Jennyfur_Karma_Kin
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 8, 2011
- Messages
- 174
The heart seizes up like a gripped fist
Emotional cardiac arrest
I watch with a rictus grin
As the petals drop from my precious bouquet
Leaving only a withered stem
A dried out core
Nothing can penetrate my fortress anymore
Sexually and emotionally impotent
My eyes hold nothing but a fixed gaze
That stares past everything
To glimpse oblivion
Married to mediocrity
I measure out years with tears
The joyful curves of my body
Are now unrecognisable burdens
Each extra pound a demon clinging on
From when my heart broke
Or got shot to pieces
Once I was blessed with gifts
That have receded
Chipped away like sandstone
I do not wish to die
But somehow life is a struggle
The best years came and went
When I was too fucked to care
Now that I am old enough to know the truth
I don't care to stare down the abyss
Because I know I am no longer strong enough
To fight its gravitational pull
My veins and nostrils are clean and functional
Yet I feel more dead inside
Than when I chased the white rabbit down the hole
Sweet chemical comfort
Instead of being confined to this cell of sobriety
Being psyched out by a woman with a notepad
And a knowledge of theories to apply to my brain
Everything is too bright and very hard
I am failing
Flailing
But nobody can see me
This darkness is my secret
Inside I am screaming for help
Someone give me a bottle to drink from
I am dried out and washed up
So tired
I don't want to think anymore.
Emotional cardiac arrest
I watch with a rictus grin
As the petals drop from my precious bouquet
Leaving only a withered stem
A dried out core
Nothing can penetrate my fortress anymore
Sexually and emotionally impotent
My eyes hold nothing but a fixed gaze
That stares past everything
To glimpse oblivion
Married to mediocrity
I measure out years with tears
The joyful curves of my body
Are now unrecognisable burdens
Each extra pound a demon clinging on
From when my heart broke
Or got shot to pieces
Once I was blessed with gifts
That have receded
Chipped away like sandstone
I do not wish to die
But somehow life is a struggle
The best years came and went
When I was too fucked to care
Now that I am old enough to know the truth
I don't care to stare down the abyss
Because I know I am no longer strong enough
To fight its gravitational pull
My veins and nostrils are clean and functional
Yet I feel more dead inside
Than when I chased the white rabbit down the hole
Sweet chemical comfort
Instead of being confined to this cell of sobriety
Being psyched out by a woman with a notepad
And a knowledge of theories to apply to my brain
Everything is too bright and very hard
I am failing
Flailing
But nobody can see me
This darkness is my secret
Inside I am screaming for help
Someone give me a bottle to drink from
I am dried out and washed up
So tired
I don't want to think anymore.
