green light...? critique please..!

[wesmdow]

pause:

speedy salty grey roads halt, yeild to the dim red glow.

arbitrary--

no one is coming!

no one will!

yet... we wait at the red light,

rubber tires clutching cold, wet blue night...

(when) will she turn green?

(when) will i have to go?

...or will i get to come?

i thought of the metaphor while sitting at a red light on the way to my girlfriends house the other night.. does this come through in the poem? too strongly?

any feedback would be nice

 

[RareForm]

no critique nessecary. i didn't think it was too strong at all. and yes it does come through.

 

[IXinX]

It's goood. Were you anxious when you wrote it? In a hurry?

 

[(Wordy)]

Yeah, I like this. I think it works.