimed to be slight hypomanic tendencies is turning into a monster that feeds on my stimulant use.
btw i noticed barely any peripheral side effects whatsoever, pretty damn impressive considering the massive dat inhibition and mdpv plasma levels i mustve had at these dosage levels. god how can a drug be so forgiving and so godamn destructive in such a short time span at the same time? im amazed, truly amazed, a unique substance for sure. sorry guzys, i know a lot of what im saying contains typos, is lacking structure and im repeating the same core statements over and over. peace im out, time for POT!
edit: omg 36h after my first mdpv trial i finally managed to roll a motherfucking joint, i just hope im gonna unwind now and wont crash too hard, ive never experienced any reinforcing stimulus close to this. ive had ,y fair share of cocaine in the past 10 years and never spent a dime on it and usually dont even have much trouble passing on free hi grade coke which ive constantly got offered over the past ten years. this stuff HAS to be researched!!! i am gonna restrain myself from talkinmg about all the oh-so-brilliant manic ideas that i had in the past two days, but i did surely benefit from it in that i managed to talk over a conflict with a guy im studying with that had previously caused us to avoid one another completely for what must've been about two weeks. it originally resulted from reciprocal misunderstandings due to the limitations of tele-communication, failure to understand each others situation and intentions, low tendency of deescalating such situations on both sides and a whole lot of hurt pride in consequence. oh my choleric personality and the fact that I had actually pissed my pants because of bad sensory input, probably triggered a lot of anger, eventhough it's just a way I've tried to express myself sometimes as last means.
short summary
pros: potential to induce some sort of change, in my case for the better and in retrospect i could avoid any social disasters to occur (so far).
small to moderate doses without tolerance initially seem to affect ability to focus without any of the behavioural effects becoming apparent
cons: (after first and hopefully last use of the substance!)
-reenforcing it's own use resulting in the constant number one need to redose with NO respect whatsoever for any consequences, just looking at the stuff within it's package now gives me goosebumps
-It immediately triggered a manic episode it seems, I feel strong fluctuations in perceived energy levels, perceived mental clarity, fuck I have no idea if the urge to leave this plane again, get a feeling of control back, get the mental tension down, get any sense for time management back or if the road that leads to an eventual downward spiral with a superinhibited mind and motivation until I somehow hopefully again find the strenght in me or someone else showing any sort of empathy towards my perceived loss of control (the vast majority of people really seem to hate folks who feel they're not in charge of themselves, probably reminds them of their own material limitations)
-i can barely remember gaining any pleasure that'd go past what other stimulants which are all less reinforcing, but also a lot less fascinating as of now
-i do expect some unnoticable to subtle, but in the long run possibly accumulating social sanctions resulting from generally fluctuating behaviour and maybe some more attention and some raised suspicion from the prof - he's not considered an acute threat
it might be the sleep deprivation, but im experiencing a lot of difficulties with verbal communication. I pause befor starting a sentence, think a lot in between, I'm definitely less eloquent when it comes to speaking, but long after this was apparent I still have an extreme manic drive to express myself through typing, it's hard to form sentences nonetheless and theres a lot of corrections necessary to infuse the sentences with readability
- i want to get to fucking bed, hope this is over soon, 6h till i gotta get up, got some forever lasting phnezepam which will cause lingering drowsiness for days that doesnt seem worht anight of sleep eventhough my body really screams for it, im thirsty, got phenazepam, diphenhydramine, also weed ready to be rolled up, got plenty of foods and drinks, but i cant fucking tear myself away from occupying the keyboard. sorry guys if i leave stuff out i gotta interrupt this now. wait im writing ot, its not even an exp report, god this stuff is awful, ive had three bananas in almost 40h, appetite which was not present whatsoever eventhough my body shouldve shown at least a sign of hunger spark up here and there. notjhing. shit i leave now FUKC THIS STUFF NEVER DOSE THIS HIGHER THAN 5-10MG. side effects seem to be a lot more porofound and unforgiving in behavioural and reflective changes than in the few physical adverse short term side effects.
